I read a newspaper every day. I mean of course: I read this newspaper every day and, admittedly, regularly some others as well. Last Wednesday I apparently had a lot of time, so I read three different newspapers. One after the other, of course, with the same news regularly in different words and fortunately here and there a journalist or columnist with a different view and appropriate language.
But what struck me most was that the back page of the three newspapers I read was exactly the same. An advertisement, with offers, of stuff. As I expanded my research for this column, I found out that the same company also filled all the back pages the day before. With other stuff, yes. But it became clear to me: a lot of people like to see ads with stuff, and I assume a lot of that stuff is sold. Because we all sometimes need a ‘fashionable zip pullover’ (with ‘extra warm’ as an extra argument), or a teddy (or Teddy) duvet cover that promises the same temperature.
I’ve scanned the advertisements with some bewilderment, seen what’s on offer, I’ve seen what you, reader of this paper, apparently consider buying from time to time. An extendable water brush that not only fits on every garden hose (exclamation mark) but also sprays or brushes more than 4.5 meters in height. A stick vacuum cleaner including LED lighting, which I assume makes it possible to read your book while vacuuming without consuming too much (extra) energy.
And even, and then I really had to lie down, an anti-stress weighted blanket, which lets you ‘sleep deeper’ through ‘the feeling of security and relaxation’. What and how exactly weighs you down, and wouldn’t you sleep better if your blanket made everything a bit lighter? Or is it correct so that you cannot toss and turn at all due to the influence of the blanket – aggravating – if you wanted to, and that you then fall into a deep (and feeling safe) sleep in a state of despair, question mark.
compression socks! Smart plugs! A therapeutic memory foam back and lumbar pillow!
Earlier this week we were delighted, at least that was the tone of the news reports, with economic growth still going on in our country. I realize that this, these pages, these products, the fact that this kind of works and tempts you too every now and then to buy something that you didn’t see any reason to do when you woke up – but yes, your back and loins sometimes want to sit comfortably and 25 euros had been deducted from the price – that this is part of that economic growth.
Whereby I only think: everything we order is produced, packaged, transported in a sea container, transported in a van and then delivered (usually to the neighbors), all the junk that we don’t really need, we wouldn’t be able to buy either. I sincerely believe that this saves a lot – waste, emissions – and also that it doesn’t make us any less happy. Or you really need an ultrasonic animal repeller.
Dolf Jansen is a comedian and writes a weekly column for Trouw. Read his columns here.