Dubai, United Arab Emirates (CNN) — After Shirley Oldall, a mother of a 3-year-old boy, put her son to bed, he told her, “I’m sad because I want to play, I don’t want to sleep.” Oldall, who lives in West Yorkshire, UK, has been teaching her son how to express his feelings since he was 30 months old.
“I feel proud when I hear him express his feelings, because I was not encouraged to express my feelings of challenges or what is known as difficult feelings like anger,” she said.
To train her child in feelings, she read him a number of books with pictures of facial expressions that show how children feel and why they should express themselves in this way.
This skill Oldall teaches her son is called emotional literacy, which caregivers and parents actively teach their children.
Emotions affect many aspects of the human experience, such as the quality of relationships with friends and family, said Mark Brackett, director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor at the Yale Center for Child Studies.
He explained, “We all need vocabulary to describe our innermost experiences and feelings. Without it, we won’t be able to communicate effectively, meet our needs, and get the support we need to succeed.”
“When children misbehave or are out of control, it indicates that they are causing harm and need our help, but they don’t have the tools or strategies to get the help they want,” said Dr. Nerissa Power, a pediatric behaviorist in Indianapolis.
Emotional growth during a pandemic
Children’s emotional development and psychological well-being need extra attention during the coronavirus pandemic, according to Tasmin Grimer, a counselor for early years behavior and affiliated with the UK charity Early Education, which focuses on developing early childhood education.
She explained that children may feel uncertain or insecure, or they may notice these emotions in family members.
Grimer added that when younger people learn to adapt emotional culture, they become more resilient, and can better adapt to life’s difficulties.
During the coronavirus pandemic, teacher Lisa Agyabong has worked with children to help them understand how to calm themselves, and she is the Early Years Director at Early Years Alliance, a UK charity.
Glitter jar to represent feelings
One of the activities I taught the children was to make a sparkly jar. She said the glimmering motion of children shaking the jar represented their out-of-control feelings. She explained that when the sparkle settled, the children’s feelings calmed down.
“Being together during the time it takes for the jug to settle gives the child a chance to calm down as well, without realizing that he is doing it,” Agyabong explained.
Teaching children emotional culture has grown in popularity over the past 10 years, with studies showing the resulting benefits, according to Brackett, author of Permission to Feel: Unleashing the Power of Emotions to Help Our Children, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive.
“Children with advanced emotional skills tend to have greater psychological comfort, excellent human relationships, and better academic performance,” he said.
Brackett noted that anxiety and depression are very common among younger age groups, so now, more than ever, it is important to teach them how to deal with their emotions in a healthy way.
Emotional Education Scheme
Bauer said that parents and caregivers should start helping children identify their feelings directly, as it is difficult for children to make connections between events after the fact.
This does not only apply to children’s anger or grief. “If your child is laughing and smiling, you can say, ‘What a beautiful smile! You are so happy,'” Bauer explained.
Brackett noted that children are close observers, so parents and caregivers need to practice and demonstrate an emotional culture as well.
Bauer pointed out that during the day, talk to your child about emotions, as this contributes to developing the belief that talking about feelings is normal, and encourages them to share their emotions.
She added that if you watch a TV show together, or read a book, discuss the feelings of the different characters with your children.
Brackett explained that once children are able to identify their feelings, they can begin to learn how to deal with them in a healthy way.
Bauer recommends that parents teach their children self-soothing techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or playing outside.