If he ever visits us, he knows the art of hiding in the crowd of thoughts, in the looks and laughter among the group, on the walls of our room, in our bed, in the conversations in front of the mirror, in a text written surreptitiously on our phones, in a conversation with our favorite, in the corners of a cafe, the waiter surprises him : are there more?
I never counted the number of times I read about an experience written by someone who survived this visitor, but in every story, I found the one who was trying to snatch life from the “shark’s mouth”, except that perhaps he was not good at “swimming” or was afraid of his ferocity, so he had a feeling Missed chances of survival.
We like the idea of the doctor telling us that we suffer from all kinds of pain and diseases, we make them easy, we tell those around us that we are taking medication for head pain and another to regulate heart rate, anti-diabetic, anti-pressure, and perhaps joint pain and and… Only this visitor is still heavy, not welcome like others We are afraid to meet him and talk to him, we watch him from afar, knowing that he may be the closest!
The talk of suicide is that visitor who hides behind the curtain of “Al-Jarsa”, “the forbidden” and “the defect”, as if disclosure is forbidden and survival is a detail, and feelings, circumstances and motives are just “compares” that only appear in one scene within the “film”. “Sukkart Al-Diny Buji”, “Where’s this life” and “Oh, I wish I could sleep without people” are not just fleeting terms that can be condoned, but rather are the product of a lack of safety and support under conditions that are harsh and merciless to say the least.
Figures and statistics from the official authorities do not stop referring to the alarming increase in its percentage, as a result of the living and social conditions and the successive crises we live in, and some still consider suicide as an idea limited to surrender to death!
Raja, one of the survivors who crossed the “bump” says: “Since I was 12 years old, I began to feel a kind of dark feelings, and that things were no longer beautiful and entertaining. Years I went to university, too. But in 2006, before I entered university, I started to feel new anxiety attacks and stronger thoughts but out of nothing, they suddenly came to me and I kept thinking about them until exhaustion to try to reduce the amount of anxiety.”
Raja tells Al-Nahar: “I suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety and depression, but the impact of OCD and depression was stronger on my life. Breakdowns and a lot of crying, the most difficult of which was in June of 2012.”
For more than a month, the suffering continued, “I don’t eat, I don’t sleep, I don’t stay away from the sofa, every day I spend it crying, I have to put something in my religion, music or a movie, but until I fell asleep, it was very difficult, and I didn’t find hope or motivation and nothing at all.” .
With these words, he describes that stage of his life, and says: “Everything I thought about was, if I could get rid of my life and be at ease.”
I initiated the question, which, by the way, is considered a kind of intrusion when someone tells us about his suffering, but “Hada Al-Toad”: Was there something that bothered you or just the like? Raja says: “It was not in an accident, but I was annoyed by the way I interacted with events. The reality is there, but the way I did not accept the subject and how I projected it on myself was hurting me.”
“The addiction to thinking, and the sinking in that hole day by day is getting deeper.” Then Raja decided to go to a psychiatrist, and during two sessions the latter decided to refer him to a psychiatrist to research the case. Raja started taking medicines. In 2015 he returned to suffer from panic attacks. “You got along with me.” He went to the doctor again and he was one of his friends, so he decided to enter the hospital after thinking and planning the way he would end his life. “Every time I see my balcony I imagine how I want to grow, the idea of death overwhelms me.”
After adjusting the medications, there was some kind of improvement, but the situation recurred in 2020 and he followed the same path. “I continue with my treatment even today, the doctors taught me what to do and I continued. I struggled with things until the idea finally broke and became lighter. Yes there is sometimes conflict with feelings but now I can control it,” Raja says.
Raja recalls his suffering with his lack of acceptance when he shared his feelings with some, and his loss to other people, and says: “Everyone used to say, ‘Tighten yourself, this is a little bit, you’re laughing all the time’.” And later, after treatment, it became easier to talk about mental health automatically and spontaneously, away from advice.
It is reported that Raja has been involved in activities with the “EMBRACE” association since 2013, “I wanted to be the person I did not find.” Another story, and a survivor who decided to tell Al-Nahar: “I tried to commit suicide 3 years ago, and I will not lie, because the idea came to me again recently.” The survivor describes the idea of suicide as difficult, “I live in constant conflict with myself and my surroundings, and sometimes I say to myself: If the pain ends, the pain ends.”
She adds: “The pain is real and strong, and it increases because some people cannot comprehend it, except that they do not see the wound with the naked eye. Others go to disbelief that you are going through this situation (because they see me laughing, I have friends, or I have money).”
The survivor recounts her moments of weakness: “Sometimes I was confined to bed, feeling like I needed to disappear, I was asking God to take me so that I would not commit suicide. I cried at least 3 times in one day, and I didn’t realize how happy I could be, until I decided to stop this pain in ways Physically, I will not go into its details, but that physical pain was much easier.”
The survivor recalls the scene of her mother, who once saw her unconscious, “I was very upset, and no one knew but Mama and Papa.”
The survivor who went to a psychiatrist says that the idea did not completely disappear after successive visits except for a short period, and points out that hope is something completely far from theorizing, as if someone told you, “Think of God, your family, and your companions.” “Our society is trash and treatment has become very expensive.”
It sends a message to the community: “Love the people around you, be less mean, and check them out. There are many people who think that there is no love for them. Create an environment that embraces these people.”
She concludes that her condition is better today. “It is certain that something beautiful can happen.”
The supervisor of the 1564 hotline, the psychotherapist at the “embrace” mental health clinic, Joel Jaber, revealed to “Al-Nahar” that “we witnessed a remarkable increase in the number of calls we receive, in 2021 we received about 8,959 calls, but until August of 2022 we received up to 9,000 calls and the year isn’t over.”
She added, “Our statistics showed that the number of calls compared to 2019 and 2020 has tripled, which confirms the need for people to receive psychological support. Yes, not all communications are linked to suicides, but the need for support exists.”
Psychotherapist Joel Jaber sheds light on the global statistics that show a person commits suicide every 40 seconds, and says: “This is a global problem. A person who reaches the stage of suicidal ideation is a distressed person, without hope, looking for a light at the end of the tunnel, feeling that he is alone and has nothing to do with it.” No one can turn to.”
Jaber asserts that “several factors have a role, from biological to surrounding social and economic, and these factors are all present in Lebanon, especially in the last years of the explosion of the Port of Beirut and the shock that affected everyone to Covid and the economic and social conditions that we faced, this is in addition to the personal problems that exist in life of every human being.
“The need for psychological support is urgent,” for example, the psychiatrist says, “After the port explosion, our clinics opened their doors directly and for free. The economic situation is very bad, and everyone has the right to receive support.”
Regarding the emigration of psychiatrists, Jaber regrets that the list of patients on the waiting list is long, and says: “The pressure is great and we are trying to help people in various ways through the hotline in cooperation with the Ministry of Health and through awareness sessions to break the widespread stigma that prevents people from going to a psychotherapist because some are considered The mentally ill person is weak or insane. And in a cry she addressed through Al-Nahar, Jaber said, “The shortage is great and we need support, but we are trying as much as possible. The majority of the suffering group is between 18 and 35 years old. Hearing 24/24”.