FABRICE COFFRINI / AFP / picturedesk.com
The unscrupulous attacks in Vienna were just a foretaste. As of today, the climate terrorists are expanding their green jihad to all of Austria. A first attack on critical infrastructure took place this morning in the west of the country. An activist from the “Last Generation Tyrol” terror cell blocks a two-meter-wide artificial snow slope.
ISCHGL – Green meadows, blazing sunlight, 25°C in the shade. It’s a picturesque January day in Ischgl, Tirol. A shiny white-brown strip of snow meanders gracefully into the valley and invites you to ski down. Camels are grazing on the pastures, and even the first cacti are already beginning to bloom. A few kilometers away a pyramid is being built for Franz Hörl.
But out of nowhere the peaceful idyll is disturbed. Sirens drown out the roar of the snow cannons for a brief moment. The chairlift stops abruptly, a kilometer-long traffic jam stretches back to the Kaisermühlen junction. “What am I up to now? Are there any reporters in the Kitzloch?” asks lift attendant Andreas Freisinger, looking up at the snow band.
attack
As the police have meanwhile confirmed, climate terrorist “Emily Lucia F.” glued herself to the ski slope in the morning. progress impossible. For hundreds of vacationers, the dream vacation comes to an abrupt end.
“Please, that’s crazy, they just don’t think far enough,” explains a skier in a traffic jam. “The last three bitcoin transactions I just made out of sheer insipidity use as much electricity as Ecuador. It would have been wiser to let me drive on, wouldn’t it?”
“I have a very urgent appointment in the valley,” calls another victim in three layers of mink fur coats. “If I’m late, my cook André has to freshly prepare the caviar and reheat the jacuzzi, is that what you Eco-Maoists want? If you don’t finally demonstrate more peacefully, then I’ll kill you!”
Cable car boss Franz Hörl does not want to leave the protest unanswered. “What’s going to become of the ski season now? The two-meter band is our last open descent,” he explains. He is in negotiations with the Tyrolean killer cow Mitzi, who is supposed to pay the activist a “visit”. “I trained them personally,” says Hörl and feeds Mitzi. “She already has 10 Piefke on her conscience, right, Mitzi?”
rescue is at hand
After around 50 minutes of agony, two sand buggies stop at the edge of the piste. Cobra officers get out, nail polish remover at the ready, surround Emily and take her away. A governors tribunal will now decide their fate.
Despite quick help, the joy of those waiting is restrained. The wafer-thin layer of snow has melted away in the meantime, three buried ski instructors have thawed and are staggering, coughing, to the nearest après-ski bar.
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