Oral sex, the pending sexual subject of men that women must teach | Good Life

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A group of friends start a conversation on WhatsApp in true style Sex in New York. The thing begins with discrepancies on the use of the satisfyer (no, not all women like it), but soon changes course when one of them opens the debate on the sex oral. There are those who enjoy it more and those who take less advantage of it, but almost all agree on one thing: as a general rule, that was not exactly the strong point of their partners. This question is followed by a rather uncomfortable one: what if they had a lot of the blame for this I want and I cannot sexual?

Sexologists recognize that the inexperience of men in this matter is a common complaint among women who they go to query. It has a lot to do with the historical conception of sex: “It has always been highly coitocentric and the man’s sexual response is much more finalistic. That is, once the act begins, everything is directed towards ejaculation. This makes it cost a lot plus the topic of erotic play (the misnamed preambles) “, clarifies the director of Clinical Psychology and Sexology of the Lyx Institute, Miren Larrazabal. But it is also true that one does not have to know how to do everything, and excelling in each of the love techniques is a noble, but complicated objective. The big problem is that oral sex is one of the main and most recurring fantasies among women. It is necessary to carry out a strategy that makes dreams come true, and the most practical one begins by admitting that not all the responsibility in the execution of the cunnilingus always falls on the male. It is time to take charge of the situation and this involves teaching the one who does not know.

Whoever has doubts about this approach, please make a humble review of your expectations. You probably conclude that meeting them is a major challenge, considering that they have decades of recognition behind them in the confines of intimate anatomy. “Many are clear about how they like to be stimulated because they know and know how to touch themselves, so they hope the result will be similar. But the other person is not always going to know how to do it, much less the first time“indicates the director of the Iberoamerican Institute of Sexology and president of the Spanish Federation of Sexology Francisca Molero. Why not explain it, plain and simple? The fruits of this work are potentially orgasmic.

The secret of body communication

When they are not satisfied with their partners’ paths, many women choose to move to another game. “I always end up taking them away from there,” says one of the friends in the conversation. It is a completely legitimate decision, especially if it is a sporadic relationship. “Oral sex is one more practice and the emphasis you put on the other person doing something you like depends on what interests you at the time. It is as if you had a very appetizing plate of food in front of you, but among all the ingredients There’s one you don’t like. You can still taste the rest of the plate, “says Molero. But if what you want is to enjoy it, Larrazabal considers that the fact that it is a casual meeting does not mean that you have to turn the page. What you need to do, both in sporadic and long-distance sexual relationships is to express yourself and teach.

But be careful, you don’t want to reproduce the scene from Land as you can in which they tell the pilot-taxi driver how to land the passenger plane (for those who do not remember the film, these are some of the indications he received from the control tower, among increasingly profuse sweats: “Striker, take too much speed!”, “Lean to the right, make the correction!”, “Remember to use the ignition buttons!”, “Be careful, lift your nose, straighten your nose!”). It is a delicate moment and cannot be corrected in any way. To begin with, just by imagining yourself in this situation, several of the friends from the initial conversation affirm that “it would cut off their whole life”; goodbye to oral sex and of any other kind.

In addition, each woman is a world and, for a new couple, one undiscovered. “Is important to express preferences, say what we like and don’t like, the desires we have… “says Larrazabal. Always with tact. Assertiveness is fundamental, and it is very important to understand the strength of non-verbal communication. The first thing is to make sure that the couple is attentive to body language. Then, keep in mind that “The signals you give with the body are essential in oral sex and the couple must be aware to learn what you like and what you don’t. This will improve the way in which it moves and the pressure it exerts, “says Larrazabal. Another possibility is direct them with the hands, repositioning the head with gentle movements: a little higher, to one side or the other, closer … Also teach them directly with your fingers how and where you like, explain the type of movement (from top to bottom, circular, sideways) so that they imitate it with your tongue.

“But if none of this works and we can’t get him to get it right away, it’s better to leave it and talk about it later,” says Molero. Once again, with the right language and without hurting —the experts say— the relationship must be taken to other types of games. There are many ways in which women can express what they want: “You have to tell them about and express what you like. As much experience as you have, each relationship has its peculiarities and you have to learn them,” says Molero.

The theoryia can be accompanied by examples grtoficos, say the experts, who recommend a viewing in a couple of cinema eróethical. So little by little, things will improve. What you should never ever do is, in the opinion of sexologists, is to pretend. “It does not make any sense. You are deceiving the other person and, what is worse, yourself, that you will not be able to feel pleasure. Sex like that does not make sense,” Larrazabal concludes.

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