2023-08-25 02:00:00
A few days before the start of the school year, the question of the smartphone may have come up in the discussion with your teenager. From the first telephone to expanded access to applications, this digital universe can represent a source of tension between parents and children. So how do you find the balance between parental control and young person’s privacy?
Xavier has just offered a mobile phone to his daughter Alice
12 ans. “With her mother, we made this decision because she is going to enter secondary school. She is likely to take the bus alone, so it is a security. And then, most of her friends already have a smartphone, it is a way of communicating with each other. It’s growing, it’s a new stage.”
Alice discovered the joys of the smartphone during the summer holidays, without too many limits, recognizes her dad. “She received her cell phone at the end of June, after having her CEB. I haven’t really set any screen time limits yet. It was new, she was on leave, I didn’t want to put pressure on her. But now that school is starting again, I’m going to have to look into it.” For two months, Xavier still keeps an eye on the applications that his daughter installs. “To do this, I use the ‘Family link’ app. As soon as she wants to download an app, I have to give my consent beforehand.”
Has he ever refused certain facilities? “Yes, in general, I find out a little, if only by reading the comments of other users. If I see that it’s an app that contains lots of ads, which can steal certain personal information, I refuse , and I explain this decision to my daughter. For TikTok for example, it’s no, because I consider that the content is not appropriate for her age.” The Namurois, however, does not have the feeling of watching his young teenager. “In terms of privacy, I limit myself to accepting or not the installation of an application. I discuss it with her. For social networks, for example, I can see what she posts, but that’s all !”
With parental control tools, however, monitoring can go quite far.
“In particular, we can geolocate the phone, but I do not intend to use this possibility…” Non-judgmental support […] Between control and the adolescent’s need for autonomy, what attitude should be adopted? Without giving universal advice, Laura Merla, professor of sociology at UCLouvain, believes that it is important to accompany the child in the discovery of this new tool, and in particular social networks. “What is paradoxical and complex with the smartphone is that it is both a tool for communication, play, but also for exploration and self-construction. It is an essential sphere of socialization for children. young people today. As a parent, it is a question of finding the balance between the empowerment of your child, and his role of accompaniment, of protection.
A way to succeed in this bet? “We can be in a dynamic where it is a question of making a sort of contract with the young person, in relation to what is acceptable or not in terms of control, saying that it will be something progressive before going towards more autonomy.” For the child psychologist Bruno Humbeeck, parental control in the strict sense is however illusory. “In general, from the age of 10, children are one step ahead of their parents when it comes to new technologies. Social networks themselves offer parental control tools that young people can easily hijack.”
Some apps may nevertheless be of interest, but keep in mind that teenagers are very inventive when it comes to circumventing prohibitions. “They can very well take avatars or do their explorations on a friend’s laptop.” […] The specialist believes that the best option is ultimately the accompaniment, and the availability of the parent to discuss and exchange about this content.
“The best control is non-judgmental support. If you immediately disqualify what the child is asking of you, believing that it is nonsense, he will not tell you anything! You have to ask him why and why does he care.
Supervision is less effective than your positive interest in the child.” Consistent rules However, it is not a question of accepting everything. “If you’re constantly trying to regulate, you’ll be in a permanent tussle. In reality, self-regulation works best.” Concretely, the idea is simply to establish a series of guidelines on which parents will not compromise.
s. “Let’s think of hours of sleep or school results. Parents can set a threshold below which the teenager cannot go. And if his results are not there, adults can consider that screens become a problem. , that we have to discuss it and be in the regulation, since self-regulation no longer works.” Ideally, these beacons should be put in place from the start, when the young person receives their phone. However, these must be concerted. “The idea is not to come up with a ready-made set of rules of life, simply submitted for approval, says Professor Natacha Duroisin, who heads the education and learning sciences department at UMONS. The objective is to build, together, these rules relating to the use of the telephone.
And there are no half measures, says the researcher: what applies to children does not spare parents.
“If you don’t want a phone during meals, for example, that also applies to adults. Otherwise, the rule will not be consistent. And it won’t hold!”
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