published25. June 2022, 20:57
Renata (29) has been on cloud nine for a few weeks because of intensive contact with an ex. Now she wants to go one step further. dr Sex has concerns.
“He texts me almost every day. And in the evening he wishes me good night and in the morning asks if I slept well. » Renata’s feelings for her ex have flared up again. (icon picture)
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Question from Renata (29) to Doctor Sex
I’ve been in touch with my ex since my youth for about two months. Our exchange is very intensive and I have developed feelings for him again.
He’s really very observant. If I have a new profile picture, he compliments me. If I upload a new photo of myself on social media, he will be the first to like it. He texts me almost every day. And in the evening he wishes me good night and in the morning asks if I slept well. He keeps asking about my physical condition or how I’m doing with my sports injury.
I have the feeling that there is something from his side too, but I can’t place it. Since he doesn’t go beyond hints, I wonder if I should be more active and confess my renewed feelings to him, or if I should keep them to myself. What do you think?
Answer from Doctor Sex
What you describe sounds wonderful, almost magical. Like a prince trying to please his beloved, this man ensnares you with flattery and attentions from dawn to dusk. No wonder your feelings are in turmoil!
But the fact is that we are not ruled by kings and neither dwarves nor fairies romp about in our landscapes. Miracles are as rare in our world as people who can do magic. And that’s why ex-boyfriends don’t turn into perfect relationship partners either! Your ex may have changed. You’re probably not like you were when you were a couple either. However, some soul balm in the form of a few text messages is not enough as a basis for a new start.
What you are experiencing right now is not love – even if the feeling of happiness feels similar. The trigger for your serotonin rush is the attention you get. Your neural system overdrives and adds one to every message you receive from it.
Enjoy the great feeling – and keep it to yourself. The number of messages will soon decrease because he will not be able to maintain this rhythm in the long run. By sobering up, your serotonin levels will return to normal.
The hangover afterwards will last for a few days, but you will survive. However, and this is the key point, at least you won’t find yourself in a warmed-up relationship with your ex. This fact alone should give you a small serotonin boost again. All the best.
Bruno Wermuth runs his own practice in Bern and Zurich Couples Counseling and sex counseling through. Once a week he answers a question on the topics of relationships, love and sexuality as “Doctor Sex”. www.brunowermuth.ch