I bought a fake Apple Watch ULTRA and 2 more fakes on AliExpress so you don’t have to

2023-10-08 21:02:00

Hi all.

You go to AliExpress, and your eyes are always wide open at how many interesting things are sold. And you understand that nothing good can be hidden behind the sign “Everything for 185 rubles.” Having lived half my life, I can say with confidence that good things don’t come cheap. The last time you could buy something good for a penny was during the colonization of the New World, when glass beads, firewater and arquebus could buy you the entire state of Wisconsin, furs and a whole woman.

Nowadays it doesn’t work that way. But sometimes there is a mood when you want to fool around. And so I once ordered a 2 terabyte flash drive, an incomprehensible Xiaomi massager and a fake Apple Watch Ultra. I paid a couple of thousand rubles for everything.

Table of Contents

2 TB flash drive

Flash drives for 1, 2, and sometimes 4 TB are sold on AliExpress in huge quantities. In principle, this is a popular business, since checking such a flash drive is quite difficult.

The flash drive looks like this. Small, neat. Looks nice.

Displayed in the system as an honest 1.9 TB drive.

And here the question arises, how to check such a colossus of space. And at first you think that you will send some super large file there. But who will do this? The speed of the flash drive is minimal. And even copying a 2GB file took over 8 minutes as the copying speed slowed down over time.

And here test software comes to the rescue, which, by the way, is also not very intelligent. All such programs work identically: they generate files and write them to a flash drive until the space runs out. The problem with this approach, I think, is obvious. It takes a lot of time.

In the case of my fake flash drive, the process took almost 2 hours. During this time, the program managed to generate 47.9 GB of data. Well, then the place ran out.

Accordingly, if you see a cheap flash drive for a bunch of terabytes on AliExpress, then buy it, but know that for these 300-700 rubles you will get 40-50 GB of very slow memory. However, I can note the relative reliability of the flash drive. I downloaded several programs for testing, and the flash drive never produced errors during the entire testing period. But, as you understand, this is all a Chinese lottery.

Fake Xiaomi neck massager

I bought this thing because I simply didn’t understand what it even was. Well, I’ll say right away that this nonsense has nothing to do with Xiaomi. It’s just that the Xiaomi brand in the name sells and attracts views.

The massager was packed in such a nice box.

In general, it’s surprising that this is a type of massager. It’s essentially just two terminals on a wire. However, I will say right away that this is not some low-grade consumer goods. Or rather, consumer goods, but high-grade, since they offer to use a Type-C port for charging. And the unit itself is beautifully packaged in a box.

So, let’s go through the design. A wire, two bent pad terminals and a control panel. Power 5 W. The design is intuitive. You put it on your neck, placing the contact surfaces on the trapezius muscles. For better contact, it is recommended to moisten metal surfaces a little.

Voltage is applied to the terminals, which causes muscle contraction. There is power and frequency adjustment, in which high levels can be used in police departments so that suspects make contact more actively. And there is also a warming option.

Massage, of course, sounds loud. I wouldn’t even say it’s pleasant. If the terminals are not wetted, then you will even feel as if you are being stung. When the contact surfaces are wet, they stick to the skin, and then there is no stinging sensation. You just feel the muscles contract and relax.

Surprisingly, the massager has quite a lot of positive reviews. People all over the world buy and are even satisfied.

Perhaps people like the after-effect, when you finally take this thing off, you feel a certain relaxation.

Fake Apple Watch Ultra

The situation is difficult, the salary is ridiculous, and you want to be the most fashionable guy in the area. There is only one way out: buy a fake Apple Watch Ultra. Here I even came across a video on YouTube where similar watches were advertised approximately as I wrote above. At the same time, I cannot help but admit that the fake looks like an ultra-watch.

I sat down to study the watch in a coffee shop, and when the waiter brought the order, seeing me fiddling with the watch, he asked with interest about my impressions of such a fashionable and expensive gadget. And you should have seen what a mixture of contempt and condescension was reflected on the boy’s face when he honestly said that this was a watch for a ruble from AliExpress (of course, I didn’t tell him why and what the watch was bought for). There was no trace of friendliness left.

This, by the way, is surprising and incomprehensible, considering that both he and the waitress had Apple AirPod Max headphones. The coffee shop is in the area, so I often see guys going out to smoke their “ashkas” while glued to their phones. And the barista’s salary, judging by HH, is around 50-60 thousand rubles, or just one Apple AirPod Max per month in gray retail (74,990 rubles in the “Restaurant”). Perhaps in this subculture you can’t admit that yours is fake.

But let’s get back to the clock. In the box, in addition to the watch and strap, there was also a white magnetic charger.

Up close, of course, the watch looks like a terrible fake. Once you pick it up, you understand it even faster. The buttons have some play, the wheel has an idle speed. And the strap quickly attracts dust.

There are screws on the back panel. At first the sensors also seemed drawn, but no. Something glows inside.

The watch tries to copy the Apple Watch as much as possible. There is a Siri item in the settings. But this is a stub that doesn’t work. Hidden under the AppStore icon is a QR code for the application. But I still couldn’t connect the watch to the phone. The watch connects and falls off after 0.5 seconds.

The interface, by the way, works relatively smoothly, allowing you to easily select menus. I recorded a one-minute short about a watch.

The watch offers a large set of sensors – pressure, blood oxygen, heartbeat and even ECG. That is, everything is like in the Apple Watch. But the accuracy of the sensors is minimal. Where the Xiaomi bracelet shows 60 heart beats per minute, the fake Apple Watch gives 85. The pressure also lies, as does the oxygen level in the blood, which is frozen at 99%. But the ECG never worked. Just a demo cardiogram running across the screen.

The buttons are essentially decorative too. The two on the right are responsible for waking up the display. The big red one on the left launches a selection of sports modes. But the wheel can only scroll through training modes. You won’t be able to scroll through the clock menu, since in other cases the wheel is only used to select the clock wallpaper.

To summarize, I would say that this is a fake in the sense that the Chinese watch is only trying to visually resemble the Apple Watch both outside and inside. Well, I don’t care about the accuracy of the data anymore.

This is exactly the toy for those who want to seem fashionable. When the device is on your hand, the design of the clock and menus can be misleading, but only under certain conditions. Because if you even caught a glimpse of the original Apple Watch Ultra, the poor quality of the screen will immediately catch your eye.

There is no point in buying such a watch, since at best it can serve as an electronic watch and a false pedometer. It’s better to buy any Xiaomi Band.

If you want to be fashionable, then you can buy a watch. But it is important to ensure that no one who knows them has time to study them closely, otherwise it will be awkward.

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