Er is currently the Radiant Pandemic Winner. The hairdresser, the hairdresser, the best friend of women. After all professional scissors in the republic stopped rattling on December 16, 2020 and remained in the second lockdown, according to the latest Corona ordinances, cutting, washing, laying and, above all, coloring can be done again from March 1, 2021. For this they can thank their many patron saints: Maria Magdalena, Saint Cosmas, Damian, Catherine of Alexandria and Padre Pio.
Secrets of keralogy that have been guarded for decades and just so terrifyingly disclosed will be concealed again. The true hair color can again – like some intentions – disappear behind a deceptive layer of color; and according to reports, some people should really think about standing by their silver locks and white (residual) mane. Apparently only the Bavarian Corona lion Markus Söder proves to be resistant to scissors and in solidarity with his white-blue infantry.
As unpretentious as the Chancellor is, even if Angela Merkel, of course, like the stoically boozy Ursula von der Leyen and most of the other politicians as well as the footballers, have their systemically relevant private Figaro in their wake – we would definitely have the most powerful woman in the world too Sitting under a soup pot from the Uckermark region, while Professor Sauer trims his wife’s waist into the usual simple round shape.
Such fantasies, which caused the weaning, can now give way again as wavering figures: Figaro is here and there again! Soon! And not only as a factotum of the beautiful world, but also as a mood brightener, best friend, reliable advisor, soul comforter, mind masseur, lobbyist, advisor, best buddy, hair bro.
The world may otherwise end, or at least darken. The main thing is that the rampant jungle of hair, the splendor that breaks loose, the remaining bulge or just a few incorrectly falling strands are tamed again, the parting is accurately pulled and the perms are freshly fixed. The concern for the hairstyle as the unifying agenda of the Germans. Even under the aluminum hat. How nice that a nation that is increasingly torn apart can at least be reduced to this simple and simple denominator.
Gone are the days of conspiratorially passed on problem-solver numbers, the “Do you also cut hair?” . Now is the time for the official split ends and dandruff optimizers. Nobody can excuse their current condition with a bad hair day or have to endeavor three-weather taffeta. When hairspray has gone completely out of fashion.
But not the new fashionable appreciation of the hairy helpers. Who already loved literature. The French poet Pierre-Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais presented Figaro with his famous and revolutionary trilogy of dramas between 1775 and 1792 “The Barber of Seville”Dedicated to “The Marriage of Figaro” and “The Guilty Mother”, which is rarely seen on stage. At a time when frigates and bird cages could suddenly no longer be placed in the royal lady’s hair because they were sometimes made a head shorter. When old, white powdered wig braids were cut off, the hairdresser of all people became the lead cutter of the bourgeois riot. And very quickly, at that time music theater still followed fashion, including becoming an opera hero.
At first the politically naive Marie Antoinette was amused by the speaking piece in the Tuileries Palace in Paris, and in 1782 Catherine the Great was laughing in Saint Petersburg at the singing “Il Barbiere di Seviglia” by her court composer Giovanni Paisiello, who was imported from Italy. Which was then, of course, overrun by Gioachinos Rossini’s global megahit (which, however, was a total flop when it premiered in Rome in 1815). “Sono il factotum della città”, that became the most famous performance aria of a baritone and one of the operatic hits that is still trumpeted in advertising today. At most, it is surpassed by the “I am the bird catcher” by Mozart’s “Magic Flute” papageno. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart let his Figaro dare to dare a rebellious little dance with the Count in Vienna from 1786 in the second part including the meaningful subtitle “A great day”. In 1966 Darius Milhaud followed up with “La Mére coupable”, the third part of the trilogy, without much success.
The old Beaumarchais – even then, in the pre-Netflix era, the series’ success law had been recognized – actually wanted to write a fourth part of the drama. Ödön von Horvath did that in Prague in 1937 in the face of National Socialism with the illusion-free “Figaro is divorcing”, which Giselher Klebe also sacrificed in 1962. Elena Langer tried again in 2016 for a British „Figaro Forever“-Tetralogy that should even compete with Wagner’s “Ring”.
Figaro’s shadow continues to haunt Jules Massenet’s “Cherubin” from 1905 and John Corigliano’s “The Ghosts of Versailles”, which was premiered in 1996 at the New York Metropolitan Opera. And the Mozart-loving duo Richard Strauss and Hugo von Hofmannsthal had the Marschallin say the bad words to her hairdresser who had just done her hair in 1911 in the “Rosenkavalier”: “My dear Hippolyte, today you made an old woman of me.”
Schandmaul vs. Schnütchen
But now the hairdresser is back. As a very concrete and technically honest optimizer, who in the age of virtual Instagram whitewashing seemed to have almost lost his semi-philosophical position between auxiliary servant and good spirit at the sink. But Photoshop can’t offer a sheet of paper against! And no influencer snout injected with hyaluronic acid can compete with the sharp mouth of the real, hard-boiled, lye-washed city hairdresser.
Because in these businesses it was never just about nasty cuts, but always about interpersonal relationships. Figaro knows what women want besides the tiered cut. A good hairdresser was, as unfortunately recently for Baby Schimmerlos and his Mona in the everlasting series jewel “Kir Royal”, always an irreplaceable gossip exchange and rumor mill.
Such appreciation comes at the right time for a long time. What did this honorable profession have to put up with! The eternal laughter at hair-raising business names such as “Vier Haareszeiten”, “Haarbrakadabra”, “Sahaara”, “Haireinspaziert”, “Kamm In”, “Fönix”, “Pony & Clyde”, “Kopfsache”, “Interface”, “Wash and.” Woof ”,“ Haarakiri ”or“ Parting ”. In addition, the ten-euro standard cut without prior notification to the unskilled Schnippler. That couldn’t make up for the new, tough-faced man at the barber shop, for stubble knives, snout trimmers and chop trimmers.
Above all, however, the humiliation as financially slipping more and more in the direction of precariat, scheelly respected industry advanced. Because the time is long gone when the lady of the world graced the salon at least once a week to wash and lay, and had her hair professionally puffed up and spray-concreted before every party. When François Haby, court hairdresser of Kaiser Wilhelm II, propagated mustache fashion that was successful throughout Germany. When Rudi Völler’s permanently waved Vokuhila mat was talked about across the country. Or as the flashy party punk mane of the conservative Catholic Princess Gloria, who is now only dyed dark blonde.
The big names in scissors and coloring brushes also went there. Almost at the same time last September, Glorias Figaro Gerhard Meir was spoiled by the corona wind at 65 with his “Le Coup” in Munich, for which at least the local Bussi Society posted tender-feeling obituaries, and in November Berlin’s flabbergasting scissors authority Udo Walz at 76, who as not only the best friend of the Spree women was even allowed to lend a hand with Klaus Wowereit. Now, Germany only knows the 79-year-old Hamburg master tailor Marlies Möller, who has always tucked down regionally behind the vanity in a discreet Hanseatic way. And Alexandre de Paris, like Vidal Sassoon, who was famous as the developer of the geometric style and the revival of the bob, have long ceased to be international either.
The hairdresser was probably the most dear companion of a Cleopatra wearing a wig in the pyramidal shadow of ancient Egypt. The woman sat in the hairdresser’s chair for millennia like before her Sigmund friend on the couch and, in addition to any personal hygiene, received psychological pats with a head massage. The right type advice has possibly influenced world history more decisively than many a battle order. The hair treatment as a panacea. The precise, discreet service provider has become the rococo symbol of the boudoir. In the Victorian era, the hairdressing salon became an intimate retreat for women who were not only pressed into social corsets.
In 1975, Warren Beatty, as an exception not gay at all, but very potent Hollywood understanding of women, undulated his fingers sore between Julie Christie, Goldie Hawn, Lee Grand and Carrie Fisher in Hal Ashby’s “Shampoo”. Last but not least, Barbra Streisand was in a relationship with her best hair mate Peter Gruber, and even Heidi Klum had her first wedding photo with the Australian celebrity curler Ric Pipino, who glued her extensions and colored her brows.
So now the 84,000 German hairdressers have longed for again in the middle of society. #coronacut was yesterday. The hairstylists’ next practical test starts on March 1st. As a magician with the curling iron. And of course with a mask for coloring. Hopefully they don’t mix it up.