2023-11-25 09:32:37
Nearly 94,000 women are victims of rape or attempted rape each year in France, according to an Odoxa survey carried out for Franceinfo et Le Figaro in 2017. And more than one in two French women have already been the victim of harassment or sexual assault at least once in their life according to the “Living environment and security” survey carried out by INSEE in 2019.
Behind these dizzying figures, suffering women and countless repercussions. On their mental health but also their body, their relationship with others and… their sexuality. On the occasion of the International Day for the Eradication of Violence against Women this Saturday, 20 Minutes looked into this question (which does not only concern women): how to regain fulfilled sexuality after having suffered sexual violence?
Desensitize trauma triggers
Finding your desire again requires, above all, awareness of the sexual violence suffered and its consequences. “Many victims are in denial and are, at first, unaware of the impact that the event had on their sexuality,” estimates Audrey Le Tarnec, psycho-corporeal therapist.
If sex therapist Vanessa Bertho immediately points out that “a traumatic event may not create trauma and reminiscence” in the victim, flashbacks are nevertheless common among those who have experienced rape or sexual assault. This violence can generate visual, auditory, gustatory or tactile triggers, making him relive the trauma at each stage of the relationship, from seduction to sexual intercourse.
“Rape, like every life event, occurs in three dimensions,” explains Vanessa Bertho: sensation (taste, touch, smell), emotion (disgust, for example) and cognition (the memory of the traumatic event). According to the therapist, it is necessary to cut this triangle to reclaim one’s sexuality. A work that can involve therapy. Neuro-emotional integration through eye movements, better known as EMDR, has for example proven itself in the treatment of sexual disorders due to trauma.
Start with tenderness
For Vanessa Bertho, it is essential to distinguish violence and sexuality. “Rape is not sexuality,” she insists. It is by disconnecting the two and giving sexuality a positive image that better well-being is possible.
A progressive path according to Céline Croizé, sex therapist. “We can begin to renew physical contact through tenderness, with caresses, without sexual connotation. This step by step prevents the body from confusing what is violence and what is love because it is the same areas that are affected. »
Reclaiming your body
Victims of sexual violence may tend to disconnect from their own bodies. A protective mechanism that does not facilitate the resumption of fulfilling sexuality. “Anchoring body exercises, such as massages, times of caressing or tenderness, can allow us to return to full presence,” explains Céline Croizé.
The reappropriation of one’s body is essential for victims “who have gone from a state of human being to a state of object,” recalls Audrey Le Tarnec. The idea is to restore life to return to a state of being. » Physical activity, dance, bodily or artistic expression can allow you to escape from a fixed and dissociative state and reconnect with your body.
The therapist also invites victims of violence to find pleasure again on their own. “Touching yourself, whether by masturbating or caressing non-intimate parts, will allow you to rediscover yourself and rediscover desire and pleasure. » Redefine your desire, but also your limits. Because by touching themselves, the person can also realize the areas that are now unpleasant for them. And talk to your partner about it.
Set the limits of your consent with your partner
Sharing your blockages, your fears and your desires often proves useful. “We don’t have to go into details if we don’t feel it, but it’s important to say that we experienced something that could generate a reaction that may seem surprising,” adds the sex therapist. Not only will this allow the victim to feel more confident, but also the partner to be reassured that he is not responsible for the situation (except obviously in the case of sexual violence within the couple) .
Giving informed consent and determining the limits of the practices that the other can or cannot expect is also necessary. “This dialogue can allow the partner to give room for repair because the sexual relationship with the other is also part of the reconstruction,” recalls Audrey Le Tarnec. Because the therapist insists: “It is not impossible to rediscover desire and pleasure. »
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