The State Duma Committee on Family, Women and Children held a meeting of the All-Russian Union “Social Blogger”. As a result of the event, the chairman of the committee, Nina Ostanina, proposed registering Russian bloggers with the Ministry of Justice, issuing certificates to them, and developing a code of ethics for a blogger. The scale of the idea seemed to me so delightful in terms of its idiocy that I gladly took up the development.
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Three bottles of beer was enough for me to formulate the main idea of the Russian blogosphere. It sounds a little pretentious, so the Duma will undoubtedly approve of it – what a sober man has on his mind, a drunkard has on his tongue. Certificates should be issued solely on the basis of a certificate confirming that its bearer is an alcoholic, that is, he is not lying. All the rest are duplicitous opportunists and varnishers of intoxicating reality. To collect signatures, I went to Rublyovka, where blogger Valeria Chekalina (Lerchek) celebrated her birthday.
I didn’t like the party at first sight. Provincial cheap. The audience is also from the infogypsy camp: Elena Blinovskaya, creator of the Marathon of Desires, makeup artist Goar Avetisyan, and influencer Nadine Serovski, who earns money on marathons for women’s happiness. All these granddaughters of Leni Golubkov did not inspire any confidence in me, except for a firm belief in their moral uncleanliness.
– Samba of the white moth, – as if reading my thoughts, Valery Meladze howled from the stage.
Great choice! How many of these moths he and his brother beat down in the dashing 90s on the dark roads of their native Ukraine. What samba, rumba and cha-cha-cha these butterflies made in saunas and baths for a plate of borscht with dumplings. Where are the current influencers.
Flowers and berries
That’s who I was definitely glad to meet, so this is Philip Kirkorov. At a recent concert in Alma-Ata, well, where else can a thoroughbred Bulgarian sing today, Kirkorov came out in pantyhose over his underpants. The sign, it must be said, is bad. These leggings are a talisman. He puts them on when he’s really pressed. And never erases, so as not to wash off the magical properties of the accessory. Therefore, in the forefront, many feel uncomfortable, which only supports the myth of the great power of art. Leggings are all that remains of their life together with Alla Borisovna.
So in Alma-Ata, the first rows did not feel the magical influence. Philip Bedrosovich’s assistant stretched out his breeches. It was this manifestation of sincere concern that caused the wrath of the king of pop, who whipped a too frisky upstart with a bouquet of roses. The video of the incident went viral on the Internet.
But the well-wishers took pity on the peasant early. Roses were just flowers. The berries that he got in the royal suite after the concert can only be digested by a person with a very strong digestion.
– Horse sausage is something with something, – Filya shared his impressions of hospitable Kazakhstan.
Not wanting to hear the details of the artist’s acquaintance with the meat product, I hid behind the curtain out of harm’s way. There I was found by a representative of the proud steppe peoples, comedian Nurlan Saburov.
“Put your sausage on that tall man,” I proudly got out of a difficult situation.
– I actually work here, – as evidence, the guest worker presented a weather vane swinging on a long pole in the form of Catherine Barnabas.
– Worms, – I immediately diagnosed the painful thinness of the TV personality. – It is necessary to drink more red and vodka.
Delighted, the artist immediately jumped onto the stage, jumping there with happiness, from time to time lifting her skirt and exposing her bony ass towards the grateful audience. Suddenly her legs parted in twine. There was a crack.
“God, how it hurts in the groin, I can’t convey,” Katya groaned to the delight of her colleagues.
Having barely closed her crotch, the star held an auction where pieces of a birthday cake from the birthday of blogger Lerchek were played. The first was sold to an unknown person for 1.7 million rubles. According to the blogger’s husband Artem Chekalin, they donated all the proceeds from the sale to charity. That is, drunk. But the second piece went to Meladze, who greedily ate it from the unwashed hands of some grubby girl.
– You’ve come, you work for food, – I sympathized with the artist from the bottom of my heart.
The chomping singer tried to justify himself, choked on his fee and was taken away by a moth backstage.
Touchpoint
By this time, the guests had already relaxed enough to talk about their high social role in the state.
– How many blowjobs do you need per week to maintain your current lifestyle? they asked each other.
It was this question that blogger Anastasia Ivanovskaya raised before a meeting of the State Duma Committee on Family, Women and Children. Her colleagues then did not agree on the assessment, which is why the whole meeting went lumpy. And I suddenly understood why deputies and bloggers will never find a common language. In this matter, they are on different, so to speak, sides of the barricades, and the point of contact of their interests is one, and this barrel is by no means bottomless.
The tragic discovery had to be washed down with three dry whites. Meladze’s face, smeared with cream and lipstick, no longer seemed so repulsive to me, and Filya, with his collection of sausages, also looked much more traditional than all this influencer foam surrounding us old people.
– Fuuuu, – I blew at Lerchek.
But she didn’t fly away. The magic didn’t happen. After all, life is not a glass of beer for you.
Photo source: Larisa Kudryavtseva