2024-04-25 03:40:00
achieve certain desires It does not always give us the taste we would have expected.. Like when we reach a dream position in the company after a lot of effort. Or when we start a relationship that we wanted so much. Success alone does not necessarily give us a sense of fulfillment, any more than money, power or working towards a greater purpose does. The reasons are subtle, but we would find a possible explanation if we broadened our view to what…
Subscribe to continue reading
Read without limits
achieve certain desires It does not always give us the taste we would have expected.. Like when we reach a dream position in the company after a lot of effort. Or when we start a relationship that we wanted so much. Success alone does not necessarily give us a sense of fulfillment, any more than money, power or working towards a greater purpose does. The reasons are subtle, but we would find a possible explanation if we broadened our gaze to what really moves us. When we think about our daily decisions, we discover that we have drives that underlie fear or desire, satisfaction or what worries us. Moreover, these engines have accompanied us throughout our evolution as humans, remaining fairly stable over the past 300,000 years and allowing us to survive as a species. And most importantly, they affect our well-being and happiness, even if we are not always aware of them.
More than two decades ago Paul Lawrence, eminent professor of Harvard, embarked on the analysis of the innate impulses that shape us. He discovered that throughout the stages of human development, four essential engines have been formed that must be in balance for us to feel fulfilled.
The first engine is get what we need to survive, whether tangible, such as shelter, food or clothing, or intangible, such as money, success, power or pleasure. The second driving force is the bond with other people through love, friendship, care or solidarity. The third is to understand the world around us and ourselves. This is significantly different from the rest of the mammals and was what allowed us to make an exponential leap in evolution. Thanks to this engine, we have the innate need to learn, to find a meaning or purpose in what we do or to express ourselves, whether in cave paintings or in children’s drawings. Finally, it is the engine for defending what we need, both goods or ties, as well as ideas, and through which we seek physical and psychological security in relationships and in our environment.
The four engines (acquire, bind, understand and defend) must be in balance in our lives. It would be equivalent to imagining ourselves sitting in a four-legged chair. If one of the legs is bigger or smaller, the chair wobbles, as it happens to us, for example, when we feel bad in a job where we do not understand the purpose of what we are doing. Or why success or money can leave us with a great void if it has meant neglecting our personal relationships. Furthermore, motors are not only innate in each person, but contexts can favor their balance. This is what happens in professional teams, where people are fulfilled and engaged; or in emotional relationships, which help us grow. It has also been observed in places around the world called blue zones, where there is a large concentration of centenarians. Whether in good teams, in rewarding relationships or in environments where people age gently, the requirements that fuel the four evolutionary engines are met: there is recognition, healthy bonds are generated, purpose is present and safe environments are provided. Furthermore, even leaders who positively influence are those who foster essential leadership, as it is often called; That is, they are able to give a balanced response to the four engines that unite us as human beings, beyond differences.
Jerome Barkow, professor emeritus at Dalhousie University in Canada, said: “Biology is not destiny, unless we ignore it.” We can say that the four motors are part of our biology and work automatically. From there, happiness can be thought of as coming from the hand of a single engine, whether it is acquiring in some of its expressions or that of binding, for example. However, what fulfills us as humans is a different path: it means connecting to our essence and acknowledging our deep needs to acquire, bond, understand and defend ourselves, but not get carried away by them. This is only achieved when we become aware of how these four elements work in each of us and we learn to balance them in a balance that will develop throughout life. Only in this way will we create the basis for feeling more fulfilled as human beings.
Pilar Jericó She is the author of the blog Happiness laboratory and from the book Discover what really moves you (Alienta, 2024)
1714019622
#Balance #achieve #fulfillment #PAÍS #Weekly #Psychology #wellbeing