2023-12-12 19:51:45
At the end of the year, we are in the final stretch towards the inevitable holiday season, a period during which no one really wants to be alone, even with family, single.
Dating doesn’t have to be a chore. They can be uplifting and romantic, quirky and affectionate, whatever your age or background.
Instead of viewing dating as a job, take it as an opportunity to seriously think about what you want from life — and from the person you want to spend it with.
Here are some tips gathered from experts in the field of dating that will hopefully change the course of the lives of not just one, but two people.
The first tip for finding a partner is to use three approaches. To that of online meetings, we add that of meetings in everyday life and that of your friends and contacts who know someone who might interest you.
There is nothing magical about dating, you just need to put all the chances in your favor. If someone seems like they have potential, meet them in person, be patient, and start talking and spending time with them. Sometimes very high-quality, long-lasting relationships develop slowly and have a number of false starts and missteps.
Make a video chat
Do a video chat before every first in-person date to check for chemistry. Make it an obligation, because potentially refusing to video chat is also communication. This helps avoid regrettable meetings with complete strangers, or weeks of stilted chatter to discover values that are too different. So get in front of the camera to introduce yourself, flirt, ask your tough questions about values and set up a date – or not – live.
Seek pleasure, have fun
First things first. On the first date, don’t ask questions designed to determine the person’s place in your future, such as “What are you looking for?” Do you want to get married?” The first meeting is only to establish whether there is a basic connection. The question you need to ask yourself is, “Am I having fun? Do I want to see this person again? The answer to this question will lay the foundation or not for your future relationship.
Not one, but several types of relationships
We are all looking for some form of long-term commitment. But other types of relationships can come into play, such as a friendly, physical, romantic or intellectual connection. This can last a few hours, a decade, whatever, as long as you get authentic links.
Avoid the “hiring” type of meeting
When you ask questions to see if the other person fits your vision, you reduce them to an object, as a means to achieve your goal and the plan you have in mind. Searching for your crush puts a lot of pressure on you and the date, and the energy of the job interview risks extinguishing any chance of spark.
Additionally, you will judge the person prematurely without having really gotten to know them. You don’t know enough about the person and you don’t even know if you want to go on a second date with them. You shouldn’t try to see if this person has a place in your future – it takes you away from the present.
Know how to be selective
Choose quality over quantity. This does not mean that you need to draw up a long list of prerequisites. Think about the type of life you want to create with someone and the qualities a person must possess to create that life together. This will give you a clearer idea of who is best for you.
With a little introspection, understanding your true relationship desires, you will be able to select the types of partners that match the type of life you want to create.
Have a backup plan in case of failure
Beware of the risk of failure. People are often shocked by the amount of disappointment and anxiety that comes with dating. Knowing that things will probably be terrible before they are good helps alleviate some of that stress.
Expecting difficulties means you can prepare for them too. Being rejected: “I’m not attracted to you.” These are things that happen and are terrible. Avoid fatalism and know how to overcome the disappointments that will occur.
Put your phone away
During a meeting, you will be tempted to check your device to fill an awkward silence, but you risk ruining the meeting. Disconnect it and put it away to better focus on the importance of the moment. Or better yet, challenge the other person who also wants to open their device: whoever touches their phone first will pay for the next drinks!
To those in their twenties
Brain maturity in impulse control and decision-making is not reached until the mid to late 20s. Your twenties are an opportunity to discover, not to get married. Statistically, couples who marry at age 20 are 50% more likely to divorce than those who wait until they are at least 25.
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