There are many people who abandon themselves, putting aside their emotional needs and even their values. What if you too are neglecting yourself in some way? We give you a series of guidelines.
There are two forms of suffering that no human being should experience. The first is abandonment in any of its forms, be it parental, partner, friendship, etc. The second has to do with disconnecting with ourselves, with neglecting needs, emotions, values, and identities. Curiously, this dimension that is most difficult for us to recognize.
Although “self-abandonment” as such seems like a strange concept to us, it appears all too often. It is true that we are always with ourselves, that no one can escape from their own skin. However, it is common to leave ourselves aside to the point of placing dimensions in the hands of others that we should nurture ourselves.
This characteristic, this laziness when it comes to reviewing, strengthening, and promoting values such as self-concept, self-confidence, or values, usually begins in childhood or adolescence. Having grown up in a dysfunctional and emotionally cold environment often makes us detached from ourselves. Something like this has a serious impact on mental health.
Let’s check if we are also leaving ourselves aside in some aspect.
The belief that our needs cannot be met is a very frequent dynamic in the psychological register of many people.
This is how we give way to self-abandonment
Gabriel always blames his partner for neglecting him and because of him he can’t perform well at work. Ana takes care of her mother all day, dependent on her, but every time her friend Clara calls her because she is having a bad day, she goes immediately no matter how exhausted she is. Roberto vents by partying and drinking alcohol whenever he feels anxious or stressed.
These examples are samples of how people leave ourselves aside, like someone who forgets their glasses in a drawer on the bedside table. We try to move around the world, but our severe myopia does not allow us to see ourselves in the mirror or walk down the street without bumping into each other. Self-abandonment is completely dismissing or ignoring internal psychological experiences.
Something like this can cause situations as diverse and contrasting as subordinating others to validate our self-esteem, or becoming complacent figures without any authority. Ignoring what we need leads us to the dissolution of the self, to that corrosive malaise that permeates every area of our existence.
Let’s see those dynamics that usually manifest when we are dominated by internal detachment.
Self-abandonment is a mechanism of slow self-destruction that can lead us to states of great helplessness, such as depression, anxiety disorders, eating disorders or addictions.
1. You blame others for your unhappiness
It is possible that you had a difficult childhood and that you were not lucky in love. However, the ultimate responsibility for promoting your well-being and happiness lies with yourself. As the psychotherapist Abert Ellis said, the best stage of our lives comes when we realize that our problems are only ours.
Stop blaming our parents or society will allow us to take control of our lives.
2. Not thinking about what hurts and distracting yourself are two constant needs in you
After a stressful day, we all like to disconnect by watching series or meeting a friend for a drink. However, there are those who persistently go to any distractor that prevents them from becoming aware of their sadness, their disaffection and their emotional pain.
This can cause one to turn to food as a cathartic mechanism to relieve anxiety. Shopping, spending the day playing video games, or excessive drinking are also examples of self-abandonment.
3. Being unable to set limits
Limits are psychological barriers that we articulate before others to safeguard our well-being, and to provide necessary information to those around us. Carrying it out requires open and assertive communication; something that, as we well know, is not always easy to carry out.
Now, those who are defined by that carelessness or detachment towards themselves feel unable to say “no” to any demand or request. They let themselves go, they agree to everything, they assume everything, accept it and move with the current by mere inertia. All this is explained by this inability to safeguard their own needs.
4. Lack of emotional self-awareness
In a research paper from the University of North Carolina highlights the importance of self-awareness for psychological well-being. That is, being able to connect and understand our thoughts and emotions allows us to have greater control over our lives. Also be happier in any area of life.
Now, self-abandonment makes us stop taking responsibility for our emotions and feelings. We hope that others are the ones who calm us down when the world is agitated, that our partner is responsible for validating what we feel, for filling those gaps that we ourselves cannot nurture.
If you abandon yourself, you will live in a prison of suffering in which you will assume other people’s values and repress many of your emotions and feelings.
5. You live in constant avoidance
Living in avoidance is denying the problems that plague you and undermine your internal balance. Constantly making use of the most varied escape mechanisms causes you to live in procrastination, not to admit what disturbs you and to be trapped in immobility. That kind of existence, far from solving something, causes you to always feel frustrated.
6. Excessive self-demand
When self-abandonment permeates deep within your psychological layers, it makes you become your own worst enemy. You don’t value yourself, you don’t appreciate your achievements and the critical voice inside you reaches deafening decibels.
In addition, a reality that defines you is that self-demand that prevents you from making any mistakes, that puts pressure on you and subjects you to insufferable states of anxiety.
7. You hide parts of yourself
Insecurity, fears, lack of initiative… You are a person of great worth and notable skills, but you doubt yourself so much that you prefer to hide your luminous areas. You do it out of fear of other people’s criticism, judgments and comments they may make about you.
Your rule of survival reminds you that to avoid being hurt, it is always better to hide certain areas.
8. You are a prisoner of your doubts
People defined by self-abandonment are dominated by ruminating thoughts, those that oxidize all worth and feed you with doubts. This causes you to stop trusting your intuition, your acquired experience and even your instincts. You perceive yourself as fallible, although in the face of others you appear to be decisive.
9. You act in dissonance with your values
Not living in harmony according to one’s values hurts. It does so because, almost without realizing it, you act and move according to the values of your family or partner, which may be very far from yours. It is others who guide you and condition you in almost any aspect. This leads to a lifestyle marked by dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
Conclution
Self-care is the opposite of self-abandonment. This is the magic word that you should keep in mind in case you feel identified with the dimensions described here. It is time to look inside and order that chaotic and lonely universe that you put aside many years ago, for the most diverse reasons.
It is always a good time to develop adequate emotional management skills, personal responsibility and assertiveness. Start by looking in the mirror and connecting with that figure you’ve put aside for too long. That person needs affection, validation and compassion. The moment you feel like your best ally, everything will change for the better.
The Mind is Wonderful.-