Ana Sierra Losada, 27 years old and third-year resident of Family and Community Medicine in Zamora. She remembers that, when she was clear about her vocation, many discouraged her because of how hard it was. “She had assumed it -she admits-, but I never imagined that everything hit me so soon and at the same time”. And it is that she “was in my first year of residency when the pandemic broke out. After the initial bewilderment, it was like living through a science fiction movie. But it was reality in all its harshness”.
Today, the outlook is no better… “Our work has changed radically. We family doctors have lost presence, contact with the patient, being able to touch him, look him in the face”. In his case, “I had to learn this new form of medicine in record time, so far removed from what I had been taught and from what being a family doctor means to me.”
feeling of helplessness
For Sierra, at this time “the feeling of helplessness is almost constant. You see how everything falls apart and, despite your efforts, you get nothing… It is devastating for someone whose reason for being is to save lives and alleviate suffering.”. She herself, who has fallen several times “into the temptation of discouragement”, sees “many colleagues frustrated and unmotivated. Great professionals, with a true vocation for medicine and whom the growing pressure on care and social and political tension have made them lose focus”.
Although she clings to something that transcends her: “I have received the gift of faith and, as a believer, I give meaning to what happens around me and I have a reference, Jesus Christ, in everything I do.” “Looking at reality from the prism of faith – she adds – has made me grow in humility and understand that I am not a heroine; I cannot and do not control everything. My reason for being is not simply to save lives, but to love each one of those lives and work so that my patients live better”.
In his hand
In that goal, “that of love, there are no restrictions or bureaucratic obstacles. Giving life in every minute of consultation is always in my handwith which I can transform frustration into satisfaction for a job well done and selfish heroism into unconditional dedication to patients”.
This is how he feels he has taken advantage of the opportunity: “I have wondered a lot if I was up to the task and capable of withstanding so much suffering. I have thought that this was great for me and I have had moments of physical and mental exhaustion in which I was invaded by the sensation of carrying a very heavy backpack loaded with dramatic stories, unanswered questions and very deep wounds. But, In the intimacy of prayer, where I rest at the feet of those who suffered the most for love of humanity, I find answers and consolation.”.
get muddy
“If the pandemic has taught me anything -he claims- it is that, only by making us mud, fragile and sensitive to pain, only by allowing ourselves to be done in the hands of the Father, can we be true instruments to alleviate the suffering of the world from our work”.
“The pandemic – he concludes – already marks our history. In addition to the physical consequences, it leaves a trace of sadness, bitterness and permanent dissatisfaction. There, the believing gaze on reality challenges me and invites me to fight against this stain. I have a vocation beyond medicine and it is that of joy. It is not a ‘everything will be fine’ painted in colors, but empty of content and guarantees. What overcomes this sadness installed in the heart of society is the joy that comes from knowing that I am a daughter of the Father. From a Father who does not abandon his children, no matter what happens, and who always brings good out of every evil that plagues us”.