2023-09-30 11:56:50
It is a serious breach of the pledged word and of course, its most serious consequence is the loss of trust, coupled with the pain of betrayal that is felt.
No matter how much we try to explain what infidelity is and why it happens, it is very difficult to explain in words what it means and what it does to those who suffer from it.
There are even events that for some do not represent infidelity because there has not (yet) been physical sexual contact. So it is better that we enter into a psychoeducation process to place ourselves in the context.
Infidelity is fundamentally characterized by deception, lying, breaking a commitment, and violating implicitly or explicitly agreed agreements.
It is a serious breach of the pledged word and of course, its most serious consequence is the loss of trust, coupled with the pain of betrayal that is felt.
It has many aspects that need to be talked about, even if it is uncomfortable, annoying or annoying.
There are those who think that talking about infidelity is attracting it and that is why they avoid the topic. However, it is necessary for the couple to be clear about their relationship codes and establish their own emotional contract, which entails delimiting behaviors, ways of treating each other, and the management of issues inherent to their relationship.
There are many ways to break trust, as many as there are ways to be unfaithful.
One of the best-known forms of infidelity is being with another person sexually and it seems that if there was no infidelity there is no infidelity.
However, since it is a deception, where the pact is broken or the word is broken, it could be a different type of infidelity, whether or not you are with another person sexually, physically or emotionally. It seems illogical, right? Well it is not too much.
1. An addiction to pornography or masturbation is a type of infidelity, especially because it is a sexual problem that is hidden from the partner, who upon discovering it feels their trust betrayed, their self-esteem hurt, and doubt planted in them. inside.
2. A flirtation via messaging, WhatsApp, email, Instagram or any digital platform, behind the partner’s back, is infidelity. In any of the cases there may not have been physical or coital contact, there may not have been personal contact with that person, but there has been a lie, deception, and betrayal of trust.
3. Hiding assets, putting them in the name of third parties or intentionally not declaring them, and not letting the couple know, is economic infidelity. Just like keeping secret how much is earned, how much is spent or when, unilaterally, large amounts of money are available to acquire goods, do business or invest; or when hidden parallel accounts are managed. In each of these forms of financial deception, there is a type of financial infidelity.
If any of these actions are consensual and informed, whether they like it or not, they are no longer signs of infidelity.
4. Hiding the truth about physical or mental health, as well as remaining silent or lying about situations of emotional impact, such as the diagnosis of an illness, a dismissal or a problem that affects the relationship, is a sign of emotional infidelity. Of course, feeling affection or falling in love with another person is also considered emotional infidelity. In principle, the person feels betrayed because there was not enough trust to let him know the truth and even if it was with the intention of “not making him suffer” or “not wanting to worry him”, the perceived result is the equivalent of a betrayal that It causes trust to be lost.
5. Hiding one’s sexual orientation after a relationship established over time is a type of infidelity: The partner’s trust is violated, and the partner could even feel betrayed or used to keep the truth hidden and it would hurt them deeply.
6. Being addicted and not letting your partner know is another form of deception, therefore, a form of infidelity.
In short, there are many forms of lying that can take different forms of being unfaithful.
Of course, the consideration of whether or not these are infidelity will also depend on the pre-established codes in the couple. If these codes do not exist, it is necessary to talk clearly about them and rethink the relationship and its new codes.
The process of regaining trust is conscious and continuous
When trust has been violated, recovering it goes through a conscious and deliberate process, which requires courage, inner strength, emotional intelligence, psychoeducation and unbreakable faith to be able to overcome the trance they are going through. Among other options you could go to:
· Talk about what is happening, how they are feeling and what they expect.
· Drain what you feel emotionally, without judging or exaggerating.
· Establish new limits.
· Manifest love and compassion with yourself and your partner.
· Seek professional help.
· Cultivate patience.
· Accept that not all people will understand that, as a couple, they seek to regain lost trust, which is why they will criticize and judge.
· Recognize that more than being guilty, it is a consequence of silence and poor communication.
· Rule out the existence of any mental health problem.
· Believe in yourself and make conscious decisions that lead to the best you both can achieve.
Recovering and strengthening trust is a continuous process that returns peace to the home.
Yamilet Pinto
@yamiletpinto
Psychologist
FPV-16092
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