Complexes in adolescence, how to help them overcome them? | Moms and dads

Juvenile acne, being short or too tall, having peculiar ears, being thin or fat, having freckles or wearing glasses. Everything can be a cause of complex for an adolescent and usually has its origin in the criticism or ridicule received by his group of friends or classmates. Adolescence is a stage of life that is a breeding ground for young people to experiment with “complexes with whatever they have felt insecure about themselves, especially when comparing themselves with their peer group. The most common complexes are those related to peculiarities or physical differences that they probably only observe and that magnify because it is something that makes them feel insecure, such as the size of their ears, weight, the shape of their body or the size of their ears. legs, although it can also be something more temporary, like a haircut, “he explains Abel Domínguez, psychologist and director of Domínguez Psicólogos.

The complexes of adolescents tend to focus on external issues that have to do with their physical image, but they can also be related to issues that are not “so obvious to themselves and that they do not have as well identified, such as the dumb complex, the bad student, idle or certain roles in which those around them can be pigeonholed or do so and that can condition and complex them more than physical issues. Usually, these complexes have their origin in destructive criticisms of their peers, friends or classmates, because at this age they begin to have more reference from their friends than from their own parents. Complexes can also come from comparisons that they make themselves, such as envying their best friend’s mane because it is different from their own. These are subjective complexes and are triggered by insecurity ”, clarifies Domínguez.

The complexes of adolescents also arise with comparisons with other young people their age. But why do we compare ourselves to other people? The reason is that we began “to want to be like the other person; be more beautiful; smarter; more striking; thinner; less fat; without glasses; with less pimples or with long hair. This comparison and want to be It is what deforms our personality, which can even lead to the development of pathological personalities, with disastrous social and emotional management skills in adulthood. Currently, the main physical complexes of adolescents are diverse and very broad, due to the strong competition that exists in social networks. On the one hand, the classic acne complexes continue to persist, such as wearing a device, a change in the voice or development of the breasts. But, with social networks, this increases and also amplifies one of the most classic and dangerous complexes that continues to exist, feeling more or less thin or fat. This complex has very dangerous psychological, emotional and social consequences, from developing an eating disorder to feeling socially incompetent and reaching social isolation ”, comments Ana López López, pedagogue, specialist in educational neuropsychology.

Complexes can torment the adolescent

A complex can sadden and torment a young man. When, from home, “this situation is identified, it is advisable to speak a lot and carefully with the adolescent. The objective is to promote in the young person the idea of I do not care what others think and instill coherence between beliefs, principles and actions that are carried out. Over time, these ideas will mature and they can become emotionally and psychologically stable people. The complexes of adolescents can hide behind them a situation of bullying, since it occurs with people who are not within the considered social canons of beauty, ”explains López.

The promotion of empathy in children and adolescents is essential to avoid both destructive criticism that gives rise to complexes in other people and situations of bullying. “It is essential, on the one hand, since they are children to educate people in emotional intelligence, from schools to provide training about the bullying and encourage communication with adolescents ”, assures psychopedagogue Ana López.

Help the adolescent from home to manage their complexes

From home, young people of age to develop complexes can be helped “by improving their self-esteem so that they are able to differentiate constructive and destructive criticisms and can defend themselves against them without attacking and realizing that this insult or disqualification is not real. It is also important that there is good communication with parents so that there is confidence for adolescents to express what worries or affects them and without diminishing the importance of what they feel, to be able to help them to relativize the criticism they have made and to them may affect. Parents can also help their children with certain physical complexes, such as obesity, develop healthy eating patterns and play more sports. On the other hand, sharing the experience as adults of the overcome complexes of adolescence can also help the adolescent to relativize them and manage them better ”, concludes the psychologist Abel Domínguez.

Complex for being pale

Any issue can become the seed of a complex for a teenager, as in the case of DB, a 16-year-old teenager with a complex of having too white skin. “In high school, they started telling me that I looked like a vampire and a ghost because I have very white skin. At first it affected me and made me angry because you tend to compare yourself to other girls who are more brunette and you also see them on social networks. But now, I don’t care so much anymore. I accept it and I take it with a greater sense of humor, because before I would confront myself and tell them what they had different ”.

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