2023-06-17 09:30:40
In many societies and cultures, death is still presented as a taboo. However, the truth is that we will all have this experience, both personally and indirectly, through the death of loved ones. death anguishthere is no doubt about it, but it is even more distressing not to have certainties and that a veil extends over it that hides it.
When this happens, the fantasy can create even more fear and questions. Is it really that bad and that’s why no one wants to talk about it? Does everyone suffer when they die?
Especially in the case of childhood, it is important not to underestimate how children feel about death and to offer information adapted to their age and understanding. But we must not ignore or avoid the subject. So let’s see how to tell a child that his brother is dead.
How do children apprehend death according to age?
Children’s views on death become more complex as they get older, experts say. Although influenced by personal experiences, society and culture, knowing what is appropriate or expected at each age can serve as a tool to solve the problem:
- From 0 to 2 years old: there is no concept of death as such, but they are able to perceive an absence of 6-8 months. Around the age of 2, with the progress of socialization, language and autonomy, they begin to become more aware that “that important someone” is not there or no longer comes. The idea of loss becomes stronger.
- From 3 to 6 years : death is temporary and reversible. They believe their caregivers are not going to die. They don’t finish developing the idea, so it makes sense that they wonder if their grandfather can hear them, for example.
- From 6 to 10 years old: they can think of death in biological terms. For example, that you stop breathing. They understand its universal and irreversible character. They are already interested in the rites linked to death and farewell.
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Tips for Telling a Child Their Brother is Dead
Death is distressing. But the beliefs or fantasies that arise around her can be just as scary.. Therefore, it is best to learn about what happens to boys and girls and accompany them through this process.
Let’s see some keys to telling a child that his brother is dead.
Give space to talk about the topic
Like other questions, what is recommended is that we are the adult figures who guide, offering true and reliable information. In this way, depending on who is asking, it also allows us to regulate the information.
Moreover, if it concerns the death of a brother, hiding it is not an option. Nor is it suggested to ignore the topic or not give it the prominence it deserves. Talking about it and grieving is part of managing emotions in children.
For example, if a little one asks us why his little brother is in the hospital and hasn’t come back, the logic is to give true information, adapted to his age and his understanding. You should avoid saying “keep playing, don’t worry” or pretend nothing.
Respond to your concerns
When we tell a child about his brother’s death, we must listen carefully and actively things that may interest him. For example, maybe your interest is in knowing if your brother has suffered or if death hurts. Or, if your brother is gone forever because he argued a lot or hid his toys.
In other words, depending on their age, their concerns will be much more concrete and less symbolic. Under the gaze of an adult, it can sometimes seem that with certain questions he does not take the subject seriously.
However, this is not the case, but corresponds to the senses and constructs that are part of their own world. More than judging the role should be to keep calm and mitigate guilt if there is any.
Explain death with the situations and experiences that are available to them
Depending on age, one way to tell a child that his sibling is dead is to make the idea close and accessible to past experiences. We can take the following example: Do you remember when your pet died? How did you feel? It was ugly and you were sad, but there are days when you remember how you played with her and it makes you happy and sometimes you feel bad, but you have it in your heart, and it makes her very close to you”.
Thus, not only do we present the absence implied by death, but we also show that emotions can change. At the same time, we give some peace of mind, knowing that the person will always be with us in our hearts and memories.
Other tips for talking to children about death
In addition to having to tell a child that his brother is dead, death may come up as a topic of interest at another time. Some additional recommendations are:
- When talking about death with children, it is also important for adults to review our own ideas and feelings about it.
- We can start by asking children what they think and what they know about death. This will give us the model of what they heard and also the associated fears. These “myths” serve as a gateway to talk about the subject and offer correct information.
- Under no circumstances should we lie. Let’s avoid ideas like this “he has gone on a journey, he is in the afterlife”. This could lead to negative sentiment about travel. It is difficult for them to understand the metaphor of the afterlife and we create even more confusion. Keep in mind that at certain ages, children literally interpret information
- Avoid extremes. When talking about death with children, there are answers that, although true, are difficult to assimilate due to age. It is more practical to offer shades that serve as a space of tranquility. For example : “it is true that at some point we will die, but it is also true that you will always have someone to take care of you and love you”.
- In the case of children, it is important to specify that the death is not reversible and that it is not temporary. Alternatively, they may interpret that if they start behaving better, their brother will want to come home. Or that maybe his brother will come back for the next birthday.
Children have their own theory about death
Although we were never asked, death exists in the world of children. We can verify this through their games, when they represent that they die or that they kill.
In other words, don’t be terrified of children asking or talking about death, since it is a natural and universal fact. What makes the difference in their adaptation is the closeness and the company that we can offer during the duel, which will not only come from parents, but also from educational institutions, as some experts point out.
The same logic operates with children as in the adult world: it is one thing to tell a child that his brother is dead and it is quite another to be able to understand him in practice. No matter how much we offer certain information, children need to understand reality and this is emotionally charged.
The process has its own time.
We must also accept that children can step back from achievements. They will have to sleep with the light on, they will ask to lie down with their caregivers. The main thing will be to be there so as not to leave them alone.
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