2023-11-02 19:16:53
The good news is that it is possible to move from discomfort to well-being. (Photo: Niklas Hamann for Unsplash)
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Q. – “A priori, I have nothing to complain about: I have a good pay and a great job. But now, I don’t feel happy at work. And I don’t even know why…” – Marika
A. – Dear Marika, you feel unhappy in your daily work life, and you have no clear idea of what is causing this situation. Is it your boss who is constantly on your back, as unfortunately happens so often? An unbearable colleague who ruins your life? Or, are the goals to be achieved so high that it stresses you out day and night?
If that were the case, you surely would have mentioned it in your post. But there, nothing, radio silence. You’re not giving me any leads.
And yet, I see one that appears implicitly in your message. It’s a detail, but it seems revealing to me: you only talk about yourself, the “I” is repeated and hammered out as if there were only you in your workplace. And that’s what we call a “blind spot”. Explanation.
The blind spot is the part of the retina where the optic nerve is inserted, which transmits images to the brain. It is therefore the small portion of the retina which is devoid of photoreceptors, which is totally blind.
We all have a blind spot. But we are not aware of this hole in our field of vision, because our brain invents the missing information.
The blind spot can be the source of accidents on the road. When we’re about to change lanes, we take a quick look at the side mirror and tell ourselves we can go, because there’s nothing there. In truth, there may be a car passing nearby, but as only one of our eyes looks in the rear-view mirror, the image of the car may be located right in the blind spot: our brain, perceiving nothing, invents that ‘there’s nothing there, and it’s stuck the second we disengage. (Hence the need to always turn your head to check that there is nothing, because this makes both eyes work and eliminates the risk represented by the blind spot.)
In short, the multiplication of “I”s in your message, Marika, made me think of one of the most frequent blind spots at work, according to American coach Loretta Malandro: our inability to rely on others. That is, thinking “we” instead of “I”.
Very often, when we are faced with a difficulty or challenge, we first try to find a solution on our own. We want to show that we are capable. Because we fear being seen as incompetent if we ever start asking for a helping hand.
In doing so, we are carrying out “social divestment”. We do not give our network of contacts the opportunity to get started, to practice becoming more efficient, to enrich themselves. Yes, we isolate ourselves. And the simple fact of repeatedly cutting ourselves off from others is enough to harm our fulfillment, our happiness. It can even end up making us feel unhappy, without really knowing why.
That’s it, do you see where I was going with this, Marika? A stupid blind spot at work, and we are no longer able to see life in rosy terms. It’s that simple.
Now, how to correct the situation? I invite you to increase prosocial acts among your colleagues. Because altruism is a good remedy for isolation and the dark thoughts that often accompany it.
– Compliments. Make it a habit to compliment others. For example, make a list of the good things accomplished by your colleague and your boss during the week. And on Friday, at the end of the day, send the people concerned a short congratulatory email for what they have done well. Casually, it will do them a world of good when they read this on Monday morning, starting the week.
– Parole. At your next office meeting, look around the room and spot people who are not participating, or only minimally, in the discussion. Those who, for a thousand and one bad reasons, have gotten into the habit of remaining silent. And give them the opportunity to speak. For example, using a sentence that is both kind and open (to which you can’t just answer yes or no), like “Alex, you’re good at seeing things from one perspective. unpublished, I am curious to know what you think of the point we are discussing.
– Valuation. Make a list of reasons to praise and recommend your colleagues, then jump at every opportunity to do so as soon as it comes your way. Because by valuing others, we demonstrate our belonging to the team.
There you go, Marika. Take a real interest in others, this will nourish your connectedness, this faculty which allows us to evolve harmoniously provided that we form fruitful links with others.
By the way, the French actor Philippe Caubère said in “Les Carnets d’un Jeune Homme”: ““Je” is full of others”.
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