date of publication:
Jul 06 2022 2:50 GMT
Update date: July 06, 2022 3:00 GMT
In liars the shadow of suspicion is always present, but why do they lie? What can we do to help them?
Some people lie about important things, like someone claiming they got a degree they didn’t get. He may have also lied about the little things, such as saying that he had met an important person and had not, or that he had received a gift when in fact he had bought it, or that he had eaten so much the day before when in fact he had eaten but a piece of bread.
It is often the people who do not stop lying on their own. Sooner or later those they trust eventually discover their behavior and leave them in a mixture of emotions, filled with sadness and anger. Their first intention was to change the other, but they did not succeed.
According to a report published by nospensees last Sunday, every choice has a motivation that is embodied in a behavioral indicator. A deviation from the truth also arises from a specific motive, whether the lie is greater or smaller. It may seem trivial from the outside, but the person is turning away from the truth because he understands that he will benefit from it. This may be to avoid a reprimand, to improve his image, or not to reveal a surprise, but there is always an interest.
In other words, if the benefit wears off, the habit (the habit of lying) is likely to disappear as well. We say maybe because for some people the habit of lying is so natural that it becomes almost automatic. Decision no longer practically passes through the circuits of consciousness in the brain. For these people any imagined option can be put into reality. As if reality and possible parallels play in the same field.
Do people who lie believe their lies?
People who are accustomed to lying, unless they have a mental disorder, do not believe their lies. They know at all times that what “happened” did not actually happen. But what happens with relative hesitation is that they act as if what they say is true, even in contexts where they don’t need to lie.
Imagine that a particular person is more sensitive today than other days, and to get his girlfriend’s attention and interest he chooses to say that he is not feeling well today, and that he has a headache. He spends all his breakfast moments with his girlfriend in faking his truth. Surprisingly, his girlfriend leaves him and goes to work and he continues to pretend, even if he doesn’t need to.
He convinces himself of his lying condition and does not eat much.
The liar quickly learns that if he wants to reduce the cognitive erosion caused by lying, it is better for him to always act as if the lie were not a lie. Therefore, in some cases we may feel that the person really believes in what they are pretending or saying.
How do you help these people?
To try to answer this question, psychologists offer some important points:
Do not confront them with the truth when you are away from them or angry with them. These people are more likely to deny it or avoid the conversation. They may even accuse you of paranoia.
Try to get them to see a specialist. It is very difficult to “disassemble” a pattern of behavior that a person has been dealing with for years. It is very complicated. So, just as you can’t operate on a person with appendicitis, I recommend seeing a medical professional.
Do not overburden yourself with a task in which, unaided, you will have many chances of failure, and of doing more harm, either because of the chronic nature of the problem or from the appearance of some other cause. Remember that if you want help, the main goal is to get the person to see a professional.
All people lie. As for a person who lies incessantly, it is very difficult to recognize him. Just as the behavior of lying is well learned, the behavior of avoidance and avoidance is likely to be well established. Once a person falls into the trap, they will naturally admit it: “I didn’t tell you this happened so you wouldn’t be worried, I told you I did it so you wouldn’t get angry.”
The person who keeps lying is in pain too – you can use this argument to bring him to therapy, it’s about making him feel better. Moreover, this person may feel “doomed” to continue to lie so as not to decipher all the discourse that he has already shared with others.