Thinking of sad memories that you can’t bear to look back on, often makes you anxious and sleepless, sleepless and restless? Try the OMG principle and let a senior psychologist accompany you out of the shadow of trauma!
Text｜Psychologist Zhang Yating／Xuli Counseling Center
W says:
Recently, I received a private message from a stranger. The other party said that he saw a video that looked like me on the Internet, and asked if it was me. The first time I thought, “No, how is it possible…”.
After discovering that it was indeed my sexually intimate video, I panicked and collapsed, worried that many people had seen it, and worried what people I knew would think if they saw it.
As long as someone looks at me a little more while walking on the road, I wonder if the person has watched my videos, and I also receive harassment from other strange messages one after another. I am often distracted at work, and often wake up from nightmares in the middle of the night. My head is not clear, I am in so much pain and dare not tell others how I feel…
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Y said calmly, as always:
I want my ability to be seen and recognized, so I try my best to help, whether it is my job or other things, but I am really tired, so I try to refuse (the tone shows aggrieved and helpless);
But it seems that those who help a lot are taken for granted. I don’t think this should be the case, but what can I do (crying), can I just bear it silently like before…
Also, when I was on duty last time, I was in a hurry for fear of making a mistake, so I checked with a more senior M colleague, and she responded impatiently, “I don’t know about it” (suddenly burst into tears and fell into extreme sadness)
I am afraid that I will be hated by my colleagues, like my good friend misunderstood me a month or two ago and the relationship was broken (crying), or was bullied many years ago, what should I do… (shaking with fear )
Further reading:Selecting books for you｜Chen Xue’s “Girl’s Prayer”: After a long childhood trauma, creation becomes a way to end pain
What’s wrong with me!Recognizing Trauma and Stress Responses
When these major threat strike events experience the above, common physical and mental reactions include:
Psychological symptoms such as anxiety, depression, poor sleep quality, difficulty concentrating, easily stimulated, alertness, avoiding situations that trigger stress or traumatic memories, emotional flashbacks caused by recalled situations or nightmares, numbness and withdrawal, and headaches, dizziness, Nausea and other physiological reactions;
These conditions usually subside over time, but if they persist for more than a month, they develop into “post-traumatic stress disorder”.
Another similar trauma response, often accompanied by a long series of traumatic interpersonal experiences in the past, is called “complex stress syndrome”.
A 2022 study in the Journal of Affective Disorders states that the distribution of sexually intimate images is the online problematic behavior associated with the highest risk of self-harm among adolescents, and it deserves your attention.
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You always know how to respond rationally, it’s just the lower brain that’s fighting for you
Our brain is roughly divided into two parts, the upper brain is responsible for thinking, learning, regulating emotions, etc., and the lower brain is responsible for breathing, heartbeat, body temperature, digestion, excretion, feeling and expressing emotions, etc.
When someone around her takes a second look at her, W will guess that the other person has seen her sexually intimate images and is infinitely worried about the horror development that the imagination continues to spread;
For the result of trying to set limits, Y is afraid of going back to the abyss of pain in the past to be accepted and recognized through repression and compromise. With an unfriendly attitude towards colleagues, Y thinks of past bullying and recent painful relationship experiences and falls into fear.
At this time, in order to adapt to the immediate situation, the lower brain will be in charge of all reactions of the body, and at this time the upper brain is forced to temporarily shut down.
When the external crisis is resolved, or our physical and mental state slows down from extreme fear to fear, panic, vigilance, and calmness, the function of the upper brain will resume operation at this time, and flexible thinking and resilience can be restored.
The client often asks me: “Why did I feel much more stable after talking with you last time, but I fell down again in the past few days?”
“The ups and downs of the state are not absolute improvement or deterioration, but a dynamic process of reconciliation.”
Guess what you want to see:Calling for help is shameless and useful: a counseling journey where trauma won’t go away, but you’ll be brave for yourself once
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Trauma experience shapes susceptibility and vulnerability, that is, the lower brain becomes overactive and easily activated
Past life experiences, large and small, continue to expand or reshape your understanding and interpretation of the world.
The threatening experience shakes the structure that originally relied on to judge whether the world is safe or not. What I thought was safe is no longer trustworthy. I am full of doubts and anxiety about my surroundings, and my inner alert system is easily aroused. make us more vulnerable and sensitive.
When faced with moderate stress, extreme fear can occur, and even ordinary daily challenges are prone to fear reactions.
The inner master can always bring stabilizing power to the restless state of you and me to restart the upper brain
I don’t know if you have had such experience? When you fall into the abyss of fear, helplessness and pain, there is someone beside you who understands your feelings and mood and is willing to accompany you, so that you can gradually get rid of fear and feel at ease.
Did you know there is a master inside you and me? Maybe you haven’t noticed it before, but he really exists!
Imagine seeing a child crying alone by the side of the road when you are in a state of calm and unoccupied by other things.
First of all, you may check to see if there are adults around who seem to be related to him. If not, then you may step forward to care, comfort him who is afraid and helpless, and at the same time try to understand what happened, thinking and judging how to provide assist.
At this time, you can judge calmly and make good use of your own abilities to cope with the challenges and difficulties you face. This is the appearance of your inner “master”.
The experience of being dominated by fear in the past has prevented us from having the opportunity to experience the master’s stable power to guide you and me to deal with it properly.
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First, bring stability through OMG
The inner master has the ability to stabilize oneself, through feeling the environment (orient), moving (move) and grounding (move), feeling the body leaning on the chair and the feeling of feet on the ground, using sight, hearing, smell, touch, Taste and other senses sense the current environment;
For example: find five things you can see, four colors you can see, three sounds you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can eat.
Moderate movement in the process of activating the senses creates a connection with the space in which it is located, which helps to gradually restore calm. It is really worth trying!
Next, the inner master soothes the fearful inner child
The inner master who has gradually regained his calmness can gently and caringly comfort your frightened inner child like the helpless crying child on the side of the road, and say to him:
“You are not alone, I will spend it with you.”
“You feel worried and afraid because the lower brain detects danger, and it reminds you to protect you.”
Added in the same field:Picking dramas for you｜Learning trauma repair from “The First Brilliance”: Those hurtful words hide deep psychological trauma
Picture｜Photo by Andre Furtado on Pexels
The owner of W, can say to her inner child:
This incident is not your fault, it is those who spread the image without the consent of the person concerned.
You have called the police and the relevant units have launched an investigation and tried their best to get the video off the shelves. We have a way to make ourselves much safer.
The master of Y can say to his inner child:
When you try to set limits, you are doing nothing wrong. Your feelings and needs are important, and it is worth practicing expressing them without suppression.
In addition, you can also accompany Y to carry out the following explorations, and gradually find the power to stabilize yourself:
When people around you don’t notice and give back to your performance or ability, it doesn’t mean you are incapable. Even if it is not noticed, your ability must have its own unique appearance.
What does it look like?
Remember what was going through your mind when you weren’t so afraid to express yourself? Where did the lack of fear, a little bit of courage and belief come from?
Let’s take a look, is being murdered by a colleague this time exactly the same as before? Is there anything different?