2023-11-07 19:45:00
Next to 15% of pregnancies unfortunately end in a spontaneous miscarriage (source 1), i.e. an involuntary and spontaneous termination of pregnancy that occurs in the first five months and generally manifests itself as vaginal bleeding, accompanied by pain in the lower part of the abdomen.
This experience may prove more or less traumatic for couples not all of whom plan to immediately resume sexual intercourse. But as the mourning progresses, the question of sexuality resurfaces. When can you have sex again after a miscarriage? Is it possible to get pregnant again quickly ? Should we take certain precautions? We take stock with Virginie Turi, psychologist-sexologist and general secretary of the National Union of Clinical Sexologists (SNSC).
Distinguish between early miscarriage and late miscarriage
As the expert points out, it is important to distinguish between early miscarriageswhich occurs before the 14th week of amenorrhea and late miscarriageswhich occurs between the 14th and 22nd week of amenorrhea.
“Some women sometimes have a miscarriage one or two months into pregnancy and barely realize it,” says Virginie Turi. “These miscarriages are generally better experienced to the extent that the women – and their partners – do not have to had the time and opportunity to invest in the unborn child. Conversely, late miscarriages which occur in the second trimester of pregnancy are generally less well experienced, because the pregnancy is more advanced: the belly has rounded a little, we were able to see the baby on the ultrasound, we informed the family, friends, we bought a bed, clothes , etc.”
As you will have understood, the more advanced the pregnancy, the longer the mourning and emotional healing generally takes.
When can you resume intercourse after a miscarriage?
There is no no right or wrong way to react after a miscarriage… From a medical point of view, it is possible to have sexual intercourse as soon as the bleeding has stoppedgenerally within ten days following the miscarriage and possible curettage.
“This is not an absolute rule, but it is an important indication for sexual relations to resume as calmly as possible,” notes the expert. And to insist: “It is essential to communicate and respect more than ever the consent of your partner“.
Leave room for grieving and healing
As the psycho-sexologist summarizes, sexuality after a miscarriage is an individual female and marital question. “Miscarriage is still too often trivialized and brushed aside as a simple medical statistic, regrets Virginie Turi. However, it can be very difficult to experience and traumatize some women or their partners. A time of mourning is often necessaryeven if everything depends on the way in which the unborn child was invested by the woman and the history of the couple (Is this their first baby? Was it conceived by PMA? The woman -she already has repeated miscarriages, etc.).”
Some couples are hooked up and want to resume sexual relations quickly to reconnect, have fun together or try again to have a child. Others prefer to take their time digest this traumatic event together. And even more move away because they don’t feel the same wayor do not communicate enough and each suffer in silence, which can delay the resumption of sexuality.
Good to know: according to our expert’s experience, patients still have difficulty coming to see a doctor after their miscarriage. “Most often, women do not come to see us spontaneously to talk specifically about their miscarriage. They generally come later, for example for hidden depression, maternal burnout, reduced libido, etc. And in the anamnesis, we often realize thatthey experienced unresolved grief following a miscarriage.”
Sexuality: what precautions should be taken after a miscarriage?
After a miscarriage, it is essential to allow emotions to be expressed. As noted above, each person reacts to this loss differently and it is important to take time to grieve and heal emotionally. Some people need of a few weeks, or even several months, before feeling ready to explore their physical intimacy again. Don’t rush, listen your body and your emotions, like sex after childbirth!
It’s also important to let your body heal after a miscarriage. Doctors generally recommend waiting at least the end of bleeding, or even a complete menstrual cycle before resuming sexual intercourse. “Rest assured, the cervix does not remain open after miscarriage and with good care, the risk infection is limited“, assures Virginie Turi.
Finally, if you do not want to start a new pregnancy immediately after the miscarriage, choose an effective method of contraception (condom, contraceptive pill, contraceptive patches, etc.). Do not hesitate to ask for help from health professionals to help you get through this period as a team!
Show patience and gentleness
At the risk of repeating ourselves, resuming physical intimacy does not happen in the blink of an eye. Take the time to rediscover your connection with your partner in a gentle and loving way. It is possible to resume sexuality with or without vaginal or anal penetration. All sexual positions and all sexual practices are possible, as long as they suit both partners.
“I think that the partner has a very important role to play in reassuring the woman who has just experienced a miscarriage and helping her to reclaim her body,” indicates the psycho-sexologist. This involves, for example, through massages(erotic or not), caresses or kisses which allow us to rediscover erotic sensations, sensations of presence, tenderness, love… This is very important because the women concerned often have the feeling of having failed and generally experience great guilt“, underlines Virginie Turi.
To continue as a team, discuss your feelings, fears, needs and expectations. Show transparency and understanding to better support each other.
Pregnancy: can you get pregnant again after a miscarriage?
A spontaneous and isolated miscarriage does not affect fertility in any way ! The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends waiting at least 6 months after a miscarriage to try to get pregnant again. But since 2014, the National College of French Gynecologists and Obstetricians (CNGOF) believes that women who wish can try to become pregnant. within three months of a first early miscarriage.
If the miscarriage is late, you will certainly have to wait a little longer until the level of pregnancy hormones beta-HCG decreases and ovulation begins. In the event of repeated miscarriages, however, doctors recommend waiting for the conclusions of etiological research and the implementation of appropriate treatment for limit the risk of recurrence.
“Whatever the case, it is completely normal for a couple not to want to start a pregnancy again after a miscarriage, or, on the contrary, for them to want to welcome another child on As fast as possible. It depends on the psychological structures, experiences and wishes of each couple.insists Virginie Turi.”
Return of diapers: when do periods return?
Do you want to relaunch your child project as quickly as possible? It is generally advisable to wait until the diapers return, in other words, first period after miscarriage, which occur more or less early depending on the woman (generally four to six weeks after the miscarriage). However, almost 10% of women ovulate before returning from childbirth. In other words, it is possible to get pregnant again before seeing your period reappear!
Fertility: why are we more fertile after a miscarriage?
No study has really demonstrated an increase in fertility after a miscarriage… Rather, it is from a very common preconceived idea : the chances of conceiving are approximately the same before and after a miscarriage. In reality, female fertility can be influenced by many factors (age, frequency of intercourse, possible pathologies, condition of the tubes, etc.) and every woman is unique !
What are the risks of having another miscarriage?
Miscarriages are most often isolated and are generally accidental. According to the study conducted by The Lancet in April 2021 (source 1), 15% of pregnancies end in miscarriage and only 1.9% of pregnant women have two miscarriages and 0.7% three or more miscarriages.
Among the factors that increase the risk of recurrent miscarriages:
- and advanced age ;
- a low ovarian reserve ;
- of the history of miscarriage ;
- the taking certain medications ;
- of the genetic abnormalities in women;
- some endocrine diseases (diabetes, thyroid disorder, etc.);
- of the clotting disorderssuch as antiphospholipid syndrome;
- of the uterine abnormalities (submucosal fibroma, uterine septum, uterine scar or Asherman syndrome, etc.);
- exposure to certain toxic substancessuch as tobacco, alcohol, drugs or chemicals;
- etc.
If you are faced with repeated miscarriages, do not hesitate to seek medical and psychological support: fertility specialists, genetic counselors, psychologists, sexologists or even general practitioners can play a vital role in diagnosing underlying causes and developing a personalized treatment plan.
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