Ms. Nguyen Thi Bich Nhan and her husband (35 years old, living in Ho Chi Minh City) have been married for more than 13 years now, have two children, a boy and a girl, she said that since getting married, her husband and wife rarely happen. conflicted, sex is still salty.
However, recently, whenever she goes out to eat with a group of friends and acquaintances, Quan – her husband makes his wife both embarrassed and angry.
“At the dinner table, there were both acquaintances and strangers, he brought the couple’s sex story to tell, accusing me of not having a relationship. He said in a very spiteful, angry manner. Everyone at the table could only hold their stomachs and laugh, but I was embarrassed and didn’t know how to help,” Nhan shared.
Not only that one time, when his wife did not allow sex for 10-15 days, Mr. Quan would tell him when he had the opportunity to eat and drink coffee with a group of friends, acquaintances, even colleagues. Because of this, Nhan is afraid to go out and have dinner with her husband.
Constantly being accused by her husband of not allowing her to have relations with friends and relatives, Nhan is both embarrassed and tired. Illustration.
One day, Quan drank with a group of friends from noon to afternoon, but still called his wife, asking her to come home to meet the sexual relationship.
Hearing his wife say that work was not over yet, so he couldn’t come back, so he said harsh words. When Nhan came home, her husband immediately scolded and feared to cause trouble. “As long as I give him a relationship, he will stop being angry and constantly say sorry,” Nhan said.
Sharing about why she “starved” her husband, Ms. Nhan said that Quan had a job and stable income before, so the couple collected and borrowed more banks to buy an apartment. For the past 2 years, he has been unemployed, loves playing, drinking, does not help his wife with housework and takes two children to school.
Going to work all day, coming home to take care of food and water for the whole family, every night her husband asks to “find stamps” which makes Nhan tired. Another reason is because he refuses to change, making her no longer desire to be near her husband. At night, she always makes excuses for her children to sleep and then sleeps in their two children’s rooms to avoid them.
For about 6 months now, every month she will “starve” her husband for 10-15 days so that he realizes that his wife has changed but is less playful, going to work to help her with food and pay off the bank loan to buy a house. “I did it so he could try,” Nhan said. However, this approach of hers did not work.
Every 2 days without being “in love”, Mr. Quan feels restless, tired, always thinking about sex and talking with his wife.
For fear of affecting her two children, she had to compromise. When his wife let him be intimate, he regretted it and promised to change. But after a few days, he returned to his old state. “He said that the past year was a year of drought, he was unlucky in everything he did, so he didn’t want to go to work yet.
Now he has applied for a job and helps me take the children to school”, Nhan shared. She calculated that if next time, he refuses to go to work, she will bring the story to the parents on both sides. filed for divorce.
Recently, Ms. Nhan shared her story on a group question and asked: “My husband is 43 years old this year and has sex every day, is it a sex addiction? What do I have to do to make him change?”.
There is a high need not to have sex addiction
Sex addiction is a psychophysiological abnormality that not only affects physical and mental health, but also damages relationships, quality of life and social safety. At this time, excessive sexual thoughts, desires, urges or behaviors that cannot be controlled, cause distress and affect relationships, work …
According to doctors, Nhan and her husband need to sit down and share openly about sex. Illustration.
Some common signs of people with sex addiction:
– Sex dominates life making them not want to participate in other activities.
– Engage in sexual activities that may be inappropriate or risky, including showing off, having sex in public places, having sex with prostitutes, or regularly participating in sex clubs.
The constant urge to have sex is often interspersed with feelings of regret, anxiety, depression, or shame.
– Engaging in other forms of sex when alone, including having sex on the phone, viewing pornography, or having sex on the computer.
– Having multiple sexual partners or having an extramarital relationship.
– When unsatisfied, often masturbate when alone.
According to MSc Le Vu Tan, Department of Andrology, Binh Dan Hospital (HCMC), sex is a healthy human activity. In a relationship, more people having a high sex drive or preferring sexual activity over others is not a sign of sex addiction.
So far there is no exact figure on how much sex is enough, because it depends on each person’s needs. This need depends on the age, lifestyle, living habits, health of each object and the quality of the relationship.
Meanwhile, sexual desire is a very erratic feeling, it can arise at any time and at any age.
Dr. Tan emphasized that the important “sex story” is the quality of each relationship and how it feels, not how much is enough.
Doctor Le Thi Kim Dung, Institute of Reproductive Health (Hanoi) also agrees with the above opinion. However, Dr. Dung said that the husband and wife relationship needs the consent and sharing of both for the love to flourish. “Sex is like a game. In any game, two people must work together to be happy and happy,” said Dr.
According to Dr. Dung, when it comes to sex, couples who want to try new sensations and positions should also discuss it with their spouse in advance to avoid unfortunate accidents in the bedroom. In particular, couples should have a healthy sex life, clean “private areas” before and after love to avoid contracting social diseases.
Doctors believe that in Quan’s case, it is only at the level of high sexual demand, so Nhan and her husband need to share frankly with each other to regulate the frequency and reasonable needs. or improve health through exercise and nutrition.
* Character names in the article have been changed.