Again the Linenfox lookbook was shot deep inside my comfort zone.
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״כן, אם״
The most desirable accessory for 2023: borders. Get to know the two words that will shorten your way there
(published in my column in Lasha)
2022 was the year of quiet resignation and “behave according to your salary” (two nice framings for: so far-it’s-enough-to-grow-your-head-without-being-paid-for-it), the year of the “evil age” (TikTok trend that sounds alarming but All he means is to implore you to stop pleasing the energy guzzlers around you even if they happen to be beloved family members or friends), the year the book “The Worst Assistant in the World” was published, written by Sona Movesian about her special relationship with the boss-celeb, Conan O’Brien , a relationship that allows her to nap while working.
There is no doubt: the most desirable accessory for the coming year is borders. There is nothing new about the need to set boundaries, but in an age where everything is reframed into a short video accompanied by an irritating soundtrack, boundaries are the current self-evident thing that has suddenly taken on a special status. Take for example the journalist Isabelle Berwick of the Financial Times who spent two hours in a boundaries workshop given by a yoga guru only to come to the conclusion that “setting boundaries is really just a self-defeating way of allowing yourself to say no to things you don’t want to do.”
If until a few years ago the spirit of the times encouraged us to say “yes!” enthusiastically, to get out of our comfort zone and embrace the spirit of adventure, then the last few years have already directed us as humanity towards the normalization of saying no. Were you born with the ability? Beauty. Have you been paved towards a more fulfilling path and feel guilty every time you refuse something? No problem, you can choose between piles of professional literature, listening to podcasts, following Instagram pages dedicated to the subject, or a more classic choice of a few hours of individual therapy or group workshops.
Feel that the choice between yes or no is too binary for you? Oh. Meet the “yes, if”. It is difficult to find the official spiritual parents of the phrase (we will only mention Andy Olan’s Ted lecture), but it is a pair of magic words that allow you to set limits without taking on things you don’t want to do, and on the other hand, not to completely avoid things that intrigue you, but are not exactly right according to your energy level. The “yes, if” allows setting limits even for those who do not find it natural. And bonus: Olan says it’s a great way to negotiate with yourself to understand your inner limits.
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Yes/No/Yes, if. Useful guide:
Yes!
The correct answer in cases where the answer is an unequivocal yes. Not to mention: yes!!!
for example:
Free for a weekend in Paris?
Want a raise?
Shall I bring the dessert menu?
No thanks/no this time
In cases where you are really not interested in what is offered to you.
for example:
I have another ticket, do you want to come with me to a modern dance performance? (Insert here the type of cultural activity that you have no chance of enjoying).
No offense, of course, want some advice?
Yes, if
When it’s not completely yes, but certainly not no. This is true in the case of a chance to improve the conditions.
for example:
Want to meet for dinner at eight? (Yes, if we meet at seven)
Shall we meet in town? (Yes, if scheduled before traffic jams)
Can you stay after five today? (yes, if tomorrow I can come later)
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For advanced students:
If we are talking about borders: If we decided to say no, we don’t have to explain why.
Have you said yes to something you know will take a lot of energy from you? Take something else off your schedule.
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Classic yes if:
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Want to hear Joni Mitchell again at the Newport Festival? Yes!!!