A relationship is considered toxic when it generates some damage or discomfort in one or both parties of the couple. These types of relationships are characterized by feelings such as suffering or the pain.
As explained by Lucía Feito, a psychologist at the Claritas Psychological Institute specializing in General Health Psychologist and Systemic Family and Couple Therapy, “it is difficult to give a definition of a toxic relationshipsince they can be very diverse” according to the character and personality of each person.
This same expert emphasizes that it can be considered a toxic relationship like the one in which one or both people “are suffering”, but “they deceive themselves and tell themselves that everything will change and they will be saved, the result of an emotional dependency that leads them to hide the discomfort from the other to avoid again a new discussion or confrontation.
In this way, a toxic relationship becomes one that deprives one of the two people of their own personal development and the couple.
How can we recognize a toxic relationship?
As Feito indicates, there are different attitudes that can help us recognize a toxic relationship, the main characteristics being jealousy and control.
In a relationship of this type, attitudes of distrustwhich are justified “by the need of one party to exercise control over the other person, for fear of losing him or for his insecurities”.
In other cases, a toxic relationship can be recognized when one of the partners shows an attitude defensive at the slightest criticism, expresses disinterest in the other person or has attitudes of competitiveness, instead of cooperation, which is usual.
Sometimes the “toxic” person tends to make you feel culpable to the other, for which he makes her responsible for things that do not correspond to her.
From the Cláritas Psychological Institute they assure that it is essential to learn to recognize this type of situation and, consequently, accept them.
In addition, these experts recall that people who are trapped in a toxic relationship “constantly feel on a roller coaster of emotions”, so they can feel fear, insecurity, sadness, misunderstanding and even loneliness.
Therefore, the first step before acting is “recognize that we are trapped in a relationship that generates us a lot of discomfort and suffering, which we are hiding.
In short, in order to learn to accept it, the expert in General Health Psychologist and Systemic Family and Couple Therapy advises to look back and we figure out how we have been stopping doing those activities that we liked, how we have stopped meeting people who generated well-being for us and analyzing how we have changed our behavior so that the other person does not get upset.
Key phrases that allow us to identify a toxic partner
Generally, many of the attitudes carried out by the person guilty of the toxic relationship can be accompanied by phrases that show control, jealousy or that make the other person feel guilty.
According to Feito, different phrases related to the control on WhatsApp and social networksreferring to physical appearance or clothes, or those who try limit other relationships or activities can help us recognize a relationship with a toxic partner. Some examples are the following:
- “Leave me your phone to show me that you love me and you have nothing to hide.”
- “Why don’t you put a profile picture of us?”
- “I don’t understand why you put on so much makeup if you look more beautiful naturally.”
- “Why do you dress up so much?”
- “There is no friendship between men and women.”
- “Call me or wake me up when you get home, I want to see how you get there.”
- “If you love me and you have nothing to hide, would you give me your passwords?”
- “Why do you take your phone everywhere? What are you hiding from me?”
- “You’re online and you don’t even answer me.”
- “I don’t understand why you want to meet up with the people from the office if you’re with them all day.”
To get away from these kinds of people, first and foremost, you have to recognize that we are involved in a toxic relationshiplearning to gradually identify behaviors and attitudes to differentiate between things that correspond to us and things that do not.
The second and most difficult step is stay away from these people. “We must connect with the idea that we can only save and heal ourselves, no matter how hard we try we cannot change others, it is not our responsibility or task, and no matter how much we do, the change only depends on one himself/herself”, concludes Feito.
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