Music producer Benny Blanco revealed that creating a structured manifestation list with his therapist helped him find his wife, Selena Gomez. The couple, who first met 15 years ago, married in September 2025 after years of professional collaboration and a gradual transition into a romantic relationship.
The Therapist-Guided Checklist That Shaped Benny Blanco’s Relationship
Long before marrying Selena Gomez in September 2025, music producer Benny Blanco turned to professional guidance to reevaluate his romantic life. Appearing on a recent episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, the 38-year-old producer shared that he felt frustrated by his inability to find a lasting partner.
I said, 'I really wanna find the right partner, and I'm doing something wrong,'
Blanco recalled telling his therapist, adding, I can’t find the person that I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with, and I want to do that.
His therapist encouraged him to write down a clear set of guidelines and a list of essential qualities he wanted in an “ideal partner.”
Broad Guidelines and Non-Negotiable Traits
Rather than focusing on superficial physical details or things like I want their like left toe longer than their right,
Blanco drafted a list centered on emotional maturity and foundational compatibility. His primary criteria required a partner to be age-appropriate
and possess an inherently kind demeanor.
Then the second thing on my list was, someone who's nice. Nice, caring, compassionate, like someone who’s a nice person,
he told listeners of The Mel Robbins Podcast.
These were like broad things, and if it didn't meet those like first five or six things, [I] couldn't even pursue,
Blanco explained. One of the top items on his criteria sheet was finding someone who maintained a generally positive outlook, specifically wanting someone who woke up generally happy.
“And if they were sad, they were doing something about it. Like they were going to therapy, they were taking medicine if they need to, they were doing yoga. They were actively trying to [change things].”
Benny Blanco, Music Producer
Shared Mental Health Transparency and Emotional Alignment
That emphasis on mental health awareness naturally aligned with Gomez, who is 34 years old and openly advocates for psychiatric care while managing bipolar disorder. Speaking on an episode of Blanco’s podcast, Friends Keep Secrets, Gomez noted the benefits of having a partner who understands emotional temperature: It is helpful to have a partner that will understand where the temperature is at and meet you where you are.
Blanco is similarly vocal about his own struggles, admitting in an interview with Audacy that he gets crippled by anxiety.
It's OK to not be OK all the time,
he added, noting that people should be real about not always being fine, should talk about their battles, and should find someone great to talk to.
A Relationship Built on Fifteen Years of Timing
Although the couple share a deep personal connection today—and are preparing to celebrate their wedding anniversary at the end of this month—their romantic relationship required years of patience. The pair originally crossed paths 15 years ago.
We worked together five or six years after that, and then again five or six years after that, and had a casual friendship… then we started dating a few years after that,
Blanco told Robbins, noting that he was immensely surprised when Gomez asked him out on a date for the first time.
Before dating Blanco, Gomez was in a relationship with Justin Bieber, whom she began dating in 2010 before parting ways for good in 2018, and dated The Weeknd (real name Abel Tesfaye) from January 2017 to October 2017. Blanco was previously in a relationship with model Elsie Hewitt from 2019 to 2020 after meeting on the set of his music video for the song “Graduation” alongside Juice WRLD.
Reflecting on the final timeline with Gomez, Blanco emphasized that the romance would never have flourished earlier. We always talk about how it never would’ve worked out if it were at a different time or place in our lives, because neither one of us would’ve likely been ready,
he noted.
