Pablo Lanús and Elena Moreno Vivot are the parents of five children and live in Buenos Aires. They raised a boy (whom the media call José, to protect his real name) as a foster family, who came to the home at 4 months old and is 4 years old today. The foster care period should not be longer than 180 days. But times are usually extended, for multiple reasons. And the pandemic also lengthened them.
They agree with the legal rule that prohibits foster families from adopting children they receive in transit, but they suggest that, as was done in other cases, the special situation of this child, who lived most of his life, be addressed life with them.
The story with our children, T. and B., is very similar to that of José and the Lanús-Moreno Vivot family. With my wife, Pilar, we signed up to be a foster family. They had told us that many children end up in institutions due to the lack of a family in transit to care for them.
That’s where the story began with our twins. We all hoped for a short and healing transitional stay.
In Córdoba, while the foster care is being given, Senaf (National Secretariat for Children, Adolescents and Family) tries to reconnect the child with his biological family, and the judge with his team closely controls and follows this process. Once this instance has been exhausted, Senaf informs the judge and he decides, to eventually give the OK for that child to go to the adoption stage.
This stage of foster care tends to be extended in many cases, and thus what should be a stay of a few months is transformed into one of years; in our case, four, as it happens to José.
When times get longer, these children and their foster family naturally build healthy bonds and affective ties. This is inevitable: with the passage of time, they begin to feel that foster family is their own. And vice versa.
When our twins arrived, we had to live and feel that. Time passed and they began to call us mom and dad, and they forged a bond with their four siblings, with their grandparents, uncles, cousins, and friends.
Children who lose their blood parents suffer abandonment, which they will have to process and heal. And when they feel a family as their own, there is hope and a new opportunity. Why subject José to another abandonment? It would be opening a new wound.
In Córdoba, there are valuable and capable people in the courts that intervene, who work with great responsibility and commitment. But contemplating the passage of time as one of the decisive elements when deciding the fate of these children continues to be exceptional.
It is time for us, as a society, to get to work on new legislation that protects, cares for, and makes this vital process healthier for many children who are waiting for their permanent family.
Naturally, as time passes, the child begins to feel like a son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin; he feels part of that family that contains him.
In our case, a judge, within the framework of the law that defends and cares for the rights of the child, after fostering for almost four years, resolved and offered us the adoption of the twins. It was a brave and exceptional decision, certainly healing and just for them.
As a common citizen, I think that judges should prioritize the emotional health of children in these cases; This should not be an exceptional measure: it should always be applied with their well-being in mind.