The triumph on election night was followed by bitter disappointment: the FPÖ formed a coalition with the ÖVP and thus betrayed the 25,629,772,071. times in their history their voters. FPÖ leader Udo Landbauer is disappointed and draws the conclusions – he never wants to vote for the FPÖ again.
ST. PÖLTEN – Farmer buries his face in both hands. The party leader seems resigned, apathetic and disillusioned. He keeps clicking the replay button on YouTube: “Mikl-Leitner has to go,” he yells into the microphone on the video. But as is so often the case, what was promised before the election day no longer counts for the FPÖ.
“I thought I was different from the other politicians. But in the end I just fooled myself again. Am I a real National Socialist at all, or just a little, power-hungry, racist sausage who will do anything to somehow get to the feeding trough?”
Landbauer frantically scrolls through his Facebook feed to delete old posts. “With us there will be no vaccination communist as governor,” he reads over a photomontage of Mikl-Leitner with scaly skin, a lizard’s tongue and blood-soaked syringes for fingers.
“We will not be enslaved by the Pfizer princess of darkness,” is emblazoned under a video in which a Mikl-Leitner Deep Fake kittens are soaked in gasoline and set on fire. Disappointed, Landbauer leaves the group “Flat-Earther against Mikl-Leitner” and cancels his participation in tomorrow’s motorcade against the state government.
Fall after fall
The toilet magnate in the Waldviertel, child fright and stool-croud Gottfried Waldhäusl is also appalled by the fall: “I was together with Udo smearing election posters from the ÖVP. Every night hamma do Mikl swastikas and Hitler mustaches do, and now this?” Shortly afterwards he received a call. If he agrees to the coalition, Waldhäusl may become Gauleiter of Gloggnitz. He wipes tears of sweat from his forehead with toilet paper and smiles sheepishly.
Tempting offer
There’s a knock on Landbauer’s office door. “Buongiorno, John Porno”, laughs Mikl-Leitner and greets him with a slap on the back that takes his breath away. “Everything fit in step? You, next, I’ve been thinking about your coalition motto. And I really like that: work makes you free, that’s something.”
She promises compensation for Corona opponents: “Anyone who has been reported because they have sent death threats to family doctors or wore a vaccination star at a demo will get the money back,” explains Mikl-Leitner. “We’ll finance that from the budget for childcare, we won’t need it after the election campaign.”
amends
The package is just too tasty: “Together we can make the seventh million,” smiles Mikl-Leitner. Farmer gets an erection. “And as a small compensation for their suffering, vaccination opponents are allowed to Aryanize the apartments of doctors and scientists – as long as my name is Johanna Kickl-Leitner,” she says, waving a name change form from the municipal office.
Landbauer smiles and stretches out his hand in a hesitant Hitler salute – somehow it doesn’t feel right today. The FPÖ’s betrayal of the FPÖ runs too deep.
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