Parents seeking help from the Youth Support Service after realizing their child is a victim of violence or incest on the part of the father can face backlash, as shown in the cases of Delphine and Julie. Delphine was under her violent spouse’s influence for years, and even after they separated, she wanted her daughter to see her father. However, disturbing remarks and marks on her daughter’s body led to complaints with the police, which were not followed up. Julie went through a similar situation with her son, with both mothers being accused of suffering from Münchhausen syndrome by proxy when seeking help. This controversial and scientifically unrecognized concept is associated with parental alienation syndrome and can be used to discredit mothers who denounce violence on the part of the father. The lack of means of investigation and evidence of maternal toxicity further exacerbate these situations. As a result, protective mothers can be dismissed from their children’s lives, ultimately putting them at risk.
They realize that their child is a victim of violence, even incest, on the part of the father. They are worried and ask for help from the Youth Support Service. And suddenly, everything turns against them.
Münchhausen syndrome by proxy
Delphine lived for several years under the influence of a violent spouse. Physical, verbal and psychological violence was part of his daily life. The birth of his daughter did not help matters. Delphine lived everything in silence. Out of shame. So as not to further complicate the situation. When she and her spouse finally separate, little Lucie is 3 years old. Delphine still wants her to see her father. She tells herself that it is not because he was violent with her that he will be with his daughter.
The little one spends every other weekend with her dad. When she returns, she makes disturbing remarks. She speaks of beatings and strangulations, she mimics gestures. Marks on his body, especially on the neck, corroborate his words. Delphine is worried. She went several times to her attending physician and then to the emergency room, who found suspicious lesions. In addition, the father would not follow the medical treatments prescribed for the little girl who suffers from respiratory and digestive problems. She filed several complaints with the police against her ex-husband. They will not be followed up.
Delphine seeks help and an association directs her to the Youth Assistance Service (SAJ) of Liège. She goes there with a certificate from the attending physician. But, gradually, this request for support will turn against her. Despite the elements she brings – certificates from several doctors, numerous written testimonies, photos – the workers do not believe her. They tell her that she is seeking revenge on her ex-husband. A child psychiatrist declared her to be suffering from Münchhausen syndrome by proxy. She is the one who would induce diseases to her daughter to draw attention to herself. It is therefore she who would be dangerous. Lucie is therefore entrusted to the sole custody of her father.
A counter-expertise sweeps away this diagnosis. But nothing helps. The more Delphine defends herself, the more she is kept away from her daughter. Six years after his removal, the visits supervised by a psychologist – which took place one hour a month – were abruptly interrupted by the Youth Protection Service.
At least a hundred similar cases in Belgium
Julie went through a similar situation with her son Arthur. She too was under the influence of her ex-companion and father of her son. When they separate, Arthur is 3 years old. She wants the little one to continue to see his father. But when he returned from weekends with him, the little one complained of stomach aches. He spends hours on his potty and Julie observes strange stools. She went to her doctor several times, then to the emergency room, which referred her to a gastropediatrician. She informs him that her son has been sexually abused. Julie falls from the clouds. “You know it exists but it concerns your child is inconceivable“, explains Julie.
The doctor directs him to the SAJ and at first the father is ruled out. He can only see his son framed. But when Julie learns that he was able to go out one afternoon with his son, she loses her temper. “From there, I was typecast. And it all turned against me“. She would force her son to say that he is abused by his father. Because the child talks, he talks about physical and psychological violence, sexual assault too, with the help of objects. He talks about it to psychologists and a report from the Center for the Prevention of Sexual Violence (CPVS) found anal lesions.
Julie is also accused of suffering from Münchhausen syndrome by proxy. It’s all down to parental conflict. He is forced into mediation with his ex-spouse. “It was absurd, that was really not the point, I was long over this relationship, all I wanted was to protect my son“, explains Julie.
Several experts and associations have analyzed cases like those of Delphine and Julie. Vie Féminine, Femmes de droit or Innocences en danger – Belgium have identified around a hundred similar situations. “This census took place in 2020explains Miriam Ben Jattou, jurist and founder of the association Femmes de droit. We have collected other testimonies since. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg !”.
In both cases, it is a question of discrediting mothers who denounce violence on the part of the father on their child.
How are such situations possible? Several experts associate the concept de Munchausen Parental Alienation Syndrome, a controversial and scientifically unrecognized concept. “In both cases, it is a question of discrediting mothers who denounce violence on the part of the father on their child“, emphasizes Marie Denis, clinical psychologist. “I have also read in reports terms like “hysterical” or “paranoid” which aim to pathologize the discourse of mothers. Of course, manipulations can exist in cases of separation, but we must first analyze whether there is violence or not.“
We did not receive authorization to question the staff of the SPJ in Liège with whom Julie and Delphine had to deal. Only Valérie Devis, General Administrator of Youth Aid, agreed to speak. “I have heard of this controversial topic. But I want to say that, in my opinion, parental alienation is not a reason for taking care“. In the files that we consulted – where intra-family violence is very present – this concept was however well used, explicitly or implicitly, in expert opinions, in reports written by the SPJ or in judgments of the Court of family or youth.
Hide this incest that I cannot see
For Myriam Ben Jattou, the denial of incest would also play a role in the demonization of protective mothers. “The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that 20% of women and 5-10% of men have been victims. And besides that, the speakers have the impression that if all the accusations had to be believed, there would only be that. Well… Yes actually. There shouldn’t be a week without hearing about it. But it’s so uncomfortable that we prefer not to believe it.“
Before taking up the post of General Delegate for the Rights of the Child, in February 2023, Soulayman Laqdim had a long experience in justice and in youth assistance. According to him, the lack of means of investigation also comes into play in the management of these files. “I saw many magistrates very affected, torn between their intimate conviction that a person was guilty, and the impossibility of gathering tangible proof. At the Liège public prosecutor’s office, the frame has been reduced by a third in recent years. This is reflected at the level of the police zones: longer and less efficient investigations“.
A bundle of clues allowing one to question the integrity of the father is not always enough to penalize the aggressor. “But there is even less evidence of maternal toxicityadds Verlaine Urbain, of Innocence in danger – Belgium. Parental alienation or Münchhausen syndrome by proxy are labels that are often attached to them without a medical report. But that is enough to dismiss the mother of the child. In any case, this is what we observe in our files.“
The stories of Delphine and Julie are a stark reminder of the reality of domestic violence and the dire consequences that result from a lack of proper support for victims. These mothers sought help for their children, only to be discredited and accused of causing harm themselves. The concept of Münchhausen syndrome by proxy and Parental Alienation Syndrome has been used to pathologize the discourse of mothers and discredit their claims of violence against their children. In situations where intra-family violence is prevalent, these concepts are often used explicitly or implicitly in expert opinions and court judgments, despite not being scientifically recognized. The lack of proper investigation and resources for law enforcement also plays a critical role in these cases, preventing the proper punishment of the aggressors and causing further harm to the victims. The demonization of protective mothers and the denial of incest must stop if we hope to create a safer future for children and families.