Sleeping Separately: A New Trend for Healthier Relationships & Better Rest

2023-12-20 03:01:00
Sleeping in separate beds, a new trend that can benefit couples’ health and relationship. (Shutterstock)

Contrary to traditional belief, sleeping in separate beds can be beneficial for the couple’s relationship and individual health. This approach, supported by sleep researchers and clinical psychologists, moves away from the ancient marital precept that associated sleeping apart with the end of romance. Wendy Troxel, clinical psychologist and sleep scientist at Rand, says sleep is “essential for a healthy body, mind, and relationship” and stresses the importance of prioritizing it.

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The link between quality rest and marital well-being lies in the fact that restful sleep helps avoid physical and mental health problems such as diabetes, hypertension and depression; At the same time, it improves communication and conflict resolution in the couple due to a lower level of irritability.

Therapists warn, however, about the need to maintain emotional and physical intimacy when making the decision to sleep apart, since sharing a bed offers benefits such as emotional closeness, conversation, and sexual activity.

Restful sleep has a direct positive impact on marital well-being and mental and physical health. (Getty Images)

Sari Cooper, a certified sexual and couples therapist in New York, explained in an interview with The Wall Street Journal that rest is also key to a full sexual life, highlighting that one of the main reasons why couples stop having sexual relations is extreme exhaustion: “That’s why couples say that one of their most satisfying sexual experiences is when they go on vacation. “They have time to rest.”

The dynamics of shared sleep in couples face new approaches. Specialists emphasize the importance of consensus and communication to choose to sleep in separate beds, emphasizing that both parties must agree for the arrangement to work.

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The optimal time to broach the topic is when both are rested and out of the bedroom, primarily to avoid negative associations. The conversation should be clear and assertive, moving away from blame and using inclusive language that encourages dialogue. Relationship expert Wendy Troxel suggests keeping the discussion focused on solutions: “Stay focused on how you can be a better partner if your sleep improves,” highlighting the importance of sleep quality and relationship health.

It is important to preserve emotional and sexual intimacy despite the decision to sleep in separate beds. (Christin Klose/dpa)

Implementing partial separation of beds is an alternative that professionals advise, such as in cases of insomnia, and can be particularly useful when one of the members is open to change and the other is not. Additionally, they suggest planning regular intimacy dates to compensate for the possible decrease in spontaneous physical contact.

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According to Cooper, you have to “be intentional about creating the seduction, flirtation and planning to make it happen,” highlighting the importance of integrating emotional intimacy into the relationship for success.

Lastly, experts recommend anticipation to keep the spark in the relationship, such as sending a flirtatious message or leaving a note on your partner’s bed, remembering that intimacy doesn’t have to be limited to sexual matters. These considerations can be essential for those seeking to balance their love life and personal well-being without affecting the strength of their emotional bond.

Sleeping separately after sharing intimate moments can lead to more fulfilling and restful relationships. (Archive)

Although the benefits of sleeping in separate beds are already clear, it does not mean that you will never share the same space with your partner again. Specialists advise everyone to sleep in their own bed after sharing intimate and close moments each night. This approach, supported by Zlatan Krizan, a sleep scientist and professor of psychology at Iowa State University, suggests that couples can “aspire for the best of both worlds: time awake in bed together and good sleep.”

Mark and Paula White are a married couple of 33 years who have adopted this practice and say that sex is now more pleasurable because they are not exhausted. The couple maintains a sleeping ritual: praying together before separating to rest in their individual rooms, a custom that allows them to enjoy moments of closeness, such as watching a movie in bed or planning date nights to be intimate, without sacrificing time. personal rest. According to Mark, 61 years old, they now value these meetings more because they know they will be quality time.

The strategy proposed by the expert Krizan is aligned with research that shows the importance of adequate sleep for health and relationships. Getting a good night’s sleep can improve coexistence and the quality of sexual interactions, which has led some couples like the Whites to adapt their nighttime routines in search of greater well-being.

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