2023-12-12 08:07:07
As Christmas approaches, a new tradition from Anglo-Saxon countries is spreading in French companies: Secret Santa, an exchange of gifts between colleagues. While some are delighted, others do not hide their reservations. Forgotten colleagues, missed gifts, moments of discomfort and even sexual harassment… Employees told BFMTV.com about their worst experiences.
A year later, Maxime still has difficulty forgetting the “trauma of the snow globe”. Last winter, the young man received from a colleague “the lousiest gift” in the history of Secret Santa organized in the company: a small plastic snow globe on which is written “Christmas happiness with the family”.
A bauble “neither beautiful, nor useful, nor funny, nor worthless enough to provoke laughter”, as an Internet user pointed out in response to the sarcastic publication of this 33-year-old computer developer on the social network (ex-Twitter).
“Between humiliation and feeling of personal failure, I was planning to throw it away but I decided to keep it all my life as a vector of rage and energy. Even the typography makes me want to vomit. In another universe I become evil and I’m going to burn all the Christmas trees in the city of Paris”, wrote the Parisian with humor, not without a touch of exaggeration.
“The effort is minimal,” he grumbled again, before learning that this gadget was sold online at the price of 6.5 euros for four balls, then discovering that they were even distributed free to children before the holidays at the exit of a supermarket.
Laughter and embarrassment in the middle of the open space
Straight from Anglo-Saxon countries, the tradition of Secret Santa has been carving out a place in the French professional world in recent years. The idea is simple: everyone draws the name of one of their colleagues and offers them a gift, often with a limited budget.
“It’s quite cool, it allows us to share a nice moment of conviviality before the holidays,” says Selma, a support manager in a Lyon insurance firm.
“But it can quickly turn into a mess (discomfort, Editor’s note),” explains this 32-year-old woman, “if everyone doesn’t play the game or when the gift flops.”
This is why every year, Selma dreads when drawing the name of the person to whom she will have to give a gift. What some present as a friendly moment is also experienced as pressure for other employees, who know that they will be scrutinized – and sometimes judged – on the gift they choose.
Selma thus fears their opening up in front of everyone. A moment as “stressful as it is embarrassing” for her, where everyone is scrutinized. “There are always little moments of floating… an awkward reflection in the middle of nowhere.”
“At work, everything is constantly open to interpretation,” notes Karine Trioullier, coach specializing in the development of career plans, also known as the name of Career Kueenfollowed by more than 650,000 people on Tiktok.
“You don’t know how an insignificant or, on the contrary, too large gift can be interpreted,” she warns. “It can be an endless source of stories and unsaid things.”
Bad taste and hidden messages
This is what happened last year in the training organization where Lydia works, in Montbéliard (Doubs). This English teacher describes the discomfort that set in when a colleague was offered… tights. Or when at the other end of theopen-spaceanother colleague received a phone armband for running – even though everyone knows full well that he doesn’t exercise… and has even gained a little weight recently.
“They both kept a superficial smile but we immediately saw that they were not excited, she remembers. They looked decomposed… Worse, someone had the right idea to say out loud: ‘I think we’re trying to send you a message!’
A bit like this SNCF employee who thought it would be a good idea to offer a duster, a mop and cleaning wipes to his colleague who used to stand out for her feminist positions. A “cold shower” for Marie, a 31-year-old community manager, who did not even manage to react because she was so shocked by the approach.
“I laughed heartily, then I left crying with rage,” she says, still disgusted two years later.
“We took turns opening the presents, so I was really the show,” remembers the young woman. “A number of people knew about it and were looking forward to the little joke.” Since then, this colleague has “vaguely apologized”, but Marie has never spoken to him again.
“If I had one piece of advice to give, it would be to not try to be funny,” insists Marion Ledean, human resources manager at DHM. “This is surely not the right time to send a message, even subtly,” insists the lawyer. “If you want to fight with a colleague, forget it!”
When sexism breaks the Christmas spirit
The Secret Santa can be the occasion for even more serious abuses, as two years ago in the psychiatry department of Essonne where Émilie worked. This medical secretary remembers the “frank laughter” of her colleagues when she received a stuffed animal in the shape of a male from her boss, a doctor. “Hold me tight,” it read.
The attention made everyone laugh, except the person concerned: and for good reason this 38-year-old woman was already regularly the target of comments of a sexual nature in her department. Behavior that amounts to sexual harassment in the workplace – an offense punishable by two years in prison and a fine of 30,000 euros.
“When I opened the package, it bothered me so much that I immediately rewrapped it and put it back in its bag,” says Émilie. The 30-year-old felt publicly “humiliated” in public, especially since her colleagues knew that she was “not receptive to their jokes” on these subjects.
“But at the time I still questioned myself and wondered if it was me who didn’t have a sense of humor,” she recalls. “It was my husband who that same evening made me realize how misplaced it was, especially on the part of a superior.”
This exchange of gifts was too much behavior for Emilie. Since then, she has completely stopped participating in parties, birthday presents, and dinners out with her colleagues. “I now stick to strictly professional relationships,” she confides.
The great forgotten ones of Secret Santa
This winter, Carine doesn’t have the heart to organize a Secret Santa in his small real estate agency in Gard. The 47-year-old manager still has the poor little wooden rod that she received from a colleague last year stuck in her throat. “It vaccinated me a little, I no longer really want to get into that,” confides the agency director.
“A log… She gave me a log of wood,” repeats, as disappointed as she is amused, Carine, who still remembers the awkward and heavy silence that followed the opening of her gift. “I had a hard time even understanding what it was. I think everyone saw my head rolling on the floor. It didn’t make any sense.”
“The worst part is that she was a colleague that I liked!” she exclaims, now convinced that “it wasn’t reciprocal”.
Annoyed by what she considers to be a lack of investment from her colleague, Carine barely made the effort to thank her. “The only thing she told me was that she didn’t know what to do with me… I replied: ‘Ah well yes I see that'”. “What else can I say?”, asks Carine, who has put this log, supposed to be a little table mat, in a drawer. “It’s not so much the price of the gift itself that I deplore, it’s the gift purchased by default. It’s not personal at all.”
Others, again, turn out to be the forgotten ones on Santa’s tour. Émilie, a young 28-year-old employee in Paris, for example, did not receive any gifts last year, although she was happy to share her very first Secret Santa in company.
“Every day following the presentation of the gifts, I went to look at the foot of the tree installed in the middle of theopen-space in case my gift was late but nothing. I never got anything…” laments the young woman, who had nevertheless bought a gift. According to her, the person who had drawn her name – whose identity she still does not know today – was probably on leave. work at this time. For her, what was supposed to be a moment of sharing ultimately turned out to be “a little sad”.
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