Juliette suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder, also called OCD. Suffering from impulse phobia, she tells us about the suffering that this causes on a daily basis and the solutions that exist today.
Can you introduce yourself ?
My name is Juliette, I am 22 years old and I am a student. I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Personally, I had a particular OCD called impulse phobia. This translates into the fear of hurting others or oneself, or even being violent and losing one’s mind, for no specific reason.
What exactly is a TOC?
OCD is not a mental illness. It’s a psychiatric disorder.
OCD has a particular mechanism.
First of all, we have them obsessions. These are thoughts that come automatically, like “I’m crazy”, “I’m going to kill someone” etc. Then there are the compulsions. These are the thoughts and automatisms that we put in place to relieve ourselves, to avoid being afraid, to reassure ourselves. Compulsions go hand in hand with obsessions.
Namely that the things we often see on TV, like people doing housework, are visible compulsions. But there are compulsions that are not necessarily visible. For example, I recited the alphabet over and over in my head and no one can know that. There are also avoidances, which we put in place so as not to have to confront a situation. But all of this is happening gradually.
OCD can affect anyone?
In theory, yes. The factors are multiple. They can be biological, genetic or environmental. But generally, I think there are mostly predispositions. People who have, for example, received a fairly strict education. Education is a recurring cause. As far as I’m concerned, I didn’t necessarily have the space to express my anger at home. I associated it with something bad and always kept it all to myself. I had to repress a form of aggression and OCD was a kind of explosion of all these emotions. After, I talk about my personal case, I know that for others there may also be other causes. Hence the importance of doing substantive work with a shrink.
How did your impulse phobia appear to you?
VWhen I was 15/16 I started to feel bad, but I couldn’t explain where my discomfort came from. I was a victim of school bullying in college and I think that greatly contributed to the triggering of my OCD. Indeed, there is often a triggering event. I was very anxious. Then, little by little, I had obsessive thoughts that kept coming back. For example, when I was at the table with my family and there was a knife next to my plate, I said to myself: “What if I ever take this knife and do something irreparable? And if I were to stab my father or my sister?”.
For the average person, these are thoughts that come, but don’t go. not cling to the mind. They will just leave as they came. Whereas a person who has OCD will have this thought that will stick in their mind, until they are convinced that it is reality. Personally, there were times when I was convinced that I could do something irreparable to my loved ones or to myself.
The individual who has OCD has like a filter in front of his eyes. He perceives things differently because his thought is very close to reality. On the other hand, unlike a person who is really affected by a psychiatric illness, the person who has OCD is aware of the moral aspect of the thing. He doesn’t want to take action, he’s afraid of it.