The planned purchase of Sberbank Europe by Raiffeisen-Bank is causing a stir in the highest circles. President Vladimir Putin is now speaking a word of power. He worries about Russia’s spotless image as a reliable, transparent financial center and bans the deal with the criminal money laundering organization “Raika” by decree.
MOSCOW – Vladimir Putin’s official residence remains brightly lit until late at night. Russia’s image is at stake. Worried, Putin scrolls through the Yandex search results. He is currently researching the machinations of the Raiffeisen Bank. For each new hit he ext a pint of vodka. There are four empty bottles on the desk.
“Money laundering, dealings with the mafia and even sponsoring the ÖFB team, madness!” Horrified, he takes off his reading glasses, rubs his eyes and stares paralyzed at the Russian flag that flies in front of his window. “Have we sold our souls? Blyat, that will fix an investigative committee in the Duma. And then the negative press reports…”
Corrupt Ties
5:30 a.m., Putin won’t close an eye today. “Mr. President, this Raika is deeply networked in Lower Austria, they are very closely linked to this Sobotka and his corrupt gang, this ÖVP,” whispers an advisor while reading the current Sumsi comic entitled “Now 5% home savings premium for everyone.” Dictators: Fulfill Your Dream of Your Own Annexed Home”
Putin jumps up and opens his eyes: “Wait a minute… Sobotka? Isn’t that the guy who put that Marsalek in there for me to hide? Jan, please come to my office immediately!”
Jan Marsalek sneaks through the door in crumpled FSB pajamas and stares at the floor. Putin shakes his head: “No, no dealings with the Raika, they rip off ordinary people under the guise of a nice peasant cooperative…”
“Really awesome!”
Putin faints briefly when he sees the hilarious new ad featuring Hermann Maier and Marcel Hirscher yelling “Hecht geil!” while laughing in a Russian soldier’s uniform requesting a moratorium on their loan. He quickly closes the laptop before changing his mind.
Gas deals under criticism
The further gas deliveries to Austria are also causing criticism in Moscow. “Do we really want to help support the authoritarian Turkish system?” asks a panellist on the evening discussion show “Им центр”.
Despite the criticism, Russia has been selling more to the energy company OMV, which is loyal to the regime, since December. “With this we finance the turquoise war chest in the fight against the welfare state, and the money goes directly to OMV propaganda for the rich, such as the opera ball. Just disgusting!”
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