The Rising Tolerance for Discomfort: Why Embracing Awkwardness is the Future of Connection
Nearly 70% of adults report experiencing social anxiety in some form, often manifesting as a deep-seated fear of causing – or experiencing – awkwardness. But what if the problem isn’t you, but the unrealistic expectation of seamless social performance? A growing body of thought, fueled by philosophical inquiry and a post-pandemic reassessment of social norms, suggests that learning to navigate, and even welcome, awkward moments is not just a social skill, but a crucial step towards more authentic and meaningful relationships.
Beyond the Script: Understanding the Roots of Awkwardness
Philosopher Alexandra Plakias, author of Awkwardness: A Theory, argues that **awkwardness** isn’t a personality flaw, but a situational breakdown of unwritten social scripts. We operate under a constant stream of assumptions about how interactions *should* unfold – from the appropriate level of eye contact to the topics considered safe for small talk. When these scripts falter, we’re left improvising, and that’s where the discomfort arises. This isn’t a “you” problem; it’s an “us” problem, a collective reliance on often-unconscious social rules.
However, the experience of awkwardness isn’t uniform. Some individuals are more attuned to subtle social cues, while others may unintentionally disrupt them. But attributing awkwardness to a single person obscures the misalignment of expectations. As Plakias points out, often it’s not that someone *is* awkward, but that our scripts are simply out of sync.
The Cringe Factor: Awkwardness in Retrospect
While awkwardness is an in-the-moment experience, “cringe” is its delayed reaction. That gut-wrenching feeling you get replaying a social blunder hours or days later? That’s cringe. It stems from our tendency to interpret awkwardness as a reflection of our inherent flaws. Shifting the narrative – recognizing that awkward moments often reveal something about the situation, not about our character – can significantly lessen the sting.
This distinction is crucial. The fear of future cringe often paralyzes us, preventing us from taking risks and fostering genuine connection.
The Post-Pandemic Shift: A Lowered Threshold for Social Friction
The COVID-19 pandemic dramatically altered our social landscape. Prolonged isolation and the subsequent re-entry into social settings have, paradoxically, created a greater tolerance for social friction. We’ve become more accustomed to rusty social skills and the inevitable awkwardness that comes with rebuilding connections. This isn’t to say people *enjoy* awkwardness, but rather that the stakes feel lower. The pressure to maintain a perfect social facade has diminished, creating space for more authentic, albeit sometimes clumsy, interactions.
This trend is further amplified by the rise of online culture, where vulnerability and imperfection are often celebrated. Platforms like TikTok and Instagram encourage a more unfiltered presentation of self, normalizing awkwardness and challenging traditional social norms.
Awkwardness as a Moral Compass: The Cost of Avoiding Discomfort
The avoidance of awkwardness can have serious consequences, extending far beyond minor social discomfort. Plakias highlights the example of the #MeToo movement, where fear of creating awkwardness prevented many men from intervening in instances of harassment. This demonstrates that prioritizing social comfort over ethical responsibility can perpetuate harmful behavior.
Avoiding difficult conversations to sidestep awkwardness also hinders personal growth and prevents us from addressing important issues. Grief, loss, and challenging societal problems often require uncomfortable dialogues, and a fear of awkwardness can lead to silence and isolation. The American Psychological Association reports a continued rise in social anxiety, suggesting a growing need to reframe our relationship with discomfort.
The Future of Social Interaction: Embracing the Pause
Looking ahead, the ability to navigate awkwardness will become an increasingly valuable skill. As societal norms continue to evolve and traditional scripts become less reliable, we’ll need to be comfortable with ambiguity and improvisation. This requires a shift in mindset – from viewing awkwardness as a failure to seeing it as an opportunity for growth and connection.
Here are a few practical steps to cultivate this mindset:
- Admit Uncertainty: Instead of pretending to know the “right” thing to say or do, acknowledge your uncertainty. A simple “I’m not sure what the protocol is here” can diffuse tension and open the door for collaborative navigation.
- Clarify Priorities: Before entering a potentially awkward situation, identify your goals. Are you trying to build rapport, address a difficult issue, or simply maintain civility? Knowing your priorities will guide your responses.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Recognize that everyone experiences awkwardness. Don’t beat yourself up over minor social missteps.
- Embrace the Pause: Resist the urge to fill every silence. Sometimes, a moment of quiet contemplation is more valuable than forced conversation.
Ultimately, learning to embrace awkwardness isn’t about eliminating discomfort; it’s about cultivating resilience, authenticity, and a deeper understanding of the complex social dynamics that shape our lives. It’s about recognizing that the most meaningful connections often emerge from the spaces *between* the scripts.
What strategies do you use to navigate awkward social situations? Share your experiences in the comments below!
