2023-07-12 22:00:00
The random killings in Akihabara in 2008 were the most serious indiscriminate homicides in Japan in the past 30 years. The murderer Tomoyo Kato’s excessively strict discipline was considered to be one of the reasons. (Picture / flipped to Wikipedia)
In 2008, a random homicide occurred in Akihabara, Japan, resulting in 7 deaths and 10 injuries. The murderer was 25-year-old Kato Tomodai. Her values are all standards.” Kato Tomoda’s younger brother revealed that once when his elder brother ate too slowly, his mother became furious and poured all the rice, vegetables, and miso soup on the newspaper. of food eaten.
Masashi Uui, a doctor of Japanese psychology, once said in an interview that Tomoda Kato’s mother disciplined her children very strictly, and she could only watch “Doraemon” and “Japanese Manga Tales” on TV; Bathtub punishment; being slapped when the child doesn’t get what she wants to say back is the order of the day. Masashi Uui said that I believe that Kato Tomoda’s mother must be very serious about educating her children. Ordinary mothers should find it too troublesome and unable to achieve this level, but this method does not allow children to feel maternal love, and corporal punishment is more The dire side effect is that no matter what parents try to teach their children, what they learn is that “it’s okay to use violence if necessary.”
Counseling psychologist Huang Yijing said, “Each of us has an inner working model in our hearts. Through the interaction with others, we can generate subjective views on ourselves and the world. For parents and children, if parents respond well to their children, That child has a good view of himself, that he is important, that he is loved, and that the world is safe.” Conversely, if the primary caregiver’s interaction with the child is always ridiculed, insulted, Belittling, the child not only despises himself, but also feels that everyone cannot be trusted. Huang Yijing said, simply put, how children view themselves and the world is greatly influenced by their parents.
“Don’t think that beating and scolding children can make them remember the lesson.” Huang Yijing said that clinically, most children are too afraid to forget or don’t understand the reason for being beaten and scolded, so they seldom really correct themselves. The pain is engraved in my heart for a long time. Such trauma is a lifetime homework. Especially teenagers, Huang Yijing said that many parents think that children should be more sensible, and their tolerance for teenagers is particularly low, so they are prone to major conflicts, but although teenagers are capable, they also start to have a lot of emotions, so parent-child relationships need more ” Buffer space and flexibility”, such as cold treatment to let the child bear the consequences, throwing socks so that they are not washed, let the child know that he will have no socks to wear, if the parents feel angry, they can also communicate with the child after the mood eases .
When a child makes a mistake, instead of scolding and punishing, it is better to seek the meaning behind the child’s behavior and further help the child clarify the problem. (Schematic / 123RF)
Counseling psychologist Chen Zhiheng said that when a child makes a mistake, don’t always think about “how to punish” so that the child will not commit the same mistake again; instead, “how to assist” can make the child change positively. We can “positively focus” when the child does not make mistakes, does well, and makes progress, specifically affirms the child, and at the same time encourages the child to show more good behaviors. Don’t children who make mistakes need not pay the price? Chen Zhiheng said that not punishing does not mean that children do not need to be responsible for their mistakes, but need to bear the natural consequences of making mistakes. For example, teasing classmates will cause classmates to hate them. If you want to avoid being hated, you have to make up for it through an apology. This is the natural consequence of the wrong behavior of teasing classmates. Children can still learn and reflect through the natural consequences.
Some people said: “I used to be physically punished growing up, and now I don’t feel traumatized?” Chen Zhiheng said, just because you think you are normal, it doesn’t mean that other people are fine. If you think so, first of all, are you really sure you’re ok? Next, if you could be treated kindly as a child, would you still be willing to be punished physically? Chen Zhiheng said that many people are unwilling to punish their children when they grow up, but when they are annoyed by their children, they still fail. Why? Because, when you feel powerless, the set of violent patterns you learned from your elders when you were a child are automatically copied to your children.
Then you will tell yourself: “Yes, children still have to be beaten to be obedient!” or “Why did my children have such a good time when I was beaten so badly before?” Broken adults were once injured children , but you can choose not to replicate the harm on the child. First, admit that you are broken, and then work to fix yourself.
1689215532
#Broken #Adult #2Akihabara #Murderer #mother #standard #Meals #slow #Meals #swept #newspapers #forced #eat #Life #CTWANT