For many, the act of creating is intrinsically linked to joy. But what happens when that joy is overshadowed by the pressure to perform, to be *fine*? Writer Sian Cain recently revisited oil painting, a medium she’d abandoned after the carefree days of childhood, and discovered that the real reward wasn’t in the finished product, but in the process itself – and in learning to embrace the struggle.
Cain’s artistic journey began with a charming introduction to Vincent van Gogh, not through tales of mental anguish or a severed ear, but through Brenda V Northeast’s picture book, For the Love of Vincent, which reimagined the artist as a teddy bear. This whimsical entry point sparked a lifelong fascination with Van Gogh’s work, even inspiring a memorable Book Week costume – a young Cain proudly presented herself as “Vincent Van Bear.” The initial joy of painting, however, would eventually give way to anxiety as art became subject to grading and evaluation in high school.
Years later, a desire to reconnect with that creative spark, coupled with a fascination with the perceived prestige of oil paints, led Cain to enroll in a 12-week oil painting class. The course, demanding four hours each Sunday, covered the fundamentals: color theory, composition, drawing, and the crucial skill of paint mixing. “We had to gain our palette approved by the teacher before starting each painting,” Cain recounts, highlighting the rigorous approach to mastering the basics.
The journey wasn’t uncomplicated. Cain describes the challenges of learning a new medium, the frustration of not being immediately proficient, and the humbling realization that artistic skill requires dedication and perseverance. One particularly demanding assignment involved painting a satin ribbon, a task that left her “miserable” and questioning her abilities. But it was through this struggle that she discovered a valuable lesson: the importance of finding pleasure in the process, even when the results aren’t perfect.
“I wasn’t immediately good at oil painting,” Cain admits. “One week I spent three miserable hours trying to paint a satin ribbon curled on a table, and went home in a filthy mood. I was angry for not being effortlessly great at something difficult and I was angry at myself for being angry about it.” However, upon retrieving the painting, she found it wasn’t as bad as she’d feared, and more importantly, she had learned something about her own limitations and potential for growth.
The class too presented unexpected challenges, like being tasked with painting a white sheet against a white background – a lesson in humility delivered by a demanding instructor. Despite these hurdles, Cain found herself gradually gaining confidence, culminating in a newfound willingness to paint without the pressure of external expectations.
A simple act – sticking her weekly creations on the fridge – transformed into a personal “gallery wall,” a space for self-assessment and a reminder of her progress. “Visitors spot my paintings and ask about them, and I have gradually learned to not cringe when they do,” she shares, a testament to her growing self-acceptance and artistic courage.
Cain’s experience is a powerful reminder that artistic expression isn’t about innate talent or flawless execution, but about the willingness to embrace the learning process, to persevere through challenges, and to uncover joy in the act of creation itself. It’s a lesson that resonates far beyond the canvas, offering a valuable perspective on navigating any pursuit where mastery requires dedication and a willingness to accept imperfection.
As Cain continues to explore her newfound passion for oil painting, she embodies the spirit of Van Gogh himself – not the tormented artist of legend, but the determined creator who found beauty and meaning in the world around him, and who, perhaps, would be proud to see his legacy inspiring a new generation of artists, even those who start as “Vincent Van Bears.”
What are your experiences with revisiting a creative pursuit? Share your thoughts in the comments below, and let’s continue the conversation.