2024-02-16 14:25:01
Do you also want to be “open”? Well done. Now all you have to do is find the (second) perfect match. Our journalist, doctor of relations, gives you his tips.
Are you also sweating so much at the idea of being dumped before Valentine’s Day that you are working on a romantic “second option” to hatch? Gaffe all the same: if even Zendaya gets hurt there, it’s good that it burns. In the awaited Challengers de Luca Guadagnino (Call me by your name, Bones & All) scheduled for next April, the millennial favorite will portray a tennis prodigy who ventures towards the sulfurous shores of a love triangle. So this is it. At the start, this tasty trio gropes, has fun – even marvels. And then, woefully, the troubles burst through the chimney, XXL format. The idol ofEuphoria (opposite) would she have bet on the wrong horses? Did she recklessly slip into an inextricable situation? Because yes, let us foreshadow the bumpy journey of our contemporary Icarus, by wanting to rush hastily towards the New World of poly-relationship, we risk piling up blunders. And leave your feathers there. Far from belonging only to the realm of fiction, this danger of a new genre stands as a shadowy horizon for young generations, eager to reshape the contours of “making a couple”. With, on the lips, the same refrain which braids the laurels of so-called “free” love. By abuse of language?
SPLENDORS AND MISERIES OF “SITUATIONSHIP”
Of course, we must appreciate the journey we have taken. Where, just yesterday, it was self-evident that any “third party” temptation had to be sacrificed on the altar of marital fulfillment, a taboo has arisen: the idea that one can both love (intensely, with benevolence) one person and sleeping with another has its way. To the point of bringing to the surface a boom of explosive idylls, which swap the cardinal value of respect for monogamy, long (im)posed as the standard for measuring the solidity of a couple, for “open” counter-models . Which are now being concocted in the situationship laboratories; the expression in the running to be elected “word of the year” 2023 from the so serious Oxford University Press, which designates a connection without a label. Neither in a serious relationship, nor fickle fuck friends. An artistic blur leaving the door open to a slew of experiments. Great – but from there to talking about “free” love?
Contrary to what the term suggests, we do not enter into situationship as in the unbridled open bar of dating – unless we want to risk disaster. To establish good understanding, the price of this formula emancipated from old school conventions is paid by respecting certain conventions. Eh yes. Are we allowed to sleep with two best friends (eh, Zendaya)? Can we see last night’s one shot again? Does it matter if you fall in love with a “side partner”? So that new gen romance does not end up in a Far West where lawless lovers engage in indelicate acts, there is an urgent need to set benchmarks, renegotiable as necessary according to aspirations and fears. In short, new game, new rules – and be careful not to impose them on those who refuse to be part of the game.
Because on closer inspection, the expression “free” love insidiously suggests that exclusive relationships would be “hindered”. Or even retrograde. A friend admits to being uncomfortable at the idea of his partner going “to look elsewhere”, and the confidence is received with mockery – we exhale, how “corny”. Red alert: as the poly-relationship becomes more democratic, a curious reversal of tide is taking place. Those who position themselves as avant-garde, by dynamiting the codes of the “old-fashioned” couple, sometimes give birth to a new injunction: to be truly deconstructed, we would have to turn our back on monogamy. Under penalty, it is suggested, of repeating archaic relational patterns like a docile cattle animal. Even fatally toxic. “What, in 2024, you don’t have the open-mindedness to be non-exclusive? “. Kind regards to those who live well in their “closed” relationships, thank you for them.
Let the proud promoters of modern love remember: chase standards out the door, they will come back through your windows. And then, after all, these cantors should be too busy solving the selective equation of their connection n°2,3,4 – 6, let’s be greedy – to squander energy in outbursts of intolerance. Quite a headache, I must admit. Let’s go back to the basics: these additional partners must be compatible with the schedule, obviously. Rather of obedience to “market deregulation” in terms of possessiveness, too, just to avoid the hassle of jealousy squarely. And then if they have their own apartment, we say “banco”. Because in the event of a further breakup with the main partner with whom you were living, there is the promise of a concrete strategic withdrawal. In matters of romance as in everything, choose rational, choose smart.
Par Antonin Gratien
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