According to the 2022 Oracle Happiness Report, 45% of people have not felt true happiness for more than two years and the 25% do not know or have forgotten what it means to feel truly happy. If we stop at the causes of this unhappiness, we realize that in many cases, it is determined by the inability to do what one really wants or, what is the same, lack of freedom. We all consciously aspire to achieve happiness. What we are not so aware of is that, somehow, we constantly aspire to feel free, to be owners of our shares, without others or circumstances clipping our wings. Nothing to do with practice in reality.
We often feel incomplete, unable to achieve freedom in its entirety, and this causes us deep dissatisfaction and unhappiness. It is not something impossible to reverse. Freedom and happiness is at our fingertipsThis is how the psychiatrist Luis Gutiérrez Rojas explains it clearly and simply in his book live happier (Vergara). With a degree in Medicine and Surgery from the University of Navarra and a doctorate cum laude in Psychiatry from the University of Granada, the doctor has specialized in disseminating personal growth, also thanks to his experience in consultation. With this second book, the expert delves into the causes and dangers of the loss of our freedom to guide us towards that full independence capable of giving us back the happiness that millions of people report as lost.
how to feel freer and happier without guilt
“Only by being truly free can we be truly happy,” confirms the psychiatrist Luis Gutiérrez Rojas, who defines 10 basic concepts to achieve freedom as the decalogue of well-being to follow. Spoiler alert: it is not easy, but it is a good way to start the path in search of fulfillment.
- BEING FREE CONSISTS OF CHOOSING THE GOOD. True happiness is in being and not in having. No material thing, no experience that we can carry out, however incredible it may be, will be able to overcome or replace the satisfaction that personal growth generates. The joy that comes from giving the best of ourselves and doing things well done.
- LET US AVOID FALLING INTO THE TRAPS OF TOXIC POSITIVISM. The positivism that social networks sell tends to point out that everything in life can be overcome and that nothing is impossible. These attitudes can make us think that everything is a matter of will and that only by making an effort will we achieve everything we set out to do in life. But the reality is quite different, accepting our limitations, setting affordable goals and accepting failure are key if we want to achieve happiness.
- LOVE AS THE ONLY REMEDY. Since we are going to do things for love, let’s do them for a love that is worthwhile, not for one that is impoverished. True love is usually represented as a rose with thorns, that is, if we truly love we have to accept that we are also going to have a hard time. As contradictory and paradoxical as it may seem, love and pain are part of an inalienable pairing. Since we have made a preferential option for love, let’s do it for a love that makes us better people. A fruitful and fecund love. A love that involves commitment. Let’s choose love that fills our hearts, we don’t settle for less.
- STOP BEING AFRAID OF PAIN. Life is painful. Pain is unavoidable. Not having pain is impossible. The fear of pain (more than pain itself) is one of the main sources of unhappiness. For it to stop hurting, you have to experience some doses of suffering. When you fail, when you’re wrong, when you prick yourself, when you’re betrayed, you learn many things, and the main thing is that pain isn’t that bad. Living obsessed with avoiding harm only leads to living in anguish.
- RESPECT THE HIERARCHY OF LOVE. Love is pyramidal, ordered. All loves cannot be the same. He who loves everyone is like he doesn’t love anyone. First step: self love. Second step: love of falling in love. Third step: love for children (if you have them). Fourth step: love for the rest of the family and best friends. And impregnating all loves: transcendent love. If you want to be happy, consider before what is the meaning of your life.
- A HAPPY PERSON DOES NOT CARE NOT BEING HAPPY. Happy people are not sad because they don’t have time to be. They are too busy trying to be better and making life easier for others. That’s why they don’t waste a single second on conspiracies and defamations. That’s why they don’t spend half an afternoon hanging on their cell phones telling whoever wants to listen to them the latest joke and the latest gossip they just found out about. You’re sad? Do you feel sorry? Do you worry about things that don’t go? Welcome to the reality club. Accept that you can’t be fine all the time (and there isn’t any need to).
- A HAPPY PERSON DOES WHAT HE WANTS AT ALL TIMES. Just how it sounds. A happy person does what comes from within. From the very noses. What you want. What he wants. Because he has learned to love. Because he doesn’t allow biological impulses to win the pulse of his willpower. There is something profoundly attractive about coming face to face with someone who lives free from the shackles of his instincts. For this we must look at everyday heroes and children. The truly free person is the one who does what he should because that’s what he wants to do, doesn’t that sound attractive?
- A MATURE PERSON KNOWS WHERE HE IS GOING AND DOES NOT GIVE HIM THE ROAD. A mature person tries to lead a fulfilling life. He knows where he wants to go, what he likes and what interests him. He knows himself, he sets goals that are affordable and compatible with his abilities. She is ambitious, but not naive. She is prudent, but also brave. A mature person does not look for excuses, he does not think that the racket is to blame or that they gave him a bad car or that they asked him just the only question that had not been looked at. The good student does not leave blank questions. The good lover does not neglect details. Such a life is a wonderful, attractive, suggestive life, impervious to monotony. Life is a wonderful experience, let’s not let a myopic and catastrophic vision paralyze us, forcing us to do nothing.
- A HAPPY PERSON ACCEPTS LIFE AS IT IS. Thinking that everything will go wrong is just as stupid as thinking that everything will go well. In fact it is as silly as it is childish. Life shows us that things do not go well or badly, things go the way they do, sometimes they go better, sometimes they go worse, and when the team is confident and has several victories in a row, it usually has a painful defeat and when it enters into a Bad streak draws strength from weakness and signs a resounding performance. Dichotomous thinking, black or white, good or bad, big or small, is an approach typical of immature subjects. Life is heterogeneous and if we think about it a little we can come to the conclusion that nothing that happens to us, not even death, is an unfathomable drama.
- LEARN TO PUT THE IMPORTANT ABOVE THE SUPERFLUOUS. We run the risk of putting our attention on what is not important. The embittered person always lives in a hurry, busy with one and a thousand tasks that never end. He doesn’t know how to delegate. He doesn’t know how to specify. He doesn’t make decisions. He doesn’t say no to what is beyond his capabilities. He doesn’t say yes to many of his obligations. Meanwhile the happy man does what he has to do. He is ordered and ranks his actions. He is aware of what he does. He fixes his attention. He doesn’t get lost. Let’s focus on what’s important. To the family. To work. To love. To live in the present. Do what one must. Take advantage of our talents. Doing things as well as possible despite our infinite flaws.
“I read everything and I think it’s a pretty complete summary. So complete that it’s almost impossible to carry out, but that doesn’t matter. The important thing is to be clear. Know where to start. Set yourself a simple goal and get to work. Those who act like this complain little. Those who do this don’t waste time. Those who act like this do not envy the achievements of others. Those who work like this do not boast of their achievements because they are aware of the enormous amount of things that still need to be done,” explains the psychiatrist.
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