Home » News » {Teaching Friend for a Man} Tan Qiaolian lost in the busyness and occasionally lying flat may not be a bad thing-20211205-Supplement-Ming Pao Daily

{Teaching Friend for a Man} Tan Qiaolian lost in the busyness and occasionally lying flat may not be a bad thing-20211205-Supplement-Ming Pao Daily

The problem is not with young people

Tan Qiaolian was born in the 1960s and 70s. After graduating from university, she worked as a social worker. She paid special attention to the social welfare of young people. “When I was a social worker, I was in my early 20s, so I felt that I was very close to young people and I had just finished experiencing it.” She worked as an outreach social worker in Tin Shui Wai. At that time, Tin Shui Wai was labelled as a “City of Sadness.” The society said that the young people who wandered on the streets were “flying boys and flying girls.” , But even if we are fringe youths, when you contact them, you won’t think that he is the big evil you are talking about.” She said that fringe youths who meet in Internet cafes and stadiums are cute and heart-wrenching. of.

The “big sister” who was forced to be independent

She remembered a girl who was 14 or 15 years old. She was young but she was like a big sister on the street. She would protect other girls. The girls all over the street listened to her to give orders, “There is a lot of bullying on the street, even if it’s not a big bully. , Play to scare you, ask you to eat, etc. Everyone will walk out, “Hey, don’t you mess with my class girl!”” Despite facing a group of boys. Tan Qiaolian first came to the stadium to take the initiative to contact her sisters, but she was driven away by her “contributions.” But after getting acquainted with each other slowly, my sister opened up to her and talked about her family background, “She is about 7 or 8 years old, her parents are divorced, and her father is a driver from China and Hong Kong.” My sister lives with my dad, but my dad is often away from home. He puts down the money and then turns around and disappears for several days. Every time he goes home, he brings a different woman back. When the daughter sees “hot eyes”, she throws everything away from the woman. “She asked me, “Miss, what’s your situation, how are you growing up, will you be a big sister?”” Children under 10 have no parental love and motherly love, learn to be independent, protect themselves, and then protect others , This is the story of my sister, “Miss, I don’t want to take care of others, but I don’t want to take care of them?” She said that she had encountered too many similar stories, “You know, the problem is not with young people.” .

Early intervention should start with the social environment and family services

Tan Qiaolian has contacted marginalized youths and conducted research on behavioral deviations among young people. She is a member of the Drug Treatment and Rehabilitation Subcommittee of the Anti-drug Standing Committee. She said that most of the causes of behavioral deviation among adolescents are related to family factors. One is family divorce. Just like big sisters, teenagers grow up in an environment that lacks love, lack growth guidance and desire care. “Even some young people who are delinquent (illegal) can stop you”; or their parents are too restrictive. Too nervous about the academic performance of the teenagers, exerting too much pressure, and the parent-child relationship is poor. “I went back to the housing estate and persecuted me all day long. So I went out. How many types of friends are in the class and how much they understand me, so they appeared. other problems”. Rather than labeling them as treacherous and unscrupulous teenagers, she believes that young people need more help and understanding, starting from the social environment and family services, intervening as early as possible before youth problems arise, and providing support to single parents, “If they apply for CSSA , You know that it is a single-parent family, and there are already some services that can be provided to parents”, such as family counseling, referral to child care services, teaching them how to complement the role of another parent, and continue to provide high-quality care. Don’t wait until the deviant behaviors appear before dealing with them, and then accuse young people, “It’s not a problem for young people, it’s a problem for adults.”

“So now they say that these young people are not diligent enough, so they have to ask the young people or society.” When she first set foot in society, her hopes for the future were obviously greater than that of this generation of young people. There are many job opportunities in the era, and property prices are not as crazy as they are now. It’s not a fantasy to save money to buy a car upstairs. There are a lot of worries. Young people are not going to move forward, nor are they going to the left. The result is fine.” If young people lie flat, it is also the result of social problems, not the cause. She once discussed whether the phenomenon of hidden youth is constructed by language in postmodern theories. “Society uses language to understand social phenomena, and social phenomena will be constructed.” These youths are described as concealed and withdraw. The society defines and labels these youths as concealed, and youths are even more reluctant to face the society. “The young man is lying flat now and has nothing to do. This is the construction of our language. Does he really lie flat, or do we use words to understand it, and thus constitute this phenomenon?”

Say young people lie flat, what about the evidence?

Among the young people who contacted Tan Qiaolian for research and teaching, she said that they could not see them lying flat and eating lazily. “I think it needs to be researched. For example, if the Secretary said like this, I think you need evidence, you After doing the research, I saw that, I was convinced that you didn’t, but it was so serious that it became a society to pay attention to it and discuss it.” The Education Bureau said it should cultivate the value of “hardworking” among students. She said that the current middle school students don’t know how busy and hardworking they are. In the career planning research for middle school students, she cooperated with different organizations to provide group activities for middle three and middle four students, such as group games and STEM courses, so that young people can get to know themselves through games, understand their strengths and interests, and like art more. It’s still science. “Every time I finish playing a link, there will be debriefing. Just now everyone had conflict. What should I do? Help him see himself. It turns out that I am a very conqueror. So when I disagree with others, I don’t at all. To be able to listen to others”.

Students who only focus on grades have no time to know themselves

However, the student attendance rate is not high. “It’s so busy. The school has homework, and I have to make tuition and learn the piano. I have a lot of time.” Before the epidemic, all major tuition institutions had branches in 18 districts. In the evening hours, there were long queues in front of the tuition clubs playing snake cakes. The middle school students Tan Qiaolian knew “returning to school is a side job, and tutoring is the main job.” She said that Hong Kong’s education system is too focused on grades, and students are busy studying and going to university, instead of having time to get to know themselves seriously, “You ask them, “What do you want to do in the future? What do you want to study in college? What are your interests?” They are so hard to talk about it. You listen, because there are so many, but I don’t know which one is suitable for me. I’m buried in the whole reading process. No one scares him how to know myself.” Primary and secondary school hours are tense, and catching up with the course schedule is already tight. Not to mention the need to add activities during class time to let students understand themselves. When young people grow up, they don’t know their development goals and directions, and they are easy to get lost.

Working young people will also get lost. Her latest research is about the phenomenon of young people taking photos. The average person may think that the actions of the people who take photos are out of sexual needs, but she found that there are more complicated reasons behind them. I think the most important reason is not sex, but the distress that daily life gives them.” The secret photographer said that because of the long and busy working hours, they repeat the same process every day, and no one around them talks about their troubles. “When I have a problem or difficulty, how can I call someone? No, so forget it, and suppress the problem. When I return to the housing estate, I rarely communicate directly with my family, babble and babble, and be my own.” Life is depressing and boring. They can’t see the direction and hope of life. They want to seek excitement, so they commit crimes, and the risk of being caught in sneak shots is low. “A young man interviewed said that it seemed to be a strange egg, which made him feel good. A strong sense of success, if there is no one to catch it.”

The deviant behavior of the sneak shots is a minority, but the camp and the lack of excitement in life, I believe many people feel the same, especially the two years trapped in Hong Kong. “Hong Kong people should slow down. Everyone has enough time to think about their own lives. Apart from thinking about their own lives, should they have enough time to have more contact and communication with friends and family? I think it is good. When you are lost, when you can’t find the spark of life, occasionally lie down, work slowly, and take care of your own spiritual needs. It’s not a bad thing. “Why are you so hardworking? You have to rework all day long. Come on?”

Society needs more than hard work

She teaches in the Department of Social Work at a university. She said that college students are also very hardworking, with a high attendance rate, and stress on academic performance. However, there is always silence when students are asked questions in class, and students do not have the confidence to ask or answer loudly. This is also a common phenomenon among students in Hong Kong. The Hong Kong education system encourages students to recite standard answers. Students are afraid of making mistakes and trying. But she said that universities and society need more flexible use of knowledge and flexible dealing skills. “These are not for hard work, not for a cow. We need to use our brains, we need to eat our brains, more than food.”

When adults accuse young people of lying flat, young people are not hardworking, “We have suffered a lot…” She disagrees with adults being high above, using a critical perspective to label young people, lying flat or hardworking is not right or wrong. There is no distinction between adults and young people. “Don’t think that we are adults. You are a professor who is better than a young man, but not a young man! Young people have a lot of things worth learning in our adult society.” She mentioned that she had participated in STEM courses in secondary schools. After the girls in a class of Forms 3 and 4 took 4 basic STEM training courses, they had to complete a product. One year the theme was fashion. After the students finished learning to make flashing light strips , Put in skirts, sneakers, and design fashion shows; another year to make smart homes, using technology to turn on lights and air conditioners, “They use mechanics to turn on the lights if they don’t know how…” She smiled and said that she didn’t understand the principles at all. , I don’t know how to explain it, but her ability to learn and accept new things must be inferior to them. The creativity of young people makes her shine even more, “You will think that the motivation and ability of young people are so amazing.”

The characteristics of young people can guide and play

“Even the young people of delinquent, you have a lot to learn from them, they have their talents, and they have passed us.” She said that sometimes she thinks there is only one way, but teenagers have a faster speed. I can make other suggestions and ask her, “Miss, do you have to do something about it?” When looking for a meeting with all the people, my sister’s one sentence is better than her ten sentences, “We will invite them to help volunteers and set up a booth. In short, if she promises you, she will do well. They talk about loyalty.” Seeing the characteristics of young people, guiding and exerting them, the “weighing” in the eyes of others can turn into leadership skills, “What do you think is bad for her, when you encourage her, let her put her in some places where she can contribute. In fact, they can do well and don’t be too superficial.” Speaking of the trend among young people not to work long-term, and to return a few freelances to develop diverse interests, she said that she would definitely not be able to do it, “I admire him so much!”

Wen˙ Zhu Linlin

{Picture} Feng Kaijian

{Art} Zhang Yuqi

{Edit} Wang Cuili

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