In my life I was very negative
bluntly admits Antony Cloutier. I had no goals, I lived day to day. I was very withdrawn.
Although he admitted to needing support to overcome his demons, Antony was not ready to seek professional help.
He joined a self-help group called Dark Horsewhich exists under the big top of the ManKind Projecta global nonprofit whose goal is to help men become better versions of themselves.
There was a question of money, but also, this idea that a professional who was helping me meant that I had a problem.
« I told myself that I had to change. Something had to change in me. »
Men hug during a support meeting.
Photo : Radio-Canada / Simon Gohier
The internal stigma suffered by many people, especially men, is tenacious, notes Dr. John Ogrodniczuk, director of the psychotherapy program at the University of British Columbia (UBC).
We seem to place different demands on ourselves than we place on others. So while we can show compassion and empathy for another person in trouble, we don’t seem to share that attitude with ourselves.
This double standard is not lost on Joe Rachert, who has worked for a long time in the field of mental health, but who has let these things happen to him.
« I knew all the signals, I knew all the signs, and yet I ignored every one of them until it was too late. »
The emotion is such that Joe has to take a break and catch his breath. It hit hard and deeply. I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
This is where the shoe pinches, according to Dr. Ogrodniczuk. This often masculine tendency seems to be reinforced by social constructs wanting to attribute self-sufficiency as being intrinsically linked to the masculine condition.
Having some degree of autonomy is actually a healthy thing for all of us, but taken to extremes, when we deprive ourselves of the ability to get help if and when we need it, we we are actually at greater risk of long-term suffering.
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says the professor. She revealed that extreme self-sufficiency was actually the best predictor of suicide propensity in men.
If the clinical route is not a viable option for everyone, more and more men are turning to alternatives, such as self-help groups.
Photo : Radio-Canada / Simon Gohier
Alternatives to traditional methods
When he finds that the offer of specific mental health services for men is insufficient, Dr. Ogrodniczuk is among those who take action.
He founded HeadsUpGuysa non-profit organization that helps educate the public about mental health and helps people understand how to access services.
If the clinical route is not a viable option for everyone, more and more men are turning to alternatives, such as self-help groups. This is the case of Anthony.
During these meetings, the floor is given to anyone who wants to express themselves, in the context of a protected space where several men finally find the words to shed the weight they have been carrying for years, in some cases.
If I had a message to send to myself, in my past, it is that life is beautiful, and that I must do everything I can to see this beauty. The main obstacle is me.
Joe adds his voice to Antony’s to encourage people to reach out. Stop being so hard on yourself! Love yourself, and go get help. Do it!