I’m messy and I have all the trouble in the world to put away… is it serious, doctor?
2023-05-17 14:00:00
The obsession with order and the obsessive fear of disorder can create real suffering.Photo Pexels.
It is imminent. And you know it. Hand resting firmly on the cupboard, teeth clenched, you know the sequence of events very well. It must be said that the assembled piece, made up of shirts, T-shirts, jeans, panties and tights – folded into a ball – will fall apart the very moment you fold your arm. Like a vulgar castle of… saps. Because despite all your efforts, your interior looks like a battlefield. Multiple objects lie on the ground, like wounded soldiers, and you count a good dozen orphan socks, “survivors” of this ambient chaos. You are what people call – in an exasperated and guilt-ridden tone – “a messy person”.
It must be said that, in recent years, the “mode” storage and minimalism tends to “eradicate” every bit of fabric sticking out of the drawer. But is it so bad to be messy? Is a perfectly tidy living space really realistic? A few months ago, even Marie Kondo, founder of a revolutionary approach to tidying up, fired her cuti by confessing that she’s been living in a happy mess since the arrival of her third child! Definition, reasons, solutions… Christine Benoit, sophrologist and home organizer and author of the book I’m messy, is it serious? helps us put our thoughts in order.
What is a “messy” person?
There are several degrees. First, there is the disorganized person who always finds his things. She knows the boots are in her car or the hammer is in a box in the attic. Other people are disorganized but cannot bring order. They have trouble remembering where things are stored and the clutter can cause them to forget essential information. For example, going on a hike forgetting to take water and food!
What is the link between disorder and emotional state?
Often, people who are messy – and who get lost in their mess – are very attached to their objects, which have real emotional value. Thus, they have a different concept of storage. For example, they will take things out of the closet without trying to get rid of certain things. The messy will not sort or throw away: he will be tempted to pile up.
Is it really that catastrophic?
The disorder is neither a disease nor a sign of mental deviance, it is often bad habits that persist. On the other hand, there can be a considerable impact on social life by inducing shame. This can prevent the messy from inviting friends or lead to a form of loneliness and withdrawal. Obviously, there are extreme cases like Diogenes syndrome (1) but this concerns people who have real behavioral problems.
Why is even slight clutter so frowned upon?
Because we live in a society in loss of bearings (social and health crisis, decline of religion…) We are looking for values and we think that order will provide us with a form of balance and perfection in a society where reigns uncertainty.
Is the “perfect” and perennial order really achievable?
Of course not! Note that the obsession with order and the obsessive fear of disorder can create real suffering. When it gets out of control, it is even called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). In reality, the main thing is not to keep the subsistence minimum or to have an empty house, but rather to change the way of owning what we have. Possession is not an evil in itself. You just have to manage to keep what is really useful and there are tricks for that.
When should you consult?
When this disorganization causes suffering for oneself and for others.
This sometimes involves a form of self-sabotage with serious consequences. For example, someone who misses a job interview because they can’t find their tie.
In this case, it becomes important to take charge.
1. It is a behavioral disorder combining a tendency to hoard objects, neglect of personal and domestic hygiene and, most often, pronounced social isolation without the slightest need to complain about this situation.