2024-03-16 16:04:28
I’ve been in a period of self-censorship lately, and I’ll start blaming myself at the slightest sign of trouble. The good thing is that I have practiced self-awareness for many years, so it is not easy to fall into the endless cycle of self-blame. When I am alert to this phenomenon, I can stop myself immediately. But after all, we are still in such a sensitive period, so life is not too peaceful.
My teeth are pretty good. I have only had one tooth decay as far as I can remember, and that time it was only after the doctor discovered it because of a dental cleaning. I have never experienced toothache caused by tooth decay. The most painful experience at the dentist was probably the extraction of wisdom teeth, but I was lucky enough to meet a very good doctor, and I happened to be in the human trial stage of a new technology, so I used health insurance to experience pain-reduced tooth extraction.
Having good teeth really saves a lot of money and a lot of pain, but among all the neat teeth in my mouth, the ones I lost were the upper front teeth that I couldn’t ignore.
magical car accident
About 10 years ago, I had a mysterious car accident. I fell while riding a bicycle. I braked too hard and flew straight away with my bag in the basket. One of the amazing things is that except for the injury to my face, my whole body was not injured. Because when I landed, my hands happened to rest on the flying bag, and my legs were fine because I was wearing jeans (the jeans had holes), but my face hit the asphalt road.
In that car accident, in addition to a hole in my philtrum, one of my front teeth, which was already slightly protruding, was broken. The tooth was broken very deeply. Normally, the dental implant would have to be removed directly. Fortunately, I had a very good dental implant. My best friend is a dentist, and he spent a lot of time and patiently helping me put dental nails back in place, but he also told me that this usually only lasts 10-15 years, and in the end I still need dental implants. Because the front tooth was a bit protruding, she suggested that I have it corrected while the tooth is still there, so that it would be better to have the tooth implanted in the right position.
I have been putting off this matter until recently, I felt that the gap between my front teeth seemed to be getting bigger and bigger, and it seemed that I should deal with it as soon as possible. After the introduction of my best friend, I made an appointment with an orthodontic specialist near my home, and I went to the site to report today.
First experience of correction consultation
Because it was my first visit, I filled out a lot of surveys. One of them was about what I wanted to do. I filled in the “front teeth”, and there was another option after that was “I want to be more beautiful.” I thought about it and decided that I wanted to have my front teeth treated. In fact, it’s also because I want to be beautiful, so I’ll just fill in “yes”.
When it was my turn to consult with the dentist, the doctor first explained the process to me. Later, when he saw that I wrote that I wanted to be more beautiful, he analyzed my face shape with me. Because my chin is relatively short, so if the photo is used to evaluate I might consult a plastic surgeon for orthognathic surgery later. The doctor explained the procedure to me very professionally. All I could think about was
“I don’t want to change the shape of my face!”
Later, I explained to the doctor why I wrote that I wanted to be more beautiful. I don’t know if he didn’t understand what I meant, or if it was just the result of the correction. In short, the final result was that my face shape would change no matter what. I also made it clear to the doctor that I actually only wanted to deal with the front teeth (the gaps), and I didn’t want to deal with the other parts. But he told me that they were doing full-mouth correction, and they were not doing partial correction. After all, Teeth are tied to each other.
aware
When the doctor analyzed my face shape and said that my chin was too short, I clearly felt a sense of resistance running out of my heart. Although I don’t think I have a perfect face shape, this face makes me I’m quite used to it, and I don’t have too much dissatisfaction (I feel a little dissatisfied when I don’t look good, but that has nothing to do with my face shape), but when I am judged by a certain “standard”, I feel strong resistance.
Although it was not very strong, I felt that I was out of anger, but my reason knew that the doctor was not criticizing me, he was just doing his “duty”, so I fell into myself again. In the state of censorship, I blame myself for not being angry, but I can’t restrain myself from being angry.
Looking into the origin of this anger, it is because I am obsessed with my “real, original self”. If I am liked by more people because I change my appearance, I will feel that it is a denial of my “original self”, even though That’s not necessarily true, but I just subconsciously resist in a “raunchy” way.
Everyone’s treasure bag
After being exposed to Buddhism for more than a year now, I feel more and more that every characteristic of each person is his or her own treasure, but how we use these treasures or how we view these treasures is what makes us happy or sad. I wanted to explain why the previous story led to this conclusion, but I remembered my recent waste essay practice plan, so I thought I’d stop here! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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