On Sunday evening, the Welsh musician Duffy posted a black and white photo on her Instagram account. She writes only two words for the picture: “with love”. And adds the link to a new website.
Thoughts of suicide? You can find help here
Offered hand, Tel. 143, (143.ch)
Pro Juventute offer: Tel. 147, (147.ch)
Points of contact for those affected by suicide:
Nebelmeer – Perspectives after the suicide of a parent (Nebelmeer.net);
Refugium – Guided self-help groups for survivors after suicide (Verein-refugium.ch);
Rainbow Switzerland Association (Verein-regenbogen.ch).
In late February, Duffy first reported on the platform after completely withdrawing from the public for ten years. With a shocking story: she was drugged, kidnapped, drugged and raped.
On the website, the 35-year-old now describes shocking details of the kidnapping and the rape. The text that she titled “The Fifth House” is seven pages long, and 20 lines describe the crime.
It happened on her birthday – Duffy keeps the year to himself. «I was stunned in a restaurant. And after that I was stunned again and again for four weeks and taken to a foreign country. » For most of the time, she was held in her own house.
She no longer remembers getting on a plane. «I was taken to a hotel room, the perpetrator came back and raped me. I remember the pain and how I tried to stay conscious. »
When the kidnapper and rapist slept, she thought about leaving. But she was afraid that everything would only get worse afterwards – that the local police would look for her or that her tormentor would find her. “I don’t know how I got through these days.”
After a few days, she flies back home with the kidnapper. “I was as calm and normal as possible in the situation.” Duffy feels like “a zombie,” is afraid of death. “He had indicated that he wanted to kill me.”
With the “bit of strength” she still had, Duffy decided to run away. “To run and hide somewhere where he can’t find me.” She no longer remember how she got home.
Duffy doesn’t dare go to the police for a long time. “I thought if something went wrong I would be dead and he would kill me.”
She has avoided contact with people almost completely in recent years. “Nobody, absolutely nobody” knew what had happened to her. Duffy is paralyzed by fear, stares at the ceiling for days, has thoughts of suicide, is considering getting a new identity and starting over in another country, “maybe as a flower seller”.
The first person she confides with her story is a psychologist, “months later”. “I am so happy that I found her.”
What becomes clear with the letter: Duffy seems to have known her kidnapper and rapist. “His identity remains between the police and me.”
Not even her family could help her at that time. “It was too far away,” writes Duffy. She would have withdrawn so much that she had also estranged from her relatives.
These are difficult times in which we are currently. The right moment to share her story doesn’t exist. But she had to write down and publish what she had experienced, because otherwise she could never have felt free. “Now I’m free,” writes Duffy.
The rape stole a third of her life. She would no longer comment on it and would withdraw again. Her story won’t go away: “It stays online.”
She hopes that she can use it to donate “distraction and maybe even consolation” to others. “Right now it’s important that we think about the impact we have on others.”