The pursuit of self-improvement, often marketed as “self-care,” can become a second job, consuming time, money, and mental energy, according to Marina Khoury, a professor and writer who detailed her experiences in a recent online post. Khoury’s observations resonate with a growing critique of the wellness industry and the often unrealistic expectations placed on women regarding personal upkeep.
Khoury’s initial foray into these rituals began with an attempt to cultivate a “better” version of herself – one characterized by manicured nails, daily moisturizing, early mornings, and a diet focused on fresh vegetables. She purchased glass containers and tasked her husband with acquiring an assortment of bell peppers, only to find the produce decaying while her guilt grew. This experience prompted a reevaluation of the sheer volume of expectations marketed to women as self-care.
“I burn my reservoir of discipline honoring my writing commitments, showing up prepared for my class, hobbying (!!), and giving my children my undivided attention,” Khoury wrote. “By the time, I round the corner to society’s expectations of my personal upkeep, I’m spent.”
Her post meticulously dissects a range of commonly promoted self-care practices, questioning their practicality and value. She challenges the notion of elaborate morning routines, suggesting that the hours between 5 and 9 a.m. Are best utilized for sleep, family time, and preparing for the day. The expense and inconvenience of salon blowouts are weighed against the benefits of a quick home blow-dry and a tennis session. She dismisses the appeal of lash extensions as bordering on insanity and finds self-tanning instructions overly complicated. Even seemingly healthy choices, like acai bowls, are scrutinized for their cost.
Khoury’s critique extends to the financial and temporal burdens of maintaining a polished appearance. She questions the necessity of frequent manicures, highlighting the maintenance required to address chips and the time commitment involved. She also points out the double standard in event attire, noting that men can re-wear suits for years while women face pressure to avoid repeating outfits, as if each appearance renders the garment “done.” She recounted wearing the same dress to multiple high-profile events, including a keynote address and a TED Talk, without anyone noticing.
The core of Khoury’s argument centers on the idea that these maintenance rituals often become obligations, diverting time and resources from activities that genuinely contribute to well-being. She advocates for prioritizing hobbies as a more authentic form of self-care, noting that the time reclaimed from rejecting these rituals can be reinvested in pursuits that bring joy and fulfillment.
Khoury’s post sparked a conversation, inviting readers to share their own “excused expectations.” She also shared her current reading list, recommending “The Hierarchy” series by Lukas Schenk, praising the books for their engaging narratives and lack of stereotypical female characters. She also highlighted a Substack post by Leyla Kazim, “I did no work for a year and no one noticed,” which resonated with her observations about the pressures of modern work culture. She also promoted her own curated “Workhorses Only” closet, emphasizing the efficiency and confidence that come with a streamlined wardrobe.
Khoury concluded by acknowledging that some individuals may genuinely enjoy these practices, but urged readers to critically examine the obligations that detract from their well-being. She encouraged readers to embrace their authentic selves, “messy nails and all.”
