The concept of trauma recovery is increasingly shifting away from a model of erasure and toward one of rediscovery, according to mental health professionals. Rather than attempting to eliminate the impact of past experiences, the focus is evolving to understanding how trauma shapes individuals and, uncovering their authentic selves.
This reframing acknowledges that individuals impacted by trauma often adapt behaviors and interests not out of genuine preference, but as survival mechanisms. These adaptations, developed during formative years, can obscure a person’s true identity. “Recovery is about rediscovering and rebuilding who we REALLY are—or, maybe, discovering and building who we really are for the first time,” a recent exploration of the topic suggests.
The “fawn response,” a trauma reaction identified by psychotherapist Pete Walker, exemplifies this phenomenon. Defined as consistently abandoning one’s own needs to appease others and avoid conflict, fawning is often a learned behavior stemming from environments where safety was contingent on compliance. According to Psychology Today, the fawn response is “a survival mechanism during chronic stress and trauma,” particularly prevalent in marginalized communities where it can become a deeply ingrained pattern.
This response, alongside the more commonly known fight, flight, and freeze reactions, represents a fundamental way the nervous system attempts to navigate perceived threats. As detailed by RAINN, the organization dedicated to combating sexual violence, fawning involves “appeasing or placating the threat to reduce harm.” The Charlie Health website further explains that fawning is a “people-pleasing behavior meant to avoid conflict,” often resulting in individuals ignoring their own needs and struggling to assert themselves.
The implications of recognizing fawning as a trauma response are significant. It allows individuals to move beyond self-blame for patterns of people-pleasing and begin to address the underlying trauma that drives the behavior. Therapies focused on boundary setting and emotional prioritization are proving effective in helping survivors reclaim agency and prioritize their own well-being.
However, the process of uncovering one’s authentic self after trauma is not a swift or simple one. It requires a willingness to confront discomfort and acknowledge the possibility of not fully knowing who one is. This is particularly true for those whose developmental stages were consumed by survival, leading them to adopt behaviors and interests as a means of securing safety or acceptance.
The emphasis is on curiosity rather than judgment, acknowledging that the adaptations made during traumatic experiences were, at the time, necessary for survival. The goal isn’t to discard the past, but to integrate it into a more complete understanding of oneself. Paying attention to what genuinely sparks interest and brings joy, beyond the realm of pain, can serve as a guide in this process.
Therapists in Baltimore note that recognizing fawning as a trauma response allows individuals to address the underlying issues and take steps toward healing. The process is incremental, a daily practice of self-discovery and rebuilding, rather than a dramatic overhaul of personality.
