“I have a migraine”, yes, men are also lacking in desire
2023-12-12 19:30:00
No, women do not have a monopoly on “migraine”. More and more men are reporting their lack of desire. They are not interested in making love. “It is natural for a person’s sexual desire, whether female or male, to fluctuate over the course of their life and/or in response to certain life events, such as pregnancy, changes in a romantic relationship, significant transitions in the life, tempers Dr. Burté, specialist in sexual health. What can raise questions, however, is a constantly low or absent sexual desire without an identifiable cause.” Question but also call for support to the extent that the situation can be very difficult to cope with. “Patients sometimes report real personal or relational suffering; we then make the diagnosis of Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD).” A disorder already widely described in women and which is characterized by “an impairment or absence of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity causing profound distress or interpersonal difficulties.” How to interpret the emergence of this disorder?
Neither everything in the head, nor everything in the body
Where should we look for the causes? In the head? In the body? Dr. Burté refutes this dichotomy and emphasizes the multitude of factors at play in this chronic absence of desire. “The origin of a sexual disorder is never to be located between ‘it’s in the head’ or ‘it’s in the body’; the disorders are always of multifactorial origin.” And to cite some factors, somatic or psychological, known to interact with sexual desire: “At the organic level, we can find a testosterone deficiency, an endocrine pathology, various health problems, fatigue, infertility, drug treatments, alcohol or drug consumption… Depression, anxiety are common causes. “other factors, psychological this time, known to cause a drop in desire.”
And then, there are also more abstract, insidious but determining factors. “When we question patients, we can discover that there is disagreement in the couple or a lack of attraction. Or that they are simply going through a bad patch: stress, burn-out, family problems, money…”
A certain number of other factors should be looked for in the couple’s sexuality: a routine that has become established, partners not communicating, a distortion between fantasies and reality, divergences in desire between partners, other disorders sexual disorders such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, sexual disorders of the partner.
At any rate, “each of these elements interacts with the others; several factors are at play in these disorders, with a variable proportion depending on the situation.”
The reaction of the “other”
If the man who manifests an absence of sexual desire can experience it badly, it goes without saying that this situation is not without disturbing the partner. “Both are generally prey to negative emotions. But the way the couple approaches the problem and copes with these emotions will have a significant impact on the partner’s sexual functioning and satisfaction. overall sexual orientation of the couple.”
Studies have thus looked at the reactions of partners to the decline in sexual desire: “They highlighted three main types of reactions: firstly there are these partners who will show themselves to be empathetic, affectionate. We can speak of ‘positive’ responses. Others, confronted with this absence of desire, will be critical, even hostile, these are so-called negative responses. Finally there are the so-called ”avoidant” responses. Classically, it is the partner who will simply avoid all sexual relations, to appear ”sympathetic” ‘”.
It is obviously the first type of response that has the most chance of “saving” the couple, by preserving a form of overall satisfaction. It then remains to try to remedy this situation (if it is a common wish). It is therefore recommended that couples experiencing decreased sexual desire consult a sexual health professional. “A medical assessment is carried out to look for a possible organic cause but also to uncover possible contributing factors to the disorder, and to propose appropriate treatments: medication, sex therapy…” An assessment which also allows partners to better understand the disorder. And to adapt to it. Waiting for the blowback.