2023-12-23 18:01:46
Published23. December 2023, 7:01 p.m
Guide: Five golden rules for a harmonious Christmas with the family
Christmas can be so beautiful – and yet it often causes frustration, arguments and divided families. With these five tips, your family Christmas will definitely be wonderful.
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The 20 Minute Community told us which topics lead to arguments at Christmas.
20min
That’s what it’s about
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Christmas with the family often causes tension, frustration and arguments.
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The reason for this is simple: you see each other much longer than you normally do.
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Two therapists give five tips on how to prevent family arguments at Christmas – and what you can do if it still gets to that point.
Unfortunately, it is a fact: the contemplative Christmas season regularly leads to stress, bad moods and sometimes serious Christmas arguments in families. The reason for this is very simple: “Because you meet each other,” says Berlin family therapist Tobias Peuke to “Welt”. Families who often only see each other every few months or even less often are now together for several days. That leads to trouble.
According to Peuke, all you have to do is follow these five golden rules to make Christmas harmonious.
Tip 1: Talk about expectations
“Christmas is often overloaded with expectations – and if these are disappointed, arguments quickly arise,” the therapist told “Welt”. These expectations would have to be communicated so that they are not disappointed. And in some cases it can simply be toned down a bit, as Christmas is often mainly about being together and eating good food.
Therefore: Be sure to tell family members what is particularly important to you at Christmas.
Tip 2: Avoid sensitive topics
The father is still annoyed about the Corona measures? You can’t talk about politics with your aunt without it getting out of hand? And the grandmother always gossips about her friend because she decided to do volunteer work instead of working 100 percent? The Munich therapist and coach Klaus Eidenschink says: “It is wise to avoid such sensitive topics at Christmas.” After all, you know your “Pappenheimers” and know which topics are better left alone.
Tip 3: Don’t cling to fixed processes
Christmas celebrations often follow very precise procedures and rituals. Guests who come from outside cannot know them at all and thus become sand in the gears of a well-rehearsed play. According to Eidenschink, a good first step is not to freak out if something doesn’t go as planned. However, this is difficult for many people.
Tip 4: Let family conflicts rest
According to therapists, Christmas is one of the worst times to clarify fundamental conflicts. “Going to your parents with the intention of slamming everything on the table that has been annoying you for years – please don’t,” says Peuke. Eidenschink also advises discussing difficult topics beforehand, but definitely not at Christmas.
Tip 5: Consider stress buffers
Of course, there can still be small discrepancies. And the more of it someone swallows, the greater the desire for an outlet becomes. So it’s worth thinking about strategies to deal with it. A walk, an episode of your favorite series or a call to your best friend could help – especially if the celebration lasts several days. Sport also helps to reduce stress.
And if it does escalate?
No matter how hard you try, communicate expectations, lower your expectations, find your inner center with yoga and reduce stress with exercise, maybe at some point things will still fly. The conflict expert’s advice: “It sounds banal, but a Christmas dispute should be interrupted as quickly as possible, ideally before it really escalates,” says Klaus Eidenschink.
If it’s too late for that, it’s best to break up first. Interruption is the be-all and end-all. As soon as things have calmed down a bit, we can sit together again and talk about it. In some cases, however, the only way is to put a good face on the bad side.
And then there’s this: arguments in and of themselves are neither problematic nor harmful, say the experts. With an appropriate conflict style and ability to compromise, it can be very healing. Whether this has to happen under the Christmas tree is up to each individual.
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