In a personal essay published by Business Insider, Andrea Manokian chronicles the persistent challenges of relocating from the dense, familiar networks of Los Angeles to the coastal city of Santa Barbara. Four years after the move, Manokian reports that the transition has been difficult, marked by a lingering sense of isolation and a struggle to replicate the community structure she left behind in Glendale. She reflects that she was born and raised in Los Angeles and never imagined she would leave, noting, “I grew up in Los Angeles and never thought I’d leave, but love led me to move to Santa Barbara.”
The Erosion of Social Infrastructure
Manokian writes that her move was driven by a romantic relationship, leaving behind a life in Los Angeles where she was deeply embedded in a diverse social ecosystem. She describes her former home as a place where she was surrounded by individuals at various life stages, providing a natural, organic sense of kinship. She notes that she was never far from friends she had made throughout her life, and she had become acquainted with their friends as well, a deep web of connection she lost upon moving. In contrast, she describes Santa Barbara's social environment as more closed. Manokian notes that her current circle is largely limited to her partner’s long-standing childhood friends, transient college students, and an older demographic of retirees.
The author highlights the difficulty of breaking into these established cliques. She notes that many locals she encountered had either never left the region or had returned after college, creating a barrier for newcomers. Despite attempting to use the Bumble BFF app to forge new connections, Manokian reports that the efforts often failed to yield long-lasting friendships. She attributes part of this difficulty to the nature of the city, which she characterizes as a “pass-through” destination for many in her age group who do not intend to settle there permanently.
Moving to Santa Barbara Severed Manokian's Cultural Connections
A significant portion of Manokian’s struggle stems from the loss of her cultural identity. As an Armenian-American raised in Glendale—a city known for its significant Armenian diaspora—she had constant access to specific cultural foods, markets, and the ability to speak her native language in daily interactions. She writes that the move to Santa Barbara effectively severed this connection, leading her to reach out to relatives by phone simply to maintain her linguistic roots. She admits, “I never realized how rooted I was” in that specific environment.
The daily rhythms of life in a coastal city also presented a stark departure from her expectations. Growing up inland, Manokian viewed the beach as a destination for weekend trips, while frequenting malls and local cafes served as her primary social pastime. She reports that the lack of proximity to these familiar urban amenities, combined with the physical distance from Los Angeles—a drive she describes as an “hourslong commitment”—has intensified her feeling of being a transplant rather than a local.
The Athletic Barrier in Santa Barbara
The social culture of her new home appears heavily oriented toward outdoor activities, which Manokian identifies as another hurdle to integration. While she notes that she was not surprised by the popularity of surfing and beach volleyball, the local obsession with pickleball caught her off guard. She explains that her lack of athletic inclination, combined with the group-oriented nature of these sports, made it difficult to participate. She recounts an instance where she declined an invitation to a pickleball birthday party because she felt uncomfortable being a novice in a group setting, a decision that highlighted her feeling of being an outsider. She notes, “I didn’t want to take away from her big day by having to be taught how to play the sport.”
Finding Equilibrium Through Solitude and Service
Despite the persistent challenges of the past four years, Manokian reports that she has begun to find a sense of stability. She has sought to fill some of the void by becoming an active volunteer with organizations including the American Red Cross, The Dream Foundation, and ENGin.
Manokian concludes that while she has yet to find a “tribe” that mirrors the community she left behind, she has become increasingly comfortable with solitude. She now frequently dines, visits museums, and attends movies alone, embracing the “slow living” aesthetic of the coast. She remains hopeful that by continuing to engage with her new environment, the right connections will eventually materialize.
