2023-10-21 04:00:00
Bereaved fathers after the suicide of their partner who was experiencing postpartum depression say they were “saved” by their baby, but still feel anger and incomprehension years later.
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“The baby saved me, because you have to take it one hour at a time,” confides *Martin, the father of a 5-year-old girl, whose ex-partner killed herself 12 days after giving birth , in 2017. I had a reason to hang on.”
“The first three years were very, very difficult. At first, it’s in survival mode. We don’t have time to think about anything,” adds Matthew Lalonde-Therrien, whose partner Julie Rioux committed suicide in 2016.
Suicide is already a sensitive and taboo subject in society, the context of postpartum depression adds an additional layer of sensitivity. Years after the death of their partner, these fathers still admit to feeling frustration.
“How dare she do that?”
“I know she was sick, but I’m still angry with her,” admits Martin, 39, who lives in Montreal. I don’t have the impression that this feeling will go away. How could she dare do this to her own daughter that she wanted?”
In both cases, the mothers had sought psychiatric help for postpartum depression. Living in Gaspésie, Julie Rioux was even hospitalized for a month two hours from her home, in Rimouski.
“She didn’t feel followed or helped at all,” recalls Mr. Lalonde-Therrien. She told the psychiatrist what he wanted to hear to get out of there.”
Struggling with severe sleep problems and major depression, the 34-year-old woman finally took her own life in September 2016, when her son was eight months old. She was scheduled to see her psychiatrist again three weeks later.
“Lastly, she was mean to the child. When he cried, she denigrated him,” recalls the father, who still feels anger and incomprehension, seven years later.
Indeed, severe cases of postpartum depression can lead to attachment difficulties with the child and rejection.
“It’s extreme suffering,” explains Valérie Samson, nursing consultant in maternal-fetal medicine at Sainte-Justine hospital. The mother may doubt her parenting skills and does not feel up to the task.”
One thing is certain, these men consider that mental health services have not been sufficient.
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“Take a little nap”
“The week before, we were running all over the hospitals,” says Martin, whose daughter has just started kindergarten.
Since the 32-year-old mother had just given birth in 2017, the hospital refused to hospitalize the mother with her baby.
“They told him: ‘Go home, take a little nap and it will go away.’ I feel like they trivialized the symptoms. Every time she was told no, she got a little worse,” he adds.
Finally hospitalized in a psychiatric ward at Sainte-Justine hospital, the woman ended her life after running out of her room.
“There are services for almost everything in medicine, but in postpartum, there is almost nothing. It’s the desert,” concludes Martin.
Even today, the latter does not even dare to talk about the circumstances of the death.
“It changes people’s attitudes,” says the man who started his life over with a new woman.
*He wishes to remain anonymous to protect his daughter
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