2024-03-08 10:44:03
When we meet someone new, at the table, at home or even when we entertain… We take stock of everything the rules of decency that are good to know. Thanks to the advice given by Laurence Caracalla in her work “Learning for Dummies” at First Editions, discover how to make presentations, set a pretty place setting, how to behave at a dinner and many other things.
Rules of etiquette at the table
Propriety dictates that we invite as many men as women when we organize a ‘social’ meal. A very French rule which, according to tradition, would avoid gendered conversations. The problem? If you are organizing a meal in a professional setting, things may get complicated; in this case we do our best… and no one will hold it once morest us. Another element to take into account? Around the table, the most important male guest (the oldest or the one who has never been before) must be seated to the right of the hostess and his partner to the right of the host. What if the most important guest is a woman? She is placed next to the master of the house and so on. We also take care to respect the alternation between men and women. Those engaged or married for less than a year sit side by side.
When you sit around the table, you make sure you sit up straight in your chair; the kidneys should not touch the back of the chair. As for the hands, they must be placed on the table, on each side of the plate. Obviously we don’t start eating until all the guests are seated. Moreover, it is fashionable to wait until the hostess has started eating before following suit.
Table manners, the rules to respect:
You delicately unfold your napkin and place it on your knees, then at the end of dinner, you place it on the table, without folding it. You raise your elbow to drink and you don’t point your little finger in the air. The fork “goes up” towards the mouth, it is not the mouth which “goes down” towards the plate. You don’t sauce, even with your fork and even if it’s tempting! You never cut your salad with your knife. Between 2 bites, place your cutlery on the plate perpendicularly, and do not balance it on each side of the plate. You don’t make big gestures while holding your cutlery and you don’t use your knife to point to something. Remember to wipe your mouth before drinking. You cut a piece of bread with your fingers and especially not with a knife. Do not talk with your mouth full…
New meetings, presentations: the rules of good manners to master
You have to remember that you won’t get a second chance to make a good first impression: this is the time to prove how likable you are. And all doors will be open to us… At the office, in the street, at friends’ houses, you will constantly be confronted with a simple situation which nevertheless confuses some: making introductions.
How to make presentations?
The rule is not rocket science: we introduce the youngest to the oldest, the man to the woman, the one we know least well to the one we know best. In a word, the person we want to honor must have the information as a priority.
What attitude should you adopt when meeting a new person?
Safest ? Let the oldest, most important person in the hierarchy take the initiative… and we imitate them. Generally, if it is a man, it is customary for him to shake hands. The handshake gesture must then be frank… and we must look the other person straight in the eye. This last point is especially true in France because in other countries, the practice is rather to lower your gaze.
How to introduce yourself?
When faced with a new interlocutor, we will avoid the expression “Nice to meet you”. The cause ? This is an abbreviation that gives the impression that we are not prepared to allow more time for said meeting. Instead, we opt for a more complete formula like “I am delighted to meet you” or “I am delighted to meet you” …
Good manners also dictate that we try to minimize our person: we introduce ourselves by stating our first and last name… but not necessarily by giving our position or adding our title (at least not initially). ). In summary, good manners require that we elevate ourselves by lowering ourselves. And we appear smiling and reserved.
The rules of decency when receiving
When you have friends over, you sometimes put a little pressure on yourself to be the perfect hostess. But by following these few rules we should achieve this without too much effort.
Set the table well when you receive
We set a pretty table. It is customary for the tablecloth and napkins to be made of fabric and the cutlery to be made of impeccable silverware. Place the fork on the left, tines on the table, and the knife on the right, blade on the plate side. The water glass (largest) is on the left, the wine glass on the right. We turn off the lights that are too bright and put in candles, for a more intimate atmosphere. They must also ensure that there is always bread on the table and wine in the glasses…
How to welcome your guests?
When friends arrive, we are happy to see them and we do not hesitate to tell them. We introduce them to each other, even though they don’t know each other. If they bring a box of chocolate, we won’t forget to offer them at the end of the dinner. If it’s a bottle of champagne (already chilled), we serve it immediately.
Playing conductor at the table
To ensure that all guests have a good evening, it is up to the hosts to lead the conversation or, rather, to manage its thread. The hosts of the house must be very attentive to the guests, give voice to the silent ones and delicately interrupt the talkative ones…
Coffee is an institution. If you are entertaining, you must not serve coffee at the table but offer guests to drink it in the living room. This should allow guests to mingle a little more following the meal. What if we don’t have enough space? We still suggest swapping chairs during coffee time.
Good manners: manage quantities well when receiving
It’s not really decorum but professionals generally recommend to forecast :
A bottle of champagne for two people A bottle of wine for two or three people One liter of fruit juice for four people One liter of water for four people A bottle of whiskey or vodka for twelve people 75 cl of sangria for six people
How to store an opened bottle of champagne?
It is customary to slip a small silver spoon into the neck of the bottle to better preserve the champagne. However, tests have been carried out and the result is implacable: it is absolutely useless! The only solution ? Put on an airtight cap. Either way, taste it quickly because champagne without bubbles is sad as hell!
Gallantry, showing good manners when you are a man
Old-fashioned gallantry? Today the subject divides a little between those who believe that it is a form of politeness and good manners and those who equate it with a means of seduction. Some rules of decorum seem completely beside the point. Others still remain. If we rely on the rules of good manners, it is appropriate to to be gallant when you are a man. Some rules to know:
Gallantry in the restaurant
The man enters a restaurant first, a way of checking that the place is not disreputable.
The man makes the woman sit on the bench, with her back to the wall, so that she can look out over the room. He never leaves his glass empty: it is up to him to pour her wine. He lets him choose his dishes, but he is the one who gives the order to the maître d’.
Gallantry in all situations
On a staircase, the man passes in front of a woman on a staircase going up and down. This way, he won’t look at her legs on the way up, and will protect her from a fall if she trips on the way down. In the street, he walks on the side of the road, never on the side of the wall, which is reserved for women. The man stands up when a woman enters a room, wherever he is.
The man always waits for the woman to extend her hand to him in order to, in turn, extend hers to him. But will never kiss her hand if he meets her outside, in a restaurant, or in any public place. Or even if she is a young single. Today, hand kissing for “old” singles is accepted!
Excerpts from the book:
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Good manners: dare to be courteous!
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